Back on the Bucket List... and on the Bright Side

Thanks to so many of you for your responses to Mike's blog post.  He was able to summarize what's been going on here in a way that was accurate, efficient and loving. 

Meanwhile,  I was really struggling with the losses that I was still mourning -- worrying that by not acknowledging these amazing women, I was doing an extreme disservice to the mark they left on this world.  Worrying that by acknowledging the loss, it might inspire fear rather than hope. It's a delicate line to walk. 

And, while it is critically important to focus on the joys we find in each day, by only recounting the joys, I have not painted a fair picture of what life in 2012 has looked like for Mike and I. 

You now know more about the challenges I have faced with my disease, and, unfortunately, we received more bad news this week.  I started Aromasin (hormonal therapy) on Friday night, but prior to starting the Afinitor, Dr C wanted to re-check my liver functionining (despite having run chem labs only 10 days prior).  In addition, I started on short-acting narcotics on Saturday night, due to extreme pain throughout the night.  Whether it was the mix of new drugs or the tumor acting up, I found myself extremely nauseas and vomiting on Sunday afternoon (made Mike pull over in the parking lot of a nearby restaurant that we've always wanted to try... and made myself at home in the bathroom at a friend's house during a BBQ... sorry Jarrud & Emily!)

Got to talk to Dr C on Monday  and  he is extremely concerned with the results of the liver tests.  He does not want to start on the Afinitor (it is processed through the liver and can be fairly tough on the organ).  In addition, he shared that he does not think that this is a good time for us to travel so far to Alaska -- he is concerned about the 19 hour trip there (lack of activity, hydration, etc) and he is worried that I run a fairly high risk of liver complications in the next 2 weeks, landing me in the ER.  Dr C has always been one to look out for balancing my quality of life with my treatment, so when he worries.... I worry. 

Deep crevice in an Alaskan glacier -- photo caption:  Irene Blakenburg, during her recent Alaskan cruise

After two days of discussions, Mike and I have agreed that we will need to postpone our trip to Alaska.  Not only are the #s significantly out of range, they have also progressed significantly in just the past 10 days.  Add it to the list of decisions that cancer has taken the decision right away from me. 

I'll meet with Dr C later this week or early next week to re-establish a game plan.  The liver function is so poor that it is unlikely that I will be able to start a new chemo for now (again, so many of these drugs are processed through the liver... given the current state, it would be too risky to try to process the poison).  I'm cranking up the narcotics to get some better pain relief -- so please pray for limited nausea and successful pain relief.

OK -- so now, looking back on the bright side:

• My dad is home early from China and we'll get to spend this weekend with the family.
• Mike has been busy setting up a first floor bedroom for me and I can't wait to decorate it and make it "mine"!
• I won't have to miss July 4th celebrations with Regan -- it's my absolute favorite holiday and I can't wait to share the excitement with you again this year!
• We are going to try to find a few mini-retreats close to home (so we can get back here easily if we encounter any issues)... thanks to Coco for the invite for next Mon/Tues at LBI -- we are really looking forward to it!
• We can't wait to see friends and family in mid July for our annual Summer Bash -- please let me know if you don't have details about the party on July 21!