fever -- ringing in the new year

Of course, Christmas break would not be complete without me coming down with a raging cold (I think I've been sick 3 of the past 5 years over the holiday break!)  During the drive home on Wednesday I started feeling a bit under the weather and I woke up Thursday morning with a fever, cough and congestion. 

While on chemo, I'm supposed to call Dr C with any fever over 100.5 (infections can get severe very quickly for patients on chemo because of the comprised immune system).  I slept most of the morning until the doctor called back -- he wanted to see me for a blood culture and exam so I had to trek up to the office (on my week off!) just to be safe.  Fortunately, the tylenol kicked in and brought down the fever (if not, it may have meant a trip to the ER... fevers are that serious for chemo patients!)  and the doctor put me on an antibiotic. 

By the time we got home from the doctor, my cousin Donna and her girls had arrived at our house.  We were watching the girls while Donna worked over new year's and Mike was excited to have a chance to try out our new "snow block molds", building a snow fort with the girls!  I spent most of Thursday and Friday resting (though it isn't easy to rest with a 5 year old, 7 year old and 9 year old to entertain!) 

We had planned to have a few friends over for new year's eve, but cancelled our plans because I was still feeling kind of crummy.  Char, J and Regan still joined us for dinner (and we had Donna and the girls), so it felt like a party (even though I was in bed well before midnight!)  The girls loved playing with Regan and Regan enjoyed all of the attention.  Mike and mom were the only two left standing to ring in the new year and they certainly did it in style!

I hope that 2011 brings you and your family much love, joy and peace... and of course, good health.  Happy new year.

Vogel Christmas

On Christmas day, Mike and I headed out to Ohio.  The drive went buy much quicker than expected and we arrived in Beavercreek by 9pm (after Christmas dinner at Waffle House... fortunately, we didn't have to hit up a hospital cafeteria -- Columbus OH is a hotbed of WH's!)

We spent 3 full days with the Vogels, enjoying time with each family one on one as well as a big family celebration on Tuesday.  It was a whirlwind of a trip, but the time spent with the Vogels (and Marinos) was well worth it!  Our memory books would not be complete with:

• "solving" the wooden brain teaser puzzles with dad on saturday night
• breakfast with mom and dad
• brass trio concert of 2001 space odyssey from Mike, Josh and Jon
• Christine's amazing manicotti dinner
• Harry Potter Clue and Ticket to Ride with the Marinos
• a visit to the new Kroger
• homemade calzones with Steve & Ami (photographing the baking... Keleigh's burrito calzone)
• Zach's soccer game (good guys won 3-2!)
• cooking mama with Keleigh
• mexican train dominos
• spinning tops
• mom's amazing spread on tuesday and the trivia game (what's the difference between a philharmonic & symphonic orchestra?)
• Josh's crazy 80's contest (Steve's amazing knowledge of 80's music)
• watching the kids open their presents
• the dragon spinning tops with light and sound (and sound... and sound!)
• coming home with the duck bookends and the drunken wise men decoration from the white elephant (still kind of sad we lost the mexican santa juicer and the astronaut salt and pepper shakers!)
• laughter, love and family
  
  

Casill Christmas

The first part of our Christmas celebration was with my family.  John, mom and dad came up to NJ to celebrate with us.  John came early so that he could take me to chemo on Wednesday (Mike had to be at home to meet the contractors who are replacing our HVAC system) and mom and dad stayed after we left to watch the fur babies while we headed to visit the Vogels in Ohio.  So nice of all of them to help us out!


Christmas eve morning, the Scott's came by so that we could spoil Regan with a wagon full of treats!  She was so delighted by everything, even the things she wasn't sure what they were

Regan:  "oh my goodness!!!!!" 
Char:  "what did you get?"  
Regan:  "I don't know!!!!"

and it was fun to watch her help Uncle Mike assemble the miniature wagon that she took home with her (the big wagon will be in storage until the weather warms up!)

Regan "Uncle Mike... watch your fingers!"



Afterwards, we broke from tradition and opened up all of our family presents Christmas Eve afternoon.  It was a bit different opening presents with a glass of guiness (instead of a mug of coffee) but I am certainly not complaining!  After 3 years on my Amazon wishlist, I wound up receiving two giant stone mocajetes (one from mom & dad and one from john)... guacamole anyone????

Photo Shoot

These are super late but also super cute.  Mike did a full photo shoot for Regan and Char for Christmas and he did an amazing job.  Here's a few of the best shots from the day...

a few more holiday photos....

... for your viewing enjoyment....

it's almost like a normal Christmas...

Gosh -- it's so funny how quickly I swing back and forth between cancer-land and normal life. 

Cancer-land is this crazy place where cancer is front-and-center. 

• Every Wednesday I'm in cancer-land (obviously.... I'm at the oncologist, surrounded by magazines about cancer and other people with cancer... and they stick a needle in my chest and pump my body full of poisons... how could I not be in cancer-land?!) 
• Many Thursday's I'm in cancer-land (I wake up so stuffy and tired that it takes most of what I can muster to climb out of bed, into the shower and head out to work)

Most other days are pretty normal.  Over the past two weeks, I've:

• baked cookies (m&m, snickerdoodles and chocolate-drizzled sugar cookies -- Regan helped!)
• completed my shopping (and then some!)
• wrapped the gifts
• decorated the house
• finished off the Christmas cards
• cleaned out the junk drawer (ok - I know that has nothing to do with the holidays, but that's what I did today!)

Normal stuff, right?  Almost seems like a normal Christmas!  But even on my most normal days there are moments... when I drop into the reality of cancer-land:

• when random strangers come up to me at craft shows and in hotel lobbies and in stores... to tell me "they beat it two years ago... so can you" (little do they know that my cancer started FIVE years ago... and that there is no cure for my late stage cancer... that I'll be in treatment for the rest of my life!  What do I say?  These days, I try to harness my inner Christmas spirit and appreciate their caring and smile and nod... though sometimes I do slip and say something snarky, even though I know they only mean well)
• when I pull on one of my favorite sweaters and it's so tight on my right arm because it's still swollen from the stupid blood clot in my port
• when I can't figure out which scarf goes with my outfit
• when I have to retie my scarf for the 3rd time because I can't find a winter hat that fits over the scarf and the scarf alone is not warm enough outside... so I have to keep switching between the scarf and the winter hat (I'm starting to just wear my winter hat all the time!)
• when I walk through macy's or target and ultimately find myself in the children's clothing section and my heart breaks when I look at the adorable outfits, knowing that I'll only buy them as gifts for other people's babies
• or... when I take time to admire the beauty of the lights and trees, the sharpness of the cold air, the smiles and laughter of people as they walk down the street... and I feel blessed to have that moment... and I know that I must savor it.

I guess cancer-land isn't all bad... and I'm feeling fortunate that I feel so well most days... and that this Christmas is almost like a normal Christmas.

#19

#19 is my favorite number.  It's been my "number" for years (for ultimate).  And today, I rocked # 19 for Abraxane...

Last week, Dr Cairoli mentioned that his birthday was this week.  This morning I made him a batch of peanut butter m&m cookies.  I figured he would have one and then leave the rest in the kitchen (people often leave goodies there for patients and their supporters), but he took them back to his office!  (Of course, Mike said he's probably just waiting to put them out until tomorrow so as not to hurt my feelings!)

I also got him a birthday card, but struggled with what to write in it.  What do you say to the man who is fighting to save your life?  Thank you.

My liver is a winner...

 OK... time for a quick game... which liver would you want to have? 

(Note: the liver is the organ on the left side of each image -- these are a cross section of my abdomen.  If a magician were to saw me in half and turn me sideways, this is what you would see!)

*** scroll down for the answer ***

If you picked the liver on the bottom, YOU ARE A WINNER!!!!


The image on the top is from Sep 3. The liver is the large organ on the left side of the image. The darker spots on it are the bad stuff. Yeah.... there are quite a few of them... can you find all 8 or 9 visible spots?

The image on the bottom is from Nov 30. Even without an MD, it's pretty easy to see the difference. This is remarkable improvement over the past 3 months!
When comparing the first CT scan from June to the September scan, it was hard to tell the difference. Dr said it was good progress and I definitely trust him, but it was not a whole lot to get excited about. This time it's a totally different story.... and it is so much more comforting to really see the progress for myself.

Because it's working so well, we are going to try to stay on the Abraxane for a bit more (maybe another month or two). Hopefully, the neuropathy in my fingers and toes will remain manageable. At that point, we may again be thinking about trying hormonal therapy for a bit (to give my body a break from the chemo and hoping that it will maintain the result for a while). We'll have to figure out a few things to determine the best plan -- the most likely hormonal drugs are only for post-menopausal women... not a problem now as I'm back in "chemo-pause" but if my estrogen levels come back up when we stop the chemo, we would have to think about how to supress my ovaries... but in the grand scheme... good problems to have!