posted Thursday, 24 January 2008
I have surgery scheduled for next Wed - Jan 30. This could very well be it. Though I don't think I could bear the disappointment if things don't go as planned, so for now, it is just one surgery closer to the end.
I keep flip flopping though - I am not totally convinced that I should go through with it. The surgery is a "very small procedure" to reconstruct nipples. For the procedure, the MD will raise a flap of skin on each breast, twist it and stitch it back. (The alternative methodology uses a skin graft from your groin - no thanks!). Ok, sounds pretty easy... but complications can include infection and bloody nipples (lovely).
What if I am pushing my luck? Should I stop while I'm ahead? I'm REALLY happy with where I've gotten to. My MD says that taking these last few steps will really make a difference in taking my "reconstructed lumps" and transforming them into "breasts". I can see why he says that - it makes sense. While I am happy with my shape and I look "normal" in clothes, the focal point of my breasts are the scars. And the scars symbolize all that's been lost. Will the nipples provide the necessary distraction to focus on what's been gained instead?
I trust my dr. But I'm scared. Irrational, I know - this surgery is probably 1/100th as complicated/risky as the lat flap or the mastectomy... I'm so close to the finish line. I hope I can keep pace and make it across (without having to deal with bloody nipples!).
Technical article about how they do it... emedicine.com
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