Friday, December 31, 2010

fever -- ringing in the new year

Of course, Christmas break would not be complete without me coming down with a raging cold (I think I've been sick 3 of the past 5 years over the holiday break!)  During the drive home on Wednesday I started feeling a bit under the weather and I woke up Thursday morning with a fever, cough and congestion. 

While on chemo, I'm supposed to call Dr C with any fever over 100.5 (infections can get severe very quickly for patients on chemo because of the comprised immune system).  I slept most of the morning until the doctor called back -- he wanted to see me for a blood culture and exam so I had to trek up to the office (on my week off!) just to be safe.  Fortunately, the tylenol kicked in and brought down the fever (if not, it may have meant a trip to the ER... fevers are that serious for chemo patients!)  and the doctor put me on an antibiotic. 

By the time we got home from the doctor, my cousin Donna and her girls had arrived at our house.  We were watching the girls while Donna worked over new year's and Mike was excited to have a chance to try out our new "snow block molds", building a snow fort with the girls!  I spent most of Thursday and Friday resting (though it isn't easy to rest with a 5 year old, 7 year old and 9 year old to entertain!) 

We had planned to have a few friends over for new year's eve, but cancelled our plans because I was still feeling kind of crummy.  Char, J and Regan still joined us for dinner (and we had Donna and the girls), so it felt like a party (even though I was in bed well before midnight!)  The girls loved playing with Regan and Regan enjoyed all of the attention.  Mike and mom were the only two left standing to ring in the new year and they certainly did it in style!

I hope that 2011 brings you and your family much love, joy and peace... and of course, good health.  Happy new year.


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Vogel Christmas

On Christmas day, Mike and I headed out to Ohio.  The drive went buy much quicker than expected and we arrived in Beavercreek by 9pm (after Christmas dinner at Waffle House... fortunately, we didn't have to hit up a hospital cafeteria -- Columbus OH is a hotbed of WH's!)

We spent 3 full days with the Vogels, enjoying time with each family one on one as well as a big family celebration on Tuesday.  It was a whirlwind of a trip, but the time spent with the Vogels (and Marinos) was well worth it!  Our memory books would not be complete with:
  • "solving" the wooden brain teaser puzzles with dad on saturday night
  • breakfast with mom and dad
  • brass trio concert of 2001 space odyssey from Mike, Josh and Jon
  • Christine's amazing manicotti dinner
  • Harry Potter Clue and Ticket to Ride with the Marinos
  • a visit to the new Kroger
  • homemade calzones with Steve & Ami (photographing the baking... Keleigh's burrito calzone)
  • Zach's soccer game (good guys won 3-2!)
  • cooking mama with Keleigh
  • mexican train dominos
  • spinning tops
  • mom's amazing spread on tuesday and the trivia game (what's the difference between a philharmonic & symphonic orchestra?)
  • Josh's crazy 80's contest (Steve's amazing knowledge of 80's music)
  • watching the kids open their presents
  • the dragon spinning tops with light and sound (and sound... and sound!)
  • coming home with the duck bookends and the drunken wise men decoration from the white elephant (still kind of sad we lost the mexican santa juicer and the astronaut salt and pepper shakers!)
  • laughter, love and family

Friday, December 24, 2010

Casill Christmas

The first part of our Christmas celebration was with my family.  John, mom and dad came up to NJ to celebrate with us.  John came early so that he could take me to chemo on Wednesday (Mike had to be at home to meet the contractors who are replacing our HVAC system) and mom and dad stayed after we left to watch the fur babies while we headed to visit the Vogels in Ohio.  So nice of all of them to help us out!


Christmas eve morning, the Scott's came by so that we could spoil Regan with a wagon full of treats!  She was so delighted by everything, even the things she wasn't sure what they were
Regan:  "oh my goodness!!!!!" 
Char:  "what did you get?"  
Regan:  "I don't know!!!!"

and it was fun to watch her help Uncle Mike assemble the miniature wagon that she took home with her (the big wagon will be in storage until the weather warms up!)
Regan "Uncle Mike... watch your fingers!"






Afterwards, we broke from tradition and opened up all of our family presents Christmas Eve afternoon.  It was a bit different opening presents with a glass of guiness (instead of a mug of coffee) but I am certainly not complaining!  After 3 years on my Amazon wishlist, I wound up receiving two giant stone mocajetes (one from mom & dad and one from john)... guacamole anyone????


Photo Shoot

These are super late but also super cute.  Mike did a full photo shoot for Regan and Char for Christmas and he did an amazing job.  Here's a few of the best shots from the day...




Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sunday, December 19, 2010

it's almost like a normal Christmas...

Gosh -- it's so funny how quickly I swing back and forth between cancer-land and normal life. 

Cancer-land is this crazy place where cancer is front-and-center. 
  • Every Wednesday I'm in cancer-land (obviously.... I'm at the oncologist, surrounded by magazines about cancer and other people with cancer... and they stick a needle in my chest and pump my body full of poisons... how could I not be in cancer-land?!) 
  • Many Thursday's I'm in cancer-land (I wake up so stuffy and tired that it takes most of what I can muster to climb out of bed, into the shower and head out to work)
Most other days are pretty normal.  Over the past two weeks, I've:
  • baked cookies (m&m, snickerdoodles and chocolate-drizzled sugar cookies -- Regan helped!)
  • completed my shopping (and then some!)
  • wrapped the gifts
  • decorated the house
  • finished off the Christmas cards
  • cleaned out the junk drawer (ok - I know that has nothing to do with the holidays, but that's what I did today!)
Normal stuff, right?  Almost seems like a normal Christmas!  But even on my most normal days there are moments... when I drop into the reality of cancer-land:
  • when random strangers come up to me at craft shows and in hotel lobbies and in stores... to tell me "they beat it two years ago... so can you" (little do they know that my cancer started FIVE years ago... and that there is no cure for my late stage cancer... that I'll be in treatment for the rest of my life!  What do I say?  These days, I try to harness my inner Christmas spirit and appreciate their caring and smile and nod... though sometimes I do slip and say something snarky, even though I know they only mean well)
  • when I pull on one of my favorite sweaters and it's so tight on my right arm because it's still swollen from the stupid blood clot in my port
  • when I can't figure out which scarf goes with my outfit
  • when I have to retie my scarf for the 3rd time because I can't find a winter hat that fits over the scarf and the scarf alone is not warm enough outside... so I have to keep switching between the scarf and the winter hat (I'm starting to just wear my winter hat all the time!)
  • when I walk through macy's or target and ultimately find myself in the children's clothing section and my heart breaks when I look at the adorable outfits, knowing that I'll only buy them as gifts for other people's babies
  • or... when I take time to admire the beauty of the lights and trees, the sharpness of the cold air, the smiles and laughter of people as they walk down the street... and I feel blessed to have that moment... and I know that I must savor it.
I guess cancer-land isn't all bad... and I'm feeling fortunate that I feel so well most days... and that this Christmas is almost like a normal Christmas.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

#19

#19 is my favorite number.  It's been my "number" for years (for ultimate).  And today, I rocked # 19 for Abraxane...

Last week, Dr Cairoli mentioned that his birthday was this week.  This morning I made him a batch of peanut butter m&m cookies.  I figured he would have one and then leave the rest in the kitchen (people often leave goodies there for patients and their supporters), but he took them back to his office!  (Of course, Mike said he's probably just waiting to put them out until tomorrow so as not to hurt my feelings!)

I also got him a birthday card, but struggled with what to write in it.  What do you say to the man who is fighting to save your life?  Thank you.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My liver is a winner...

 OK... time for a quick game... which liver would you want to have? 

(Note: the liver is the organ on the left side of each image -- these are a cross section of my abdomen.  If a magician were to saw me in half and turn me sideways, this is what you would see!)


*** scroll down for the answer ***








If you picked the liver on the bottom, YOU ARE A WINNER!!!!


The image on the top is from Sep 3. The liver is the large organ on the left side of the image. The darker spots on it are the bad stuff. Yeah.... there are quite a few of them... can you find all 8 or 9 visible spots?

The image on the bottom is from Nov 30. Even without an MD, it's pretty easy to see the difference. This is remarkable improvement over the past 3 months!
When comparing the first CT scan from June to the September scan, it was hard to tell the difference. Dr said it was good progress and I definitely trust him, but it was not a whole lot to get excited about. This time it's a totally different story.... and it is so much more comforting to really see the progress for myself.

Because it's working so well, we are going to try to stay on the Abraxane for a bit more (maybe another month or two). Hopefully, the neuropathy in my fingers and toes will remain manageable. At that point, we may again be thinking about trying hormonal therapy for a bit (to give my body a break from the chemo and hoping that it will maintain the result for a while). We'll have to figure out a few things to determine the best plan -- the most likely hormonal drugs are only for post-menopausal women... not a problem now as I'm back in "chemo-pause" but if my estrogen levels come back up when we stop the chemo, we would have to think about how to supress my ovaries... but in the grand scheme... good problems to have!



Tuesday, November 30, 2010

global visitors and site statistics

I just found out that blogger has a bunch of stats that it shares about each blog... of course, I love numbers so I thought I would share a few interesting ones with you:

General statistics
  • Pageviews today:  7
  • Pageviews yesterday: 59
  • Pageviews last month: 1,416
  • Pageviews all time: 9,441

Top pages (note: this is likely skewed toward more recent posts based on the changeover between my 2005-2008 blog and this new one):
  1. done and done  357
  2. haircuts and lollipops  125
  3. the whole truth    103
  4. limited edition   103 
  5. 17   98
Pageviews by country (thought this was most interesting and wondering who some of these are from... please do say hello!)
  1. United States 8,981  
  2. Ireland 134    (Cormac & Elaine)
  3. Canada 132   (Uncle Vinnie)
  4. India 55         (Vanita)
  5. Australia 18   (???)
  6. Germany 15   (Heather?)
  7. France 15      (Vicki?)
  8. Russia 14       (???)
  9. Thailand 10    (???)
  10. China 7          (???)

 

 Pageviews by browser (found this somewhat surprising too!)
  1. Internet Explorer 4,427 (47%)
  2. Safari 2,411 (25%)
  3. Firefox 1,718 (18%)
  4. Chrome 460 (4%)

 

 Any surprises?

 

 

 


 


 

 

breakfast of champions

Mmmmm.... a full bottle of Redi-cat.  Truly is the breakfast of champions.  Nothing like rising early to have time to pound the bottle 90 minutes before my CT scans! 

Fingers crossed for good results (hopefully I will hear tomorrow when I go in to see Dr C)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

giving thanks

Now that the holiday is over... the last of the turkey (or tofurkey) is just about gone and we have headed back to our homes, our jobs, our day-to-day... I was hoping to spend a few moments sharing what I am thankful for... and hearing from you about what blessings you feel on your heart this holiday season. 

1. Michael - love, friendship, support.  how could I do this without him?
2. My family - the constant support.  family = home   our extended family & our 4 legged family
3. Regan - her joy and laughter and smiles make me want to die of love
4. My friends - hugs, smiles and quick notes pick me up on a daily basis
5. My friends' kids - watching kids play without the weight of the world's challenges = peace
6. My work family - a job I love with people who love me... seriously, what could be better?
7.

(work in progress... more to come... but please add your own comments to share what you are thankful for...)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

17

Today is the 17th.  Incredible how time flies by.  I've now been back in active treatment for four and a half months.  I've had a chest xray, an MRI, a bone scan, an ultrasound, one surgery (to place my port) and 4 CT scans (if you include the one they did during the liver biopsy).  Plus 17 doses of chemo. 

I'm off next week - it's nice to have the extra time for my body to rest.  Mike's been collecting my blood counts each week and analyzing the data (surprising, right!?). It's interesting to see how my counts go up in the weeks that I am off and then they gradually drop with each week of treatment.  This is for my white blood count (the normal range is 4.8-10.3 x 10^3/mm^3).  It's also interesting that I jumped significantly in early November (actually into the normal range!) -- hopefully that's a sign that my body is learning to handle the chemo (as opposed to a sign that the chemo isn't working as well?)  I prefer to believe the former... after all... after 17 treatments, I've got to be getting better at this, right?


Saturday, November 13, 2010

another great fall day

Is it me or have we had an incredibly beautiful fall this year?  Perhaps it is a little bit of both.  I find myself really paying attention much more so than I used to... taking the time to breathe and to appreciate everything around me.  In particular, I've been totally loving the colors and smells of fall... especially the past few weekends when it has been sunny and warm... and especially when I get to watch the little ones I love enjoying it too!








Tuesday, November 9, 2010

cali

Does it count as vacation if you stay with co-workers and go into the office while you are there? 

I'm not sure either but it was fun and mostly relaxing.  It's not my fault that so many of my friends work at ZS... or is it that I'm friends with so many of my co-workers... or something...

Mike and I spent a long weekend in California that included:
  • wonderful visits with Sarah/Zach/Beatrice/Elizabeth and Jeff/Jenn/Malaya/Julia/Aaron
  • beaches, bridges, and birds
  • celebrating with Jess & Dan (congratulations!)
  • reconnecting with Bill/Abby, Mike/Anne, Peter, Danielle, Heather, Noah
  • tasting wine, tasting jellybeans (I *finally* got to go to the JellyBelly factory!)
  • sharing with the San Mateo office while Mike played disc golf and caught up with Greene
Needless to say, the visit was all too short.  Unfortunately, we are a bit limited by the weekly chemo and the full time job!  Next time I will definitely be revisiting Alcatrez and catching up with the friends that I missed on this visit.

watching surfers at the west end of golden gate park

golden gate bridge

hiking at John T Knox shoreline

hiking at John T Knox shoreline

sunset at Mount Diablo

tasting at Sterling

where the magic happens...

tickling beatrice

playing with elizabeth

Monday, November 1, 2010

mice

The more I research cancer treatment... I start to feel like a bit of a hypocrite. 

Is it really ok to inject mice with leukemia cells but not ok to inject them with cosmetics and shampoos? 

Does the fact that the implications of cancer research are, of course, more significant than the development of a new eyeliner or lipstick, justify the experimentation on animals? 

Do the ends really justify the means?  And... if so... where is the line between justifiable and not?

The Cancer Sleeper Cell

Interesting article in the New York Times about "the biology of cancer cells".  I had never heard this theory before (and I have done a ton of research on the topic)! 

The research hypothesis is that some types of cancer have "stem cells" that are responsible for the regeneration or recurrance of cancer (similar to the notion that blood stem cells are responsible for the regeneration of our blood cells).  Research on leukemia found that nearly 1 million leukemia cancer cells needed to be implanted into a mouse in order for the cancer to grow.  Fewer than that and the cancer did not grow in the mice.  This suggests that the 1 in a million leukemia stem cell could be responsible for regeneration.

"If stem cells can be found for certain forms of cancer, and if a drug can be found to kill these cells in humans, then the clinical impact of such a discovery would obviously be enormous.  And its scientific impact would be just as profound. Centuries after the discovery of cancer as a disease, we are learning not just how to treat it — but what cancer truly is."

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/31/magazine/31Cancer-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Pinktober: It's Not Over 'til We Say it's Over

I wanted to share a posting from a discussion group/support community to which I belong.  I found it very touching and inspiring and wanted to share it with you.  I will be joining these ladies on Sunday night, remembering women who have touched my life:  Marcela Vargas & Terry Gifford.  Please read on and consider joining me in remembrance of those "whose time was all too brief and hope for brighter days ahead"

<>

Breast Cancer Awarness Month is winding down. I'm relieved it's over with and glad that I succeeded in some small way of creating more awareness for metastatic breast cancer. I will start earlier next year and build on what I've learned.
But I've also decided to create my own holiday: Breast Cancer Remembrance Day. On Oct, 31, the final day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I will remember the friends and family I have lost to this disease. It's Sunday, so I will light a candle for them and say some prayers.
I will wear black, not for its funeral implications but for its simple dignity, a quality that has been sadly lacking these past 30 pink saturated days.

At 8:45 that night I will go outside with a flashlight. I'll think of the one in 8 U.S. women who will get breast cancer and the 45,000 who will die this year.
My eighth grade science teacher told us if you turned on a flashlight and pointed it toward the sky the photons leave the flashlight and they immediately start to spread out. Provided that they don't hit anything, each individual photon travels through space forever.
Time slows down as you approach the speed of light.
I'll think of those whose time was all too brief and I'll hope for brighter days ahead.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

moratorium...

While the name of this article is fairly ominous... "moratorium".... seriously???... the following article is quite interesting.  I have to imagine that this is over-stating the lack of funding for research into Stage IV cancers, but at the very least, I am now realizing how much this segment of the "cancer population" is over-looked...



'Moratorium On Studying And Treating Terminal Cancer Has Ended' - Genomic Systems Announcement

Terminal metastatic cancer - the presently untreatable cause of the great majority of all cancer deaths - has now been effectively treated in three common fatal cancers in mice, according to an announcement by Genomic Systems, citing research published online in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS).

Research conducted by Robert J. Debs, M.D., senior scientist at the California Pacific Medical Center Research Institute in collaboration with four other laboratories has shown that a monoclonal antibody targeting a protein called PECAM-1 is effective against this now invariably lethal stage of cancer in mice. This antibody also treats less advanced cancers, as well as the debilitating wasting syndrome that can develop as cancers progress.

Anti-PECAM-1-antibody produces its anti-cancer effects not by binding to tumor cells, but rather by binding to PECAM-1 on the surface of normal endothelial cells that line blood vessels. Because it acts through normal cells rather than directly on cancer cells, it is effective against a variety of different cancer types.

Laboratory testing has now shown anti-PECAM-1-antibody to be effective against colon cancer, breast cancer and melanoma. These are among the most frequently diagnosed fatal cancers in the United States, according to the National Cancer Institute.

"For the first time, preclinical studies provide hope for patients and their physicians that even the terminal stages of cancer do not invariably represent a hopeless situation. Our research has shown that some terminal cancers, as well as the debilitating wasting syndrome that can accompany them can now be treated in mice, said Dr. Debs. "Hopefully, these studies will encourage increased interest in studying terminal cancers, as well as stimulate others to develop additional new therapies that effectively target this most devastating stage of cancer."

The research also indicates that this antibody is well tolerated, even when administered at high doses to mice already debilitated by very advanced metastatic cancers. The antibody appears to work by selectively blocking PECAM-1's regulation of secreted proteins that promote advanced cancer's now lethal growth. Dr. Debs believes that specifically targeting these growth-promoting factors themselves may further improve the treatment of terminal cancer, and has the potential to significantly improve the lives of patients now suffering hopelessly from it.

"Preclinical studies focusing on terminal cancer are rare. Therefore, these patients have no therapies to either treat their cancer or give them hope. As a cancer specialist, all I could do for my patients with terminal cancers was to help make their remaining days as comfortable as possible," said Dr. Debs, who is trained as a medical oncologist and hematologist. "To be able to offer my patients with advanced cancers only palliative care and referral to hospice was not why I chose to become a cancer doctor. The profound, unmet medical and human needs of my patients in the terminal stages of cancer drove me into research."

Genomic Systems is working to develop Phase 1 testing of anti-PECAM-1 monoclonal antibody in patients with advanced cancers, hopefully within 2 years.

Genomic Systems, LLC, a privately held company, provided partial funding for this research. In accordance with PNAS financial disclosure policy, Dr. Debs and three other researchers have financial ownership investment in Genomic Systems.

More Fall Fun

A beautiful Saturday afternoon at Smithville Park in NJ... 

Mike's getting to be really good with his camera.  To check out all of the pictures from our day, check out our gallery on smugmug.  It has the full res pictures so you can download them too!