posted Wednesday, 6 December 2006
Marley & Arabella (Bella)
Thanks for all your fun ideas for kitty names and stories about your own kitty adventures... after a full week of deliberations, I finally settled on these names. I spent the weekend creating lists of names in Excel (yes, of course in Excel), and trying out different names on the kitties. As I left to take them to the vet Monday morning, I thought that I was going with Gilmore & Bella, but I changed one last time at the last minute. Now it's official - their vet records no longer say No 1 & No 2... they say Marley Casill, Arabella Casill (and of course, Otis Casill). I think I chose well, because when I call their names, the kitties come sprinting! (well, sometimes....)
LC
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
WELCOME HOME BABIES!
posted 11/26/2006
Otis' wish came true yesterday -- he got a new baby sister and brother!!
About a year ago, I began thinking about bringing home another dog or cat to keep Otis company. Remembering back on how much work a puppy is, I was leaning toward a kitten. I even went so far as to venture out looking for one, but the adoption centers near me were full of adult cats. As much as I would like to help an old kitty, I doubted my ability to bring one into a house with a dog successfully. If I went with a feline, it had to be a kitty, so that it could grow up with Otis and not be afraid of him.
Over the course of the past year, I would peek into the "adoption center" at PetSmart, but "my kitty" was never there. I knew I would know him when I saw him. A week and a half ago, I was at PetSmart with Charlene and we peeked in to see the kitties. There was a beautiful Maine Coon cat (Miss Kitty) with a litter of kitties there. Two of the babies were polydactyls, meaning they had extra toes... they were so cute -- they looked like they were wearing mittens or that they had thumbs (see the picture below)! So cute! Plus, all the kitties in the litter were black with a patch of white fur on their chest -- just like Otis! They were perfect! I left that day with an application for adoption and spent a few days thinking about whether I should really consider taking a kitty into my home. I filled it out, just in case, and turned it back in.
Wednesday night, I got a call -- they had approved me... now I had to really think... and decide what to do.
For Thanksgiving, Mike and I went to Lancaster to spend time with my parents, as did my brother and his fiance Bonnie. I brought Otis and they brought their dog Molly and their kitten Max. This was perfect! I got a chance to see how Otis would behave with a kitty. He was pretty excited and wanted to chase Max around, but as the novelty wore off, he became a bit more calm and they could nearly coexist (I even caught Max sneaking up behind Otis and sniffing his tail!).
Mike and I went over to PetSmart on Saturday to see if "my kitty" was still there. Miss Kitty and her entire litter were still there. My heart melted. The adoption people weren't going to be there for another hour, so we went over to Borders to read up on "bringing home your kitten". We headed back to PetSmart and met up with Jodie, who let us come in and play with the kitties. They were so playful and crazy! The first to head over to us was the only boy in the litter (they called him "Beast"). He crawled right over my lap and was the most curious of the group. We decided that he was definitely "the one". As we watched them all play, I realized that I couldn't take home just one. They were so energetic and even if the kitty and Otis got along, it just wouldn't be the same. Plus, the kitty would be home alone all day, while I was at work and Otis was at Sedona's, so it would be nice to have another kitty to keep him company. Just then, one of the girls ran across the room and pounced on "Beast" and they began to wrestle. That was it -- we needed to take this one home too. It was one of the girls, with polydatcyly. They needed to stay together.
Miss Kitty said goodbye to two of her babies and we headed out to bring them home. For the time being, they have a pleasant little den in my spare bathroom. It's perfect - they love to leap from the sink -- to the top of the toilet -- to the bathtub (which has lots of little perches for them to climb on) -- even up onto the windowsill. They already use their litter box well and have been eating their food with no problem.
This afternoon, the kitties had their first trip down to explore the rest of the house. With Otis peering in from the backyard, they ventured out... cautiously at first, but curiosity got the best of them and they eventually made it downstairs to check out their new domain. Otis came back in (on a leash) and really really wanted to play with the kitties. They aren't quite sure what to think about Otis, but they are interested in checking him out. We've had several short introductions so far, with fairly good results. I'm sure in no time, they will be living together, as one big happy family!
Otis' wish came true yesterday -- he got a new baby sister and brother!!
About a year ago, I began thinking about bringing home another dog or cat to keep Otis company. Remembering back on how much work a puppy is, I was leaning toward a kitten. I even went so far as to venture out looking for one, but the adoption centers near me were full of adult cats. As much as I would like to help an old kitty, I doubted my ability to bring one into a house with a dog successfully. If I went with a feline, it had to be a kitty, so that it could grow up with Otis and not be afraid of him.
Over the course of the past year, I would peek into the "adoption center" at PetSmart, but "my kitty" was never there. I knew I would know him when I saw him. A week and a half ago, I was at PetSmart with Charlene and we peeked in to see the kitties. There was a beautiful Maine Coon cat (Miss Kitty) with a litter of kitties there. Two of the babies were polydactyls, meaning they had extra toes... they were so cute -- they looked like they were wearing mittens or that they had thumbs (see the picture below)! So cute! Plus, all the kitties in the litter were black with a patch of white fur on their chest -- just like Otis! They were perfect! I left that day with an application for adoption and spent a few days thinking about whether I should really consider taking a kitty into my home. I filled it out, just in case, and turned it back in.
Wednesday night, I got a call -- they had approved me... now I had to really think... and decide what to do.
For Thanksgiving, Mike and I went to Lancaster to spend time with my parents, as did my brother and his fiance Bonnie. I brought Otis and they brought their dog Molly and their kitten Max. This was perfect! I got a chance to see how Otis would behave with a kitty. He was pretty excited and wanted to chase Max around, but as the novelty wore off, he became a bit more calm and they could nearly coexist (I even caught Max sneaking up behind Otis and sniffing his tail!).
Mike and I went over to PetSmart on Saturday to see if "my kitty" was still there. Miss Kitty and her entire litter were still there. My heart melted. The adoption people weren't going to be there for another hour, so we went over to Borders to read up on "bringing home your kitten". We headed back to PetSmart and met up with Jodie, who let us come in and play with the kitties. They were so playful and crazy! The first to head over to us was the only boy in the litter (they called him "Beast"). He crawled right over my lap and was the most curious of the group. We decided that he was definitely "the one". As we watched them all play, I realized that I couldn't take home just one. They were so energetic and even if the kitty and Otis got along, it just wouldn't be the same. Plus, the kitty would be home alone all day, while I was at work and Otis was at Sedona's, so it would be nice to have another kitty to keep him company. Just then, one of the girls ran across the room and pounced on "Beast" and they began to wrestle. That was it -- we needed to take this one home too. It was one of the girls, with polydatcyly. They needed to stay together.
Miss Kitty said goodbye to two of her babies and we headed out to bring them home. For the time being, they have a pleasant little den in my spare bathroom. It's perfect - they love to leap from the sink -- to the top of the toilet -- to the bathtub (which has lots of little perches for them to climb on) -- even up onto the windowsill. They already use their litter box well and have been eating their food with no problem.
This afternoon, the kitties had their first trip down to explore the rest of the house. With Otis peering in from the backyard, they ventured out... cautiously at first, but curiosity got the best of them and they eventually made it downstairs to check out their new domain. Otis came back in (on a leash) and really really wanted to play with the kitties. They aren't quite sure what to think about Otis, but they are interested in checking him out. We've had several short introductions so far, with fairly good results. I'm sure in no time, they will be living together, as one big happy family!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
BACK AT HOME...
posted Thursday, 16 November 2006
Just a quick note to let you know that I am well and at home...
Surgery went well - the procedure took just about two and a half hours and then it took about that long for me to be feeling well enough to go home. I'm a bit more sore than I expected (I always under-estimate how tough the surgery will be, don't I?), but I left the hospital with no drains, so I am pleased as a plum!
My only complaint would be the fact that the anesth. had a heck of a time getting my IV in... 3rd time was the charm (but that meant 3x poking & prodding)... Every time we would get close, my veins would run and hide (I don't blame them one bit... after the way I've mistreated them over the past year). I had been pumping my arm furiously, trying to get the veins to pop, so when they finally got it in, a bunch of blood came gushing out... all over me and the bed I was in (gross!). Glad I was in a hospital bed and not at home... or in a motel room!
The Dr said that I should take it easy for a week or so -- good thing I rescheduled my 4 hour meeting that was supposed to be on Monday! I'll probably try to listen to the dr's orders and just do a little bit of work from home next week.
I'm home on the couch, snuggled in with "Goldie", my new stuffed puppy dog (Mike got him for me from the hospital gift shop). I've eaten some mac & cheese and am about to doze off. In fact, Mike is about to pull the plug on my computer, so I have to go... I just wanted to let you all know that everything went fine today.
Feel free to call on my cell phone, if you want. If I am asleep/don't feel up to talking, I just won't answer it :)
Love,
LC
Just a quick note to let you know that I am well and at home...
Surgery went well - the procedure took just about two and a half hours and then it took about that long for me to be feeling well enough to go home. I'm a bit more sore than I expected (I always under-estimate how tough the surgery will be, don't I?), but I left the hospital with no drains, so I am pleased as a plum!
My only complaint would be the fact that the anesth. had a heck of a time getting my IV in... 3rd time was the charm (but that meant 3x poking & prodding)... Every time we would get close, my veins would run and hide (I don't blame them one bit... after the way I've mistreated them over the past year). I had been pumping my arm furiously, trying to get the veins to pop, so when they finally got it in, a bunch of blood came gushing out... all over me and the bed I was in (gross!). Glad I was in a hospital bed and not at home... or in a motel room!
The Dr said that I should take it easy for a week or so -- good thing I rescheduled my 4 hour meeting that was supposed to be on Monday! I'll probably try to listen to the dr's orders and just do a little bit of work from home next week.
I'm home on the couch, snuggled in with "Goldie", my new stuffed puppy dog (Mike got him for me from the hospital gift shop). I've eaten some mac & cheese and am about to doze off. In fact, Mike is about to pull the plug on my computer, so I have to go... I just wanted to let you all know that everything went fine today.
Feel free to call on my cell phone, if you want. If I am asleep/don't feel up to talking, I just won't answer it :)
Love,
LC
Monday, November 13, 2006
Upcoming Surgery
posted Monday, 13 November 2006
Apparently, I've become fairly generic in my postings... and for that I do apologize. People keep asking me why I haven't updated my blog and the honest answer is that my life just really isn't that interesting. I could tell you all about my dog's newest trick (that's right -- Otis now knows how to roll over), just how clean I got my house before my mom came to house/dog-sit (you wouldn't have recognized it), my exciting travels for work (Ithaca, Troy and State College...) or my latest ultimate frisbee endeavors (ok - so maybe that one is interesting and I'll devote another blog entry to that)... but I'm just not sure that you're all interested in those musings... but since I do have another surgery upcoming, I figured I'd sit and give a quick update.
Surgery is this Thursday (Nov 16) at Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick. Relatively speaking, it should be fairly minor -- provided all goes well, I should be home the same day. They are swapping out my tissue expander and replacing it with a permanent implant (the technical term for it is "exchange surgery").
I did have to do a bit of thinking about what type of permanent implant I wanted. You may or may not know that silicone implants are being used in clinical trials for women having reconstruction after mastectomy. The latest silicone implants are called "cohesive gel" and they are the consistency of a gooey gummy bear. The idea is that even if the implant were to rupture (which, by the way... all implants rupture eventually... in fact, they only last 10 years on average and then you have to get them replaced! I had never heard that before), it would suck back into the implant instead of leaking out into your body (another aside- they still haven't proven whether silicone leaking into your body really causes harm, but I can't imagine that it's as benign as saline, which just gets absorbed by your body). The benefit of silicone is that it looks and feels more natural. Especially for women who have had a mastectomy (and have no natural tissue/fat on top of the implant), saline implants can look and feel very very fake. At the end of the day, I've decided to go with saline, at least for now. We'll see what the research shows 10 years from now, when I have to get it replaced! I'm just looking forward to getting rid of the rock hard grapefruit buried under my pec muscle... I'll let you know how it goes!
LC
Surgery is this Thursday (Nov 16) at Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick. Relatively speaking, it should be fairly minor -- provided all goes well, I should be home the same day. They are swapping out my tissue expander and replacing it with a permanent implant (the technical term for it is "exchange surgery").
I did have to do a bit of thinking about what type of permanent implant I wanted. You may or may not know that silicone implants are being used in clinical trials for women having reconstruction after mastectomy. The latest silicone implants are called "cohesive gel" and they are the consistency of a gooey gummy bear. The idea is that even if the implant were to rupture (which, by the way... all implants rupture eventually... in fact, they only last 10 years on average and then you have to get them replaced! I had never heard that before), it would suck back into the implant instead of leaking out into your body (another aside- they still haven't proven whether silicone leaking into your body really causes harm, but I can't imagine that it's as benign as saline, which just gets absorbed by your body). The benefit of silicone is that it looks and feels more natural. Especially for women who have had a mastectomy (and have no natural tissue/fat on top of the implant), saline implants can look and feel very very fake. At the end of the day, I've decided to go with saline, at least for now. We'll see what the research shows 10 years from now, when I have to get it replaced! I'm just looking forward to getting rid of the rock hard grapefruit buried under my pec muscle... I'll let you know how it goes!
LC
Comments:
1. Maura left...
Wednesday, 15 November 2006 11:09 am
I like your rock hard grapefruit.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
PERIOD.
posted Thursday, 31 August 2006
I know this subject makes some people uncomfortable... but frankly, I'm over that.... I GOT MY PERIOD THIS MORNING!
I have really been struggling to accept the fact that I may never be able to have biological children. The chemo is poison and it doesn't discriminate between good cells and bad cells and it really does a number on your insides. My last period was August 2005. While it was nice to not have to deal with cramps and tampons, the fact that I may not be able to experience childbirth was slowly breaking my heart. Deep down, I know I can still be a mom... but I want to experience the miracle that so many women get to experience.
It's been especially difficult as me and my friends enter our 30s... those clocks are ticking louder and louder. Babies are a common topic of conversation... who is having one... who is trying... some of my dearest friends are currently pregnant. I am so thrilled for them. At the same time, it has been difficult to separate this excitement from my own personal disappointment. I have not always been successful at that and I fear that I have not always been the most supportive friend. Please know that this is not because I don't love you or that I am not truly excited for you. I do and I am. I'm sorry that I couldn't deal with it better.
Just last night, I was talking with Mike about how I was sad and angry that I didn't think I'd ever be able to have kids. He told me that I needed to keep believing. How could he say that? How did he have so much faith when I had all but given up hope? How strange it was when I woke the next morning to find out that he was right...
I know that the damage to my ovaries could still cause problems down the line... but at least now I've got reason for renewed hope. Of course, now I have to deal with bloating, cramps & mood swings... but I guess that's a small price to pay.
BONNY MADE THIS COMMENT,
i love you menstruation!!!!!!!!!!!!!! congratulations that is amazing news!!!!!!!!!!!
ANNETTE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Congratulations!!!!! The faithful see the invisible, believe the incredible and then receive the impossible.
NANCY MADE THIS COMMENT,
We need to celebrate. Let's start now and go straight through to New Years!!!!!
KATIE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Wonderful, we will have a "Red Party" for you to celebrate your coming of age. miss you dearly
I know this subject makes some people uncomfortable... but frankly, I'm over that.... I GOT MY PERIOD THIS MORNING!
I have really been struggling to accept the fact that I may never be able to have biological children. The chemo is poison and it doesn't discriminate between good cells and bad cells and it really does a number on your insides. My last period was August 2005. While it was nice to not have to deal with cramps and tampons, the fact that I may not be able to experience childbirth was slowly breaking my heart. Deep down, I know I can still be a mom... but I want to experience the miracle that so many women get to experience.
It's been especially difficult as me and my friends enter our 30s... those clocks are ticking louder and louder. Babies are a common topic of conversation... who is having one... who is trying... some of my dearest friends are currently pregnant. I am so thrilled for them. At the same time, it has been difficult to separate this excitement from my own personal disappointment. I have not always been successful at that and I fear that I have not always been the most supportive friend. Please know that this is not because I don't love you or that I am not truly excited for you. I do and I am. I'm sorry that I couldn't deal with it better.
Just last night, I was talking with Mike about how I was sad and angry that I didn't think I'd ever be able to have kids. He told me that I needed to keep believing. How could he say that? How did he have so much faith when I had all but given up hope? How strange it was when I woke the next morning to find out that he was right...
I know that the damage to my ovaries could still cause problems down the line... but at least now I've got reason for renewed hope. Of course, now I have to deal with bloating, cramps & mood swings... but I guess that's a small price to pay.
BONNY MADE THIS COMMENT,
i love you menstruation!!!!!!!!!!!!!! congratulations that is amazing news!!!!!!!!!!!
ANNETTE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Congratulations!!!!! The faithful see the invisible, believe the incredible and then receive the impossible.
NANCY MADE THIS COMMENT,
We need to celebrate. Let's start now and go straight through to New Years!!!!!
KATIE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Wonderful, we will have a "Red Party" for you to celebrate your coming of age. miss you dearly
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
ANOTHER CHECKUP -- PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS
posted Tuesday, 15 August 2006
As you know, I go back to the oncologist every 4 months for the first few years. For some reason (ok not such a strange reason), these visits strike fear within my deepest soul. I spend days dreading the visit and then several more days, waiting for test results.
Again, I have passed. My blood tests were normal and there was nothing detectable. Next visit is December 12 (the one year anniversary of my tamoxifen therapy)... until then...
As you know, I go back to the oncologist every 4 months for the first few years. For some reason (ok not such a strange reason), these visits strike fear within my deepest soul. I spend days dreading the visit and then several more days, waiting for test results.
Again, I have passed. My blood tests were normal and there was nothing detectable. Next visit is December 12 (the one year anniversary of my tamoxifen therapy)... until then...
Saturday, July 29, 2006
SUMMER FUN - TRUDGE GETS HITCHED
There hasn't really been much news this summer. I've been keeping busy busy... between work, ultimate and a bajillion weddings... I barely found time to turn 30 years old in there!
The quick recap on the trudge weddings:
Laura & Greg's wedding was July 1 in Saratoga. I got to visit Jess (and if she ever sends me the picture of me & Jack, I can show you her lovely little boy!) & Steve and went for a fantastic hike just west of Albany...
Irene and Scott got married July 29, in Hartford, CT (it's about time!). Another gorgeous wedding and a fun weekend!
posted Saturday, 29 July 2006
The quick recap on the trudge weddings:
Laura & Greg's wedding was July 1 in Saratoga. I got to visit Jess (and if she ever sends me the picture of me & Jack, I can show you her lovely little boy!) & Steve and went for a fantastic hike just west of Albany...
Irene and Scott got married July 29, in Hartford, CT (it's about time!). Another gorgeous wedding and a fun weekend!
posted Saturday, 29 July 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
30 IS THE NEW 20... FOR REAL
posted Saturday, 22 July 2006
I took it like a champ... I say 'bring it on'... 30's have got to be better than the 20's, right?
I celebrated my big 3 oh in the Poconos, with family and friends. My Aunt Deb & Uncle Bill hosted us during the day, while folks kept me up WAY past my bedtime fixing flat tires, playing True Colors and doing some late-night baking at the house we rented around the corner.
Thanks to everyone for making it such a memorable weekend -- I can't think of a better way to have spent my 30th.
I took it like a champ... I say 'bring it on'... 30's have got to be better than the 20's, right?
I celebrated my big 3 oh in the Poconos, with family and friends. My Aunt Deb & Uncle Bill hosted us during the day, while folks kept me up WAY past my bedtime fixing flat tires, playing True Colors and doing some late-night baking at the house we rented around the corner.
Thanks to everyone for making it such a memorable weekend -- I can't think of a better way to have spent my 30th.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
HEY NOW... YOU'RE AN *ALL STAR*
posted Saturday, 15 July 2006
Saturday was MCUDL all star day, followed by Jaegro's bachelor party continued... (the boys had done it up in NYC on friday night and invited the gals to join them at the beach saturday night). While we didn't get to chill with Bruce, we did get to eat at the Chat & Nibble (finally) and check out the finer points of Asbury...
Sunday, we headed over to Spring Lake for some beaching... and then over to Pete & Elda's for the best thin crust pizza in the world. Vlad hooked me up with a Snicker's Ice Cream cake and I got to ring in my birthday eve with "the crew", wrapping up a fantastic weekend.
Saturday was MCUDL all star day, followed by Jaegro's bachelor party continued... (the boys had done it up in NYC on friday night and invited the gals to join them at the beach saturday night). While we didn't get to chill with Bruce, we did get to eat at the Chat & Nibble (finally) and check out the finer points of Asbury...
Sunday, we headed over to Spring Lake for some beaching... and then over to Pete & Elda's for the best thin crust pizza in the world. Vlad hooked me up with a Snicker's Ice Cream cake and I got to ring in my birthday eve with "the crew", wrapping up a fantastic weekend.
Tuesday, July 4, 2006
FLOODS AND FIREWORKS
posted Tuesday, 4 July 2006
July 1 was Greg & Laura's wedding in Saratoga Springs. I took a few days off from work and decided to drive to Ithaca and then ride up to Albany with Mike. I was planning to work from Ithaca, but struggled with connectivity. My cell phone reception was spotty and I had trouble getting on line at the local coffee shop. Having Otis with me and not wanting to leave him home alone (bc I know he howls the whole time he is home alone), I was limited in where I could go (and the coffee shop had "free internet" and outdoor seating... too bad I couldn't get it to work). Anyways, we drove up to Albany on Friday, which was easier said than done... it had rained for nearly a week straight and there was massive flooding in NE PA and upstate NY - particularly around Binghamton and just north in Sidney, NY. In fact, the flooding washed away a huge section of Rt 88, killing two truckers... it was all very crazy.
Anyways, we stopped by to visit my dear friend Jessica, who just moved back to the Albany area after a brief stint in NC. I finally got to meet her baby boy Jack, who is no longer a baby, but a very active 18 month old... what fun!
Saturday was the wedding. We were joined by friends from RPI - Tate & Susie, Pete & Meg, Jim & Sherry, Bowers & Jamie, Reed & Megan, Benny G & Beth and Alicia. Quite a group... thanks to Pete and Meg for hosting us all... the wedding was lovely and Laura looked beautiful. Greg and his mom danced to Outkast - very cute. The party was fun and I am quite sure that a good time was had by all.
On Sunday, we went for a hike about 30 minutes West of Troy (where 90 & 88 meet). It was an awesome place, with several waterfalls and steep trails that take you right along the river bed. Otis loved swimming (can you see him in the water by the little waterfall?)
We headed back to Ithaca and spent the next few days there. July 4 we went to watch the fireworks at Ithaca college, from the slope at Cornell. Otis came with us and was a big hit... apparently, he is much more fun than fireworks (according to the young girl pounding mgd next to us at the fireworks). Wee... I love fireworks! :)
July 1 was Greg & Laura's wedding in Saratoga Springs. I took a few days off from work and decided to drive to Ithaca and then ride up to Albany with Mike. I was planning to work from Ithaca, but struggled with connectivity. My cell phone reception was spotty and I had trouble getting on line at the local coffee shop. Having Otis with me and not wanting to leave him home alone (bc I know he howls the whole time he is home alone), I was limited in where I could go (and the coffee shop had "free internet" and outdoor seating... too bad I couldn't get it to work). Anyways, we drove up to Albany on Friday, which was easier said than done... it had rained for nearly a week straight and there was massive flooding in NE PA and upstate NY - particularly around Binghamton and just north in Sidney, NY. In fact, the flooding washed away a huge section of Rt 88, killing two truckers... it was all very crazy.
Anyways, we stopped by to visit my dear friend Jessica, who just moved back to the Albany area after a brief stint in NC. I finally got to meet her baby boy Jack, who is no longer a baby, but a very active 18 month old... what fun!
Saturday was the wedding. We were joined by friends from RPI - Tate & Susie, Pete & Meg, Jim & Sherry, Bowers & Jamie, Reed & Megan, Benny G & Beth and Alicia. Quite a group... thanks to Pete and Meg for hosting us all... the wedding was lovely and Laura looked beautiful. Greg and his mom danced to Outkast - very cute. The party was fun and I am quite sure that a good time was had by all.
On Sunday, we went for a hike about 30 minutes West of Troy (where 90 & 88 meet). It was an awesome place, with several waterfalls and steep trails that take you right along the river bed. Otis loved swimming (can you see him in the water by the little waterfall?)
We headed back to Ithaca and spent the next few days there. July 4 we went to watch the fireworks at Ithaca college, from the slope at Cornell. Otis came with us and was a big hit... apparently, he is much more fun than fireworks (according to the young girl pounding mgd next to us at the fireworks). Wee... I love fireworks! :)
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
TERRY LYNNE GIFFORD
posted Wednesday, 28 June 2006
Terry Gifford is my friend Sara's mom. In 2000, she was told that she had breast cancer... and her prognosis was not good. Terry didn't believe what the drs told her. In fact, she refused to believe it. She fought with all she had and prooved them all wrong, entering remission. Unfortunately, the cancer was too aggressive and it continued to attack. I met Terry in June 2005, the same week that I had received my diagnosis. Some friends thought I was crazy (that it would be too hard to see someone so entrenched in the battle), but I wanted to meet this amazing woman. While I spent only a few hours with Terry, she made a lasting impression on me. Her positive attitude, open nature and obvious love for her family and for life are things I will always carry with me. The Giffords are a beautiful family and Terry was a beautiful mother and friend. She was one of the bravest women I've ever met. Terry died on June 24. We celebrated Terry Gifford's life on July 8/9, at her home and church in Hartford, CT.
I'm sorry Sara - I'm sorry that your family had to go through so much hurt. I'm sorry that we couldn't make her better. I'm sorry that I didn't know her better. Most of all, I'm sorry you had to say goodbye.
GIFFORD, Terry Lynne Terry Lynne (Stansfield) Gifford died peacefully on Saturday, (June 24, 2006) at her home in Marlborough. She was born on September 13, 1951 in Dayton, OH to Donald H. and Louise (Sinclair) Stansfield and moved to Hamilton Square, NJ when she was 5. She was an avid skater and progressed to the Pre-Gold Test level in ice dancing. She graduated second in her class from Steinert High School in Hamilton Square in 1969. She attended St. Lawrence University in Canton, NY. There she was instrumental in forming The Larryettes, an ice skating club that performed during the intermissions of the hockey games. She graduated in 1972 as valedictorian, summa cum laude in mathematics and a member of the Phi Beta Kappa national academic honorary. After earning a Masters degree in mathematics at the University of Denver in 1974 she went to work in the Information Systems department at Pratt & Whitney in East Hartford where she continued in positions of increasing responsibility until April 2005. In 1977 she married Michael T. Gifford and settled in Marlborough. Terry was an active member and past president of the Skating Club of Hartford and worked on the Hartford World Figure Skating Championships in 1981. The couple have three beloved daughters of whom they are very proud, Sara, age 26, Elizabeth (Libby), age 24, and Jennifer, age 22. Sara is currently working as a programmer in Morristown, NJ, Libby is a speech therapist in Framingham, MA and Jennifer a graduate student in geology at the University of Florida in Gainesville, FL. Terry was one of the founding mothers of the Marlborough Educational Child Care Association (MECCA) latchkey center at Elmer Thienes Elementary School. A long time member of the Marlborough Congregational Church, she was financial secretary for several years and a member of the bell choir. After her diagnosis with breast cancer in 2000, she fulfilled a dream by becoming a professional needlepoint designer. Terry's Kick Back & Stitch geometric designs are very successful and widely known. A memorial service will be held at the Marlborough Congregational Church on Sunday, July 9 at 2 p.m. Spencer Funeral Home, 112 Main St., East Hampton has care of arrangements.
Terry Gifford is my friend Sara's mom. In 2000, she was told that she had breast cancer... and her prognosis was not good. Terry didn't believe what the drs told her. In fact, she refused to believe it. She fought with all she had and prooved them all wrong, entering remission. Unfortunately, the cancer was too aggressive and it continued to attack. I met Terry in June 2005, the same week that I had received my diagnosis. Some friends thought I was crazy (that it would be too hard to see someone so entrenched in the battle), but I wanted to meet this amazing woman. While I spent only a few hours with Terry, she made a lasting impression on me. Her positive attitude, open nature and obvious love for her family and for life are things I will always carry with me. The Giffords are a beautiful family and Terry was a beautiful mother and friend. She was one of the bravest women I've ever met. Terry died on June 24. We celebrated Terry Gifford's life on July 8/9, at her home and church in Hartford, CT.
I'm sorry Sara - I'm sorry that your family had to go through so much hurt. I'm sorry that we couldn't make her better. I'm sorry that I didn't know her better. Most of all, I'm sorry you had to say goodbye.
GIFFORD, Terry Lynne Terry Lynne (Stansfield) Gifford died peacefully on Saturday, (June 24, 2006) at her home in Marlborough. She was born on September 13, 1951 in Dayton, OH to Donald H. and Louise (Sinclair) Stansfield and moved to Hamilton Square, NJ when she was 5. She was an avid skater and progressed to the Pre-Gold Test level in ice dancing. She graduated second in her class from Steinert High School in Hamilton Square in 1969. She attended St. Lawrence University in Canton, NY. There she was instrumental in forming The Larryettes, an ice skating club that performed during the intermissions of the hockey games. She graduated in 1972 as valedictorian, summa cum laude in mathematics and a member of the Phi Beta Kappa national academic honorary. After earning a Masters degree in mathematics at the University of Denver in 1974 she went to work in the Information Systems department at Pratt & Whitney in East Hartford where she continued in positions of increasing responsibility until April 2005. In 1977 she married Michael T. Gifford and settled in Marlborough. Terry was an active member and past president of the Skating Club of Hartford and worked on the Hartford World Figure Skating Championships in 1981. The couple have three beloved daughters of whom they are very proud, Sara, age 26, Elizabeth (Libby), age 24, and Jennifer, age 22. Sara is currently working as a programmer in Morristown, NJ, Libby is a speech therapist in Framingham, MA and Jennifer a graduate student in geology at the University of Florida in Gainesville, FL. Terry was one of the founding mothers of the Marlborough Educational Child Care Association (MECCA) latchkey center at Elmer Thienes Elementary School. A long time member of the Marlborough Congregational Church, she was financial secretary for several years and a member of the bell choir. After her diagnosis with breast cancer in 2000, she fulfilled a dream by becoming a professional needlepoint designer. Terry's Kick Back & Stitch geometric designs are very successful and widely known. A memorial service will be held at the Marlborough Congregational Church on Sunday, July 9 at 2 p.m. Spencer Funeral Home, 112 Main St., East Hampton has care of arrangements.
Monday, June 5, 2006
LET THE "CANCER-VERSARIES" BEGIN
posted Monday, 5 June 2006
One year ago today, I was getting ready to head out to watch the "Pike Invite" ultimate tournament, when I noticed a lump in my left breast. It felt like a "Mike and Ike" under the skin - yet I kept thinking that perhaps it was my imagination. I got ready and headed out to the fields. As I drove, my hands kept wandering over to my breast... feeling one side... and then the other... comparing... prodding... I couldn't decide whether it was real or in my head... so I solicited the advice of my dear friend Susie. While not a medical expert, Susie was able to confirm that there was definitely something there that didn't feel right. Interesting. I didn't freak out. I didn't panic. I woke the next morning and called my ob/gyn and they made me an appointment for later that week. I debated whether to tell my mother. I knew she would be worried and since 80% of lumps in young women are "nothing"... why worry her over nothing. But I knew that she would be even more upset if I didn't tell her. Over the next few weeks, my breasts lost everything sacred. Over 20 strangers saw them... touched them... so did the majority of my girlfriends (though that probably wasn't that out of the ordinary!) They became clinical. In fact, I wanted all my girlfriends to touch my lump - to feel what it felt like - to educate themselves.
Life as I knew it was never going to be the same. That wasn't all bad, in fact, I can honestly say that I life took on a new and improved direction. Over the course of the next year, I would find out just what I was made of... and just how much support and love I had from those around me (if I would only slow down and let them).
Rolling up on the one year mark has really been in my head. So much is now in the past, but so much uncertainty lies in the future. I celebrate a victory... but recognize that there may be battles lying ahead. Sometimes I don't know whether to celebrate or to cry. I welcome you to both celebrate and cry with me. In fact, I invite you to. These anniversaries bring cancer once again to the fore-front of my mind... it weighs heavy. Once again, I will lean on my friends and family to get me through. Striking a balance between fear and ambivolance is a challenge. I figure, I will learn as I live.
My upcoming "cancer-versaries":
June 5 - found a lump in my left breast
June 9 - visit ob/gyn... ultrasound... mammogram
June 10 - visit breast surgeon... breast biopsy
June 20 - diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma (LET'S CELEBRATE AND CRY AS I MARK ONE YEAR AS A CANCER SURVIVOR)
June 21 - pre-admission testing, chest x-ray, bone scan, ct scan
June 23 - PET scan
June 28 - lumpectomy & lanxillary ymph node dissection
July 25 - re-excision lumpectomy
August 8 - chemo begins
November 16 - last chemo
December 12 - begin tamoxifen
December 30 - receive genetic testing results
January 4 - bilateral mastectomy
February 2 - left expander removed
...
...
January 2007? - latissimus dorsal flap reconstruction
MOM MADE THIS COMMENT,
June 20th is the date that stands out in my mind. That is the date that the doctor confirmed what we were hoping and praying wasn't true. In 2005 that was the worst day of our lives...but in 2006 it marks a year that you have survived and that is a very happy day! We will go on, one day at a time. You cannot waste precious time worrying about things you can't control...I say that to myself as much as to you. I love you and admire all the strength, wisdom, and courage you have shown this past year.
KATIE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Bravo Linda! I still remember your call and those very quiet first minutes you told me about your lump being cancer. I am grateful to be reading this today, I love you
One year ago today, I was getting ready to head out to watch the "Pike Invite" ultimate tournament, when I noticed a lump in my left breast. It felt like a "Mike and Ike" under the skin - yet I kept thinking that perhaps it was my imagination. I got ready and headed out to the fields. As I drove, my hands kept wandering over to my breast... feeling one side... and then the other... comparing... prodding... I couldn't decide whether it was real or in my head... so I solicited the advice of my dear friend Susie. While not a medical expert, Susie was able to confirm that there was definitely something there that didn't feel right. Interesting. I didn't freak out. I didn't panic. I woke the next morning and called my ob/gyn and they made me an appointment for later that week. I debated whether to tell my mother. I knew she would be worried and since 80% of lumps in young women are "nothing"... why worry her over nothing. But I knew that she would be even more upset if I didn't tell her. Over the next few weeks, my breasts lost everything sacred. Over 20 strangers saw them... touched them... so did the majority of my girlfriends (though that probably wasn't that out of the ordinary!) They became clinical. In fact, I wanted all my girlfriends to touch my lump - to feel what it felt like - to educate themselves.
Life as I knew it was never going to be the same. That wasn't all bad, in fact, I can honestly say that I life took on a new and improved direction. Over the course of the next year, I would find out just what I was made of... and just how much support and love I had from those around me (if I would only slow down and let them).
Rolling up on the one year mark has really been in my head. So much is now in the past, but so much uncertainty lies in the future. I celebrate a victory... but recognize that there may be battles lying ahead. Sometimes I don't know whether to celebrate or to cry. I welcome you to both celebrate and cry with me. In fact, I invite you to. These anniversaries bring cancer once again to the fore-front of my mind... it weighs heavy. Once again, I will lean on my friends and family to get me through. Striking a balance between fear and ambivolance is a challenge. I figure, I will learn as I live.
My upcoming "cancer-versaries":
June 5 - found a lump in my left breast
June 9 - visit ob/gyn... ultrasound... mammogram
June 10 - visit breast surgeon... breast biopsy
June 20 - diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma (LET'S CELEBRATE AND CRY AS I MARK ONE YEAR AS A CANCER SURVIVOR)
June 21 - pre-admission testing, chest x-ray, bone scan, ct scan
June 23 - PET scan
June 28 - lumpectomy & lanxillary ymph node dissection
July 25 - re-excision lumpectomy
August 8 - chemo begins
November 16 - last chemo
December 12 - begin tamoxifen
December 30 - receive genetic testing results
January 4 - bilateral mastectomy
February 2 - left expander removed
...
...
January 2007? - latissimus dorsal flap reconstruction
MOM MADE THIS COMMENT,
June 20th is the date that stands out in my mind. That is the date that the doctor confirmed what we were hoping and praying wasn't true. In 2005 that was the worst day of our lives...but in 2006 it marks a year that you have survived and that is a very happy day! We will go on, one day at a time. You cannot waste precious time worrying about things you can't control...I say that to myself as much as to you. I love you and admire all the strength, wisdom, and courage you have shown this past year.
KATIE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Bravo Linda! I still remember your call and those very quiet first minutes you told me about your lump being cancer. I am grateful to be reading this today, I love you
DEAR MARCELA
posted Monday, 5 June 2006
I got a txt message last night from one of my two roommates from the Young Women's Breast Cancer Convention in Denver this past February. The txt message woke me from sleep - I picked up my phone to read those words... It said "call me about marcela". immediately I knew. When I returned Andrea's call, my fear was confirmed. Marcela Vargas died Thursday morning.
Marcela, our 3rd roommate was a ray of sunshine. She had booked a hotel room and offered it up to us on a message board for young women with breast cancer. Not knowing anyone at this conference, I responded to her email and decided to room with her at the conference.
Marcela and I bonded - Nov 17, 2005 marked the last day of chemo for both of us. We shared the same struggle of facing this battle alone, as a single young woman. Wondering if we would ever find someone who would look beyond our battle and join us on our journey. Dealing with friends who could not face our disease and so chose to turn away. Ultimately gracious for the friends and family who, despite how uncomfotable this whole thing made them, chose instead to lift us up and help us keep moving forward. Marcela and I lay awake our last night in Denver, in the dark, and talked openly and honestly, as if we had known each other for years. We cried for one another.
Marcela was diagnosed with metastisis to her hips, spine & left lung less than 2 weeks after we got home from Denver. She had been complaining of hip pain while we were there, but her dr had told it was only a pinched nerve. She was just about to finish her treatment, when all the rules changed. She had 4 more weeks of radiation for her bone mets and more chemo for her lungs. All this when she was just gearing up to celebrate the end of her initial treatment.
Marcela - I cried for you again today. This world is a lonelier place without you in it. You fought good girl. You inspired others. I know that you will be looking down on your sisters here - not only your sisters by birth... but your sisters by circumstance... praying for us as we continue on our journeys. Live BIG!
Marcela Vargas
February 18, 1975 - June 1, 2006
Miss Me, But Let Me Go
Author Unknown
When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little—but not too long, and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that was once shared. Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the master’s plan, a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds. Miss me, but let me go.
I got a txt message last night from one of my two roommates from the Young Women's Breast Cancer Convention in Denver this past February. The txt message woke me from sleep - I picked up my phone to read those words... It said "call me about marcela". immediately I knew. When I returned Andrea's call, my fear was confirmed. Marcela Vargas died Thursday morning.
Marcela, our 3rd roommate was a ray of sunshine. She had booked a hotel room and offered it up to us on a message board for young women with breast cancer. Not knowing anyone at this conference, I responded to her email and decided to room with her at the conference.
Marcela and I bonded - Nov 17, 2005 marked the last day of chemo for both of us. We shared the same struggle of facing this battle alone, as a single young woman. Wondering if we would ever find someone who would look beyond our battle and join us on our journey. Dealing with friends who could not face our disease and so chose to turn away. Ultimately gracious for the friends and family who, despite how uncomfotable this whole thing made them, chose instead to lift us up and help us keep moving forward. Marcela and I lay awake our last night in Denver, in the dark, and talked openly and honestly, as if we had known each other for years. We cried for one another.
Marcela was diagnosed with metastisis to her hips, spine & left lung less than 2 weeks after we got home from Denver. She had been complaining of hip pain while we were there, but her dr had told it was only a pinched nerve. She was just about to finish her treatment, when all the rules changed. She had 4 more weeks of radiation for her bone mets and more chemo for her lungs. All this when she was just gearing up to celebrate the end of her initial treatment.
Marcela - I cried for you again today. This world is a lonelier place without you in it. You fought good girl. You inspired others. I know that you will be looking down on your sisters here - not only your sisters by birth... but your sisters by circumstance... praying for us as we continue on our journeys. Live BIG!
Marcela Vargas
February 18, 1975 - June 1, 2006
Miss Me, But Let Me Go
Author Unknown
When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little—but not too long, and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that was once shared. Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the master’s plan, a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds. Miss me, but let me go.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
LIFE IS A THEATRE
posted Thursday, 1 June 2006
Life is a Theatre
Life is a Theatre
Invite Your Audience Carefully!
Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.
There are some people in our life that need to be loved from a distance.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of,
or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going-anywhere relationships and friendships.
Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or worse?
Which ones have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love, and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row
and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
If you can not “change” the people around you,
change the people you’re around.
MOM MADE THIS COMMENT,
I would like to reserve a seat in your front row. :-)
Life is a Theatre
Life is a Theatre
Invite Your Audience Carefully!
Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.
There are some people in our life that need to be loved from a distance.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of,
or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going-anywhere relationships and friendships.
Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or worse?
Which ones have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love, and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row
and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
If you can not “change” the people around you,
change the people you’re around.
MOM MADE THIS COMMENT,
I would like to reserve a seat in your front row. :-)
Monday, May 29, 2006
Memorial Day
posted Monday, 29 May 2006
What better way to spend Memorial Day weekend? I drove up to Ithaca on Thursday night, taking a four day weekend, which I desperately needed. My dear friend, Katie, who lives in Rochester, was going to come down on Friday to spend the day with me. Mike was working, so this was quite perfect.
I met up with Katie, Tim, Bridget & Emma for lunch at the Ithaca Bakery and then we went over to spend the afternoon at the Sciencenter, where we got to see baby snakes hatching and play on a giant swing... despite the drizzle, we had a blast! Dinner at the ABC Cafe was yummy, with lots of veggie options. Tim, Katie and I split a bottle of wine, which tasted so good that we decided to stop for another bottle on the way home. Since Mike was moving on Saturday and his entire apartment was packed, we were smart enough to think to buy a cheap corkscrew. Well done! We were not, however, smart enough to realize that he had absolutely no glasses to pour the wine into. So it was either: pour the wine into the empty beer bottles (from the boys) or swig it straight from the bottle. The answer was obvious.
So, we spent the evening watching Sound of Music on the big screen (Mike has a projection tv, which I, at first, questioned the practicality of... but over time, have come to love...), sitting on a mattress on the floor, swigging wine straight from the bottle.
Speaking of the Sound of Music... there is lots of fun on the internet...
Sound of Music Ringtones - who wouldn't want their ringtone set to 'the lonely goatherd'?
Sound of Music Lyrics - so you can sing along like a pro
Sound of Music Drinking Game - if you feel like misbehaving (not that I would condone this)
Sound of Music Trivia - to see just how much you know
Emma & Bridget playing at the Sciencenter
More fun at the Sciencenter & hanging out at the docks at the farmer's market
Otis apparently does not want his picture taken...
I don't understand why because he is darn photogenic... how cute is he?
Tim & Emma... tired and ready to go home...
I have confidence...
What would this day be like, I wonder
What will my future be, I wonder...
It could be so exciting
To be out in the world to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh what's the matter with me
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I never dared
Now here I am facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
Captain with seven children...
What so fearsome about that
Oh I must stop these doubts all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I'll show them...I'll show me...so...
Let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children, heaven bless them
They will look up to me and mind me
With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up, wake up!
It tells me all I trust I leave my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone...
I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides which you see I have confidence in me...
Comments:
MOM MADE THIS COMMENT,
Looks like you had a great time with Katie and her family. Who wrote the poem?
MANDY MILLER MADE THIS COMMENT,
What a WONDERFUL poem! Thank you for sharing it... for some reason today I needed a reminder to 'live for the moment' and this was just the kick in the pants I needed. Thanks!!! -Mandy
LINDA CASILL MADE THIS COMMENT,
The poem is the song that Maria sings as she heads off on the bus to Captain Von Trappe's house with her guitar... Mom, Mandy - I order both of you to go watch the Sound of Music! You are too rusty!
What better way to spend Memorial Day weekend? I drove up to Ithaca on Thursday night, taking a four day weekend, which I desperately needed. My dear friend, Katie, who lives in Rochester, was going to come down on Friday to spend the day with me. Mike was working, so this was quite perfect.
I met up with Katie, Tim, Bridget & Emma for lunch at the Ithaca Bakery and then we went over to spend the afternoon at the Sciencenter, where we got to see baby snakes hatching and play on a giant swing... despite the drizzle, we had a blast! Dinner at the ABC Cafe was yummy, with lots of veggie options. Tim, Katie and I split a bottle of wine, which tasted so good that we decided to stop for another bottle on the way home. Since Mike was moving on Saturday and his entire apartment was packed, we were smart enough to think to buy a cheap corkscrew. Well done! We were not, however, smart enough to realize that he had absolutely no glasses to pour the wine into. So it was either: pour the wine into the empty beer bottles (from the boys) or swig it straight from the bottle. The answer was obvious.
So, we spent the evening watching Sound of Music on the big screen (Mike has a projection tv, which I, at first, questioned the practicality of... but over time, have come to love...), sitting on a mattress on the floor, swigging wine straight from the bottle.
Speaking of the Sound of Music... there is lots of fun on the internet...
Sound of Music Ringtones - who wouldn't want their ringtone set to 'the lonely goatherd'?
Sound of Music Lyrics - so you can sing along like a pro
Sound of Music Drinking Game - if you feel like misbehaving (not that I would condone this)
Sound of Music Trivia - to see just how much you know
Emma & Bridget playing at the Sciencenter
More fun at the Sciencenter & hanging out at the docks at the farmer's market
Otis apparently does not want his picture taken...
I don't understand why because he is darn photogenic... how cute is he?
Tim & Emma... tired and ready to go home...
I have confidence...
What would this day be like, I wonder
What will my future be, I wonder...
It could be so exciting
To be out in the world to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh what's the matter with me
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I never dared
Now here I am facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
Captain with seven children...
What so fearsome about that
Oh I must stop these doubts all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I'll show them...I'll show me...so...
Let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children, heaven bless them
They will look up to me and mind me
With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up, wake up!
It tells me all I trust I leave my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone...
I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides which you see I have confidence in me...
Comments:
MOM MADE THIS COMMENT,
Looks like you had a great time with Katie and her family. Who wrote the poem?
MANDY MILLER MADE THIS COMMENT,
What a WONDERFUL poem! Thank you for sharing it... for some reason today I needed a reminder to 'live for the moment' and this was just the kick in the pants I needed. Thanks!!! -Mandy
LINDA CASILL MADE THIS COMMENT,
The poem is the song that Maria sings as she heads off on the bus to Captain Von Trappe's house with her guitar... Mom, Mandy - I order both of you to go watch the Sound of Music! You are too rusty!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Race for the CURE
posted Sunday, 14 May 2006
The outpouring of support that I experienced last year when I decided to participate in the NJ Race for the Cure was truly amazing -- I am long long overdue in thanking you.
Through your generosity, my team - "Ain't Nothin Gonna Break My Stride" raised over $6k! That translates into funding over 600 mammograms for uninsured women! Thank you thank you thank you!
In 2005, the NJ race itself was cancelled, due to 7 days of heavy rains. Many members of my team joined me for breakfast that morning to celebrate anyways.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to walk in my first race, crossing the river to participate in the Philadelphia Race for the Cure. With over 45k people turning out, including over 5k breast cancer survivors, the event was unbelievable.
Imagine wading through the crowd and then climbing the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum where the "survivors" are gathered... searching for your friend among the thousands already gathered there... and finally seeing her... with her beautiful bald head, smiling and waving back at you...
Imagine standing on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum... and looking out over the streets below to see thousands upon thousands of people who got up at the crack of dawn to come out and support this cause....
Imagine getting up at 6am - cabbing it across the city in the cold, gray morning (fingers crossed that it doesn't rain) - walking the 5k course among the masses... seeing the families & friends banding together to support loved ones in treatment or to honor the memory of loved ones who fought the good fight... trying not to cry... thanks Abs for going with me and sharing this experience...
I want to thank all those who joined me last fall and this spring for the Race, either by joining my team or by contributing to the cause, including:
Abby Schock
Abigail Thomas + friends
Aja Nichols
Ali Akbar
Alicia Dunne
Andrew Loughrey
Arthur & Norma Larosee
bert kolaski
Brandon Silverman
Bonny Hodges
Brian Boger
Cristal Chan
Daniel Kirshner
Dean Kameros
Deborah Schein
Debra & Bill Casill
Donna Bell
Dylan Klein-Denk
Elizabeth Thompson on behalf of Founder's Section Women's Ultimate
Elizabeth Thompson
Eric Schlesinger
Eugene Atwood
Glenn Sabin
Howard Deutsch
Irene Wong on behalf of TRUDGE
James Adelizzi
James Casill
Jeff Gold
Jeffrey Chung
Jen Freeman
Jen Maupin
Jennifer Cohen
Jessica Jarvis
Joseph Chapman
Julie Gabrielli
Kaori Yamada
Karin Hunziker
Katherine Turnamian
Kathryn Mousaw
Kathy Ambrose
Kathy Houser
Kevin Conover
Kristen Geary
Kristine Norgren
Laura Begert
Laura Konieczny
Lauren Hlavaty
Lynne Simson
mark wachter
Mary , Charlie Ferretti
Marye Casill
Matt Natale
Maura Flight
Meryl Klein
Michael MacDougal
Michael Jaeger
Michael Vogel
Mihaela Ugarcovici
Mike Schlamp
Nancy Kijowski
Nancy Scheraga
Patricia Casill
Peter & Meg Hale
Prasanna Sridharan
Pratap Khedkar
Rasika Dhamakar
Renee Grabelle
Rich Sanda
Robin Grapkowski
Ronda Wells
Sara Gifford
Sarah Koegel
sarah jarvis
Sherrie Barone
Stacy Sarvis
Steve Lahet
Steven Traub
Susan Drummond
Susan Pearson
Tara Konzelmann
Tate Allen
Terry Gifford
Tim Shalizi
Tina Schlesinger
Tracy Herman
TYCO Matching Gift
William Jakobowski
William Coyle
William P. Zupko
The outpouring of support that I experienced last year when I decided to participate in the NJ Race for the Cure was truly amazing -- I am long long overdue in thanking you.
Through your generosity, my team - "Ain't Nothin Gonna Break My Stride" raised over $6k! That translates into funding over 600 mammograms for uninsured women! Thank you thank you thank you!
In 2005, the NJ race itself was cancelled, due to 7 days of heavy rains. Many members of my team joined me for breakfast that morning to celebrate anyways.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to walk in my first race, crossing the river to participate in the Philadelphia Race for the Cure. With over 45k people turning out, including over 5k breast cancer survivors, the event was unbelievable.
Imagine wading through the crowd and then climbing the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum where the "survivors" are gathered... searching for your friend among the thousands already gathered there... and finally seeing her... with her beautiful bald head, smiling and waving back at you...
Imagine standing on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum... and looking out over the streets below to see thousands upon thousands of people who got up at the crack of dawn to come out and support this cause....
Imagine getting up at 6am - cabbing it across the city in the cold, gray morning (fingers crossed that it doesn't rain) - walking the 5k course among the masses... seeing the families & friends banding together to support loved ones in treatment or to honor the memory of loved ones who fought the good fight... trying not to cry... thanks Abs for going with me and sharing this experience...
I want to thank all those who joined me last fall and this spring for the Race, either by joining my team or by contributing to the cause, including:
Abby Schock
Abigail Thomas + friends
Aja Nichols
Ali Akbar
Alicia Dunne
Andrew Loughrey
Arthur & Norma Larosee
bert kolaski
Brandon Silverman
Bonny Hodges
Brian Boger
Cristal Chan
Daniel Kirshner
Dean Kameros
Deborah Schein
Debra & Bill Casill
Donna Bell
Dylan Klein-Denk
Elizabeth Thompson on behalf of Founder's Section Women's Ultimate
Elizabeth Thompson
Eric Schlesinger
Eugene Atwood
Glenn Sabin
Howard Deutsch
Irene Wong on behalf of TRUDGE
James Adelizzi
James Casill
Jeff Gold
Jeffrey Chung
Jen Freeman
Jen Maupin
Jennifer Cohen
Jessica Jarvis
Joseph Chapman
Julie Gabrielli
Kaori Yamada
Karin Hunziker
Katherine Turnamian
Kathryn Mousaw
Kathy Ambrose
Kathy Houser
Kevin Conover
Kristen Geary
Kristine Norgren
Laura Begert
Laura Konieczny
Lauren Hlavaty
Lynne Simson
mark wachter
Mary , Charlie Ferretti
Marye Casill
Matt Natale
Maura Flight
Meryl Klein
Michael MacDougal
Michael Jaeger
Michael Vogel
Mihaela Ugarcovici
Mike Schlamp
Nancy Kijowski
Nancy Scheraga
Patricia Casill
Peter & Meg Hale
Prasanna Sridharan
Pratap Khedkar
Rasika Dhamakar
Renee Grabelle
Rich Sanda
Robin Grapkowski
Ronda Wells
Sara Gifford
Sarah Koegel
sarah jarvis
Sherrie Barone
Stacy Sarvis
Steve Lahet
Steven Traub
Susan Drummond
Susan Pearson
Tara Konzelmann
Tate Allen
Terry Gifford
Tim Shalizi
Tina Schlesinger
Tracy Herman
TYCO Matching Gift
William Jakobowski
William Coyle
William P. Zupko
Monday, May 1, 2006
stolen choices
posted Monday, 1 May 2006
I typically like to keep my blogs focused on the positive - those who love me and the strength that I have derived from their love. Your friendship and support is what has gotten me through this journey in one piece. I am now done with treatment, cancer-free, back at work... one might even suggest "back to normal". The battle may be over, but I am starting to realize that the war may never end. Cancer will be a part of who I am for the rest of my life. And sometimes that really sucks.
I went in for my annual appointment with my gynecologist today (don't worry, I will spare you the details). Girls, I'm sure you'll all agree that this is never a fun trip. Little did I know just how difficult this trip would now be for me.
First, this is where it all started. I can remember sitting in this very waiting room, unsure of what this lump was... waiting for hours after my visit with the dr so that they could squeeze me in for an ultrasound... and so the journey began...
While I was there, I also had to go in for a pelvic ultrasound, screening my ovaries for ovarian cancer (due to my BRCA 1+ status, I am at high risk for ovarian cancer and need screening every six months). They call me back and I change into the gown. He begins with an external ultrasound, lubing up my belly with gel and firing up the machine. As I lay there, my head to the side so that I can watch on the monitor, I am suddenly struck by just how messed up this scene is. It's just like they show on tv... but instead of smiling... crying... and seeing my first glance of my unborn child.... I am looking at my shrunken ovaries... making sure there are no signs of cancer. Tears that rarely surface find their way to the edge and trickle down my face. There is noplace to turn, without being bombarded: framed ultrasounds on the walls, an advertisement to purchase a video of your baby's first ultrasound, the happy, expecting women in the waiting room... this place is a young cancer survivor's worst nightmare.
I finish the ultrasound early (half an hour before my dr appt) and head out to the parking lot to release. Mike, who to this point has not seen me cry (despite becoming one of the closest friends in my life... during one of the most trying times of my life), receives my desperate phone call. He is actually on his way out of town (after visiting for the weekend) and offers to take a detour on his way home to spend the afternoon with me (my dr is over an hour north of my house, so not totally out of the way... but really not on the way either).
After a 20 minute break from the madness, I dry my eyes and head back into the waiting room. Heck, I've been through so much this past year... what's one more trial? They call my name and I head back with the nurse. Weight and then into the room for blood pressure. She kindly tells me how they have all been thinking about me so much over the past year. The tech who did my initial ultrasound has asked how I am doing... and again, I am broken. Thank goodness for the drug reps who leave boxes of tissues for the docs... whether they influence prescribing, I don't know... but they did come in handy.
I know that most of my blog rings forth with sounds of bravery and triumph. I haven't written in a very long time because I could not bring my self to think about this event... though I could not just skip over it either. Only time will tell if my ovaries were tough enough to withstand the poison my body was doused with. This definitely stands as the most emotionally challenging hurdle this journey has placed in my way. I know that the outcome does not define whether or not I will have a family. There are plenty of children in the world in need of love. I just wish that this choice was one that I was allowed to make myself.
I went in for my annual appointment with my gynecologist today (don't worry, I will spare you the details). Girls, I'm sure you'll all agree that this is never a fun trip. Little did I know just how difficult this trip would now be for me.
First, this is where it all started. I can remember sitting in this very waiting room, unsure of what this lump was... waiting for hours after my visit with the dr so that they could squeeze me in for an ultrasound... and so the journey began...
While I was there, I also had to go in for a pelvic ultrasound, screening my ovaries for ovarian cancer (due to my BRCA 1+ status, I am at high risk for ovarian cancer and need screening every six months). They call me back and I change into the gown. He begins with an external ultrasound, lubing up my belly with gel and firing up the machine. As I lay there, my head to the side so that I can watch on the monitor, I am suddenly struck by just how messed up this scene is. It's just like they show on tv... but instead of smiling... crying... and seeing my first glance of my unborn child.... I am looking at my shrunken ovaries... making sure there are no signs of cancer. Tears that rarely surface find their way to the edge and trickle down my face. There is noplace to turn, without being bombarded: framed ultrasounds on the walls, an advertisement to purchase a video of your baby's first ultrasound, the happy, expecting women in the waiting room... this place is a young cancer survivor's worst nightmare.
I finish the ultrasound early (half an hour before my dr appt) and head out to the parking lot to release. Mike, who to this point has not seen me cry (despite becoming one of the closest friends in my life... during one of the most trying times of my life), receives my desperate phone call. He is actually on his way out of town (after visiting for the weekend) and offers to take a detour on his way home to spend the afternoon with me (my dr is over an hour north of my house, so not totally out of the way... but really not on the way either).
After a 20 minute break from the madness, I dry my eyes and head back into the waiting room. Heck, I've been through so much this past year... what's one more trial? They call my name and I head back with the nurse. Weight and then into the room for blood pressure. She kindly tells me how they have all been thinking about me so much over the past year. The tech who did my initial ultrasound has asked how I am doing... and again, I am broken. Thank goodness for the drug reps who leave boxes of tissues for the docs... whether they influence prescribing, I don't know... but they did come in handy.
I know that most of my blog rings forth with sounds of bravery and triumph. I haven't written in a very long time because I could not bring my self to think about this event... though I could not just skip over it either. Only time will tell if my ovaries were tough enough to withstand the poison my body was doused with. This definitely stands as the most emotionally challenging hurdle this journey has placed in my way. I know that the outcome does not define whether or not I will have a family. There are plenty of children in the world in need of love. I just wish that this choice was one that I was allowed to make myself.
Comments:
1. Katie left...
Monday, 5 June 2006 10:37 am
Thank you for being honest and sharing this experience on your blog. This is real and this is part of it. Pain is part of this journey; hearing you acknowledge your sadness and anger is good to hear, a relief to hear. It doesn't make you less brave or not optimistic, it makes you real, and even more lovable. What is that saying...a well behaved woman never changed history...or something like that. (Also, your curls cause you to be more lovable as well)
Thursday, April 13, 2006
FIRST FOLLOW-UP
posted Thursday, 13 April 2006
Today was my first quarterly follow-up visit with my oncologist... How odd it felt to be back in that office that I frequented so often last fall.
It was like deja vu as I headed back to the lab for my blood work. It appears that my veins are beginning to heal, making this a rather uneventful experience. In addition to standard blood tests, I had an additional test called a CA-125 test (this is a protein that can be made by abnormal ovary cells and is used to help screen for ovarian cancer). Because of my BRCA 1+ status, I am also at high risk for ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, there really is no good way to screen for this (even the CA-125 is often inaccurate)... but I suppose this is the best we can do.
Next I saw the nurse for my blood pressure and weight. I think she was surprised to see that I had put back on all the weight I lost during chemo (and then some!)... I guess I hide it fairly well!
Finally I go in to see Dr Cairoli. He examines me and we discuss the ongoing screening. I had heard from some others that even with a mastectomy, they sometimes offer/recommend radiation (typically, you get radiation after a lumpectomy). Over the past few months, I had been thinking a lot about this... should I ask for radiation? (Am I crazy to want more treatment?) It feels so good to be done, but I do not ever want to look back on this and wonder "if only I had done the radiation..."
What I had heard was that with mastectomy, the recommendation is based on the # of + lymph nodes:
3+ radiation of the node field & chest wall
1-3 optional radiation (not necessarily recommended)
0 no radiation (risks outweigh the benefit)
I fall into the 1-3 range, where it is not really recommended, but sometimes offered. Dr Cairoli clarified the guidelines for me. He said that with 1-3 lymph nodes, radiation is only recommended if the tumor was very large (>5 cm). He really felt that the risks of the radiation would outweigh the benefits that I would receive, therefore he would not recommend it. After discussing it, I was comfortable with this recommendation and could put the issue to rest. I've done everything I can to fight this with the information that is available at this time and I can not/will not question that further.
We wrap up the appointment and schedule my next visit. On my way out, I stop by the treatment room to say hello to the nurses and show off my curls. It's like a big reunion party. It's kind of strange, as I look into the treatment rooms, knowing that that was once me sitting in those chairs... and in all honesty, it could be once again.
I now have to wait a few days for my bloodwork to come back. This is fairly excrutiating. Why is it taking so long? Finally, Dr C calls and lets me know that all of my tests came back normal. It is really a huge relief. I can't believe that I will be going through this every 4 months. The waiting game is frustrating, nerve racking and emotionally exhausting. It is hard to keep from thinking about "what if", but for now, I will try to focus on "what is".
Today was my first quarterly follow-up visit with my oncologist... How odd it felt to be back in that office that I frequented so often last fall.
It was like deja vu as I headed back to the lab for my blood work. It appears that my veins are beginning to heal, making this a rather uneventful experience. In addition to standard blood tests, I had an additional test called a CA-125 test (this is a protein that can be made by abnormal ovary cells and is used to help screen for ovarian cancer). Because of my BRCA 1+ status, I am also at high risk for ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, there really is no good way to screen for this (even the CA-125 is often inaccurate)... but I suppose this is the best we can do.
Next I saw the nurse for my blood pressure and weight. I think she was surprised to see that I had put back on all the weight I lost during chemo (and then some!)... I guess I hide it fairly well!
Finally I go in to see Dr Cairoli. He examines me and we discuss the ongoing screening. I had heard from some others that even with a mastectomy, they sometimes offer/recommend radiation (typically, you get radiation after a lumpectomy). Over the past few months, I had been thinking a lot about this... should I ask for radiation? (Am I crazy to want more treatment?) It feels so good to be done, but I do not ever want to look back on this and wonder "if only I had done the radiation..."
What I had heard was that with mastectomy, the recommendation is based on the # of + lymph nodes:
3+ radiation of the node field & chest wall
1-3 optional radiation (not necessarily recommended)
0 no radiation (risks outweigh the benefit)
I fall into the 1-3 range, where it is not really recommended, but sometimes offered. Dr Cairoli clarified the guidelines for me. He said that with 1-3 lymph nodes, radiation is only recommended if the tumor was very large (>5 cm). He really felt that the risks of the radiation would outweigh the benefits that I would receive, therefore he would not recommend it. After discussing it, I was comfortable with this recommendation and could put the issue to rest. I've done everything I can to fight this with the information that is available at this time and I can not/will not question that further.
We wrap up the appointment and schedule my next visit. On my way out, I stop by the treatment room to say hello to the nurses and show off my curls. It's like a big reunion party. It's kind of strange, as I look into the treatment rooms, knowing that that was once me sitting in those chairs... and in all honesty, it could be once again.
I now have to wait a few days for my bloodwork to come back. This is fairly excrutiating. Why is it taking so long? Finally, Dr C calls and lets me know that all of my tests came back normal. It is really a huge relief. I can't believe that I will be going through this every 4 months. The waiting game is frustrating, nerve racking and emotionally exhausting. It is hard to keep from thinking about "what if", but for now, I will try to focus on "what is".
Thursday, April 6, 2006
SPEAKING OUT
posted Thursday, 6 April 2006
Tonight I attended a training for the Komen Foundation Speaker's Bureau. The Komen Foundation Central & South Jersey Affiliate runs the NJ Race for the Cure and has granted to hospitals and nonprofits to fund education, screening and treatment for the medically underserved.
The Speaker's Bureau volunteers lead discussions on breast health and the Komen Foundation. I am excited to begin giving back by spending time helping the foundation & becoming an advocate for women in NJ.
If you are interested in doing more, become an advocate- you can start small by emailing your Congress-person about pending legislation to fund screening and research for breast cancer. The website makes it super easy!
If you are interested in having somebody from the Komen Foundation (me?) come and speak to your group in Central or South Jersey, please let me know!
Komen Mission - To eradicate breast cancer as a life-threatening disease by advancing research, education, screening and treatment.
Central & South
Jersey Affiliate Vision - To affect a meaningful reduction in the percentage of late stage diagnoses of breast cancer through aggressive education and screening
Tonight I attended a training for the Komen Foundation Speaker's Bureau. The Komen Foundation Central & South Jersey Affiliate runs the NJ Race for the Cure and has granted to hospitals and nonprofits to fund education, screening and treatment for the medically underserved.
The Speaker's Bureau volunteers lead discussions on breast health and the Komen Foundation. I am excited to begin giving back by spending time helping the foundation & becoming an advocate for women in NJ.
If you are interested in doing more, become an advocate- you can start small by emailing your Congress-person about pending legislation to fund screening and research for breast cancer. The website makes it super easy!
If you are interested in having somebody from the Komen Foundation (me?) come and speak to your group in Central or South Jersey, please let me know!
Komen Mission - To eradicate breast cancer as a life-threatening disease by advancing research, education, screening and treatment.
Central & South
Jersey Affiliate Vision - To affect a meaningful reduction in the percentage of late stage diagnoses of breast cancer through aggressive education and screening
Thursday, March 9, 2006
Fill 'er up!
posted Thursday, 9 March 2006
Today was another follow-up appointment with Dr Borah. At my last appointment, two weeks ago, we discussed beginning to fill up the expander on the right side. Since I was heading out to Denver for the conference that weekend, I decided to hold off (plus, I didn't want to risk losing that expander too, by stretching the skin too quickly). Today, we began.
First, Dr Borah took this small plastic contraption that had a small magnet hanging from a string in the middle of it. He slid the doo-dad around on my skin until the magnet was hanging straight down, signifying that it was directly over the metal port in the expander under my skin. He approached it from several directions, marking up the spot with a purple marker. Finally, we were ready to begin. An IV bag was hanging behind me, filled with saline. The tube led down to a split -- one direction went to a syringe and the other direction went to a needle. He filled the syringe with 50 cc's of saline and then stuck the needle through my chest into the port. It felt very strange. Not really painful... just weird. Like pressure. He slowly pushed in the syringe, forcing the saline into the expander that is burried under my pec. Weird! He told me that we would stop as soon as I felt "vague discomfort". I stopped him almost immediately... he called my bluff. We finally agreed to push in the entire 50 cc's and even added 10 cc's more. I probably stopped him too early, but I am travelling to Minneapolis for a wedding this weekend and really don't want to be uncomfortable. Plus, I'm really not in a rush, seeing as how the left side is going to take another surgery... so slow and steady...
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you all about my trip to the Totally You boutique down by the shore... Charlene's cousin owns the store and we went down a week ago to look at prosthetic breasts. Yes - it's true... after all these years, I have finally decided to start stuffing my bra! I didn't mind being small... but I at least want to be even (at least when I am out in public). Since I was unsure about how long I would be uneven for (whether I am going to have the surgery in May or wait until next winter), I didn't want to spend too much on a prosthetic. They range from ~$45 for a foam insert... to $400 for a realistic looking silicone breast. They sell bras, camisoles & swimsuits with pockets in them to hold the prosthetic. In the end, I settled for a weighted foam prosthetic (it's weighted so that it doesn't ride up in your shirt). It was pretty weird to wear at first, but I am getting used to it. If I decide to hold off on surgery, I think I will go back and get a nicer piece... but this will do for now. I've decided that she needs a name though... any suggestions (keep in mind, my grandparents read this blog, so keep it clean, will ya!)?
So anyways, between my A cup prosthetic and my slightly inflated expander, I am almost even... in fact, I would be surprised (and curious as to why they are staring) if anybody could really tell the difference. Now that I am getting used to wearing it, I feel nearly 100% comfortable and natural, which is really a great thing.
First, Dr Borah took this small plastic contraption that had a small magnet hanging from a string in the middle of it. He slid the doo-dad around on my skin until the magnet was hanging straight down, signifying that it was directly over the metal port in the expander under my skin. He approached it from several directions, marking up the spot with a purple marker. Finally, we were ready to begin. An IV bag was hanging behind me, filled with saline. The tube led down to a split -- one direction went to a syringe and the other direction went to a needle. He filled the syringe with 50 cc's of saline and then stuck the needle through my chest into the port. It felt very strange. Not really painful... just weird. Like pressure. He slowly pushed in the syringe, forcing the saline into the expander that is burried under my pec. Weird! He told me that we would stop as soon as I felt "vague discomfort". I stopped him almost immediately... he called my bluff. We finally agreed to push in the entire 50 cc's and even added 10 cc's more. I probably stopped him too early, but I am travelling to Minneapolis for a wedding this weekend and really don't want to be uncomfortable. Plus, I'm really not in a rush, seeing as how the left side is going to take another surgery... so slow and steady...
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you all about my trip to the Totally You boutique down by the shore... Charlene's cousin owns the store and we went down a week ago to look at prosthetic breasts. Yes - it's true... after all these years, I have finally decided to start stuffing my bra! I didn't mind being small... but I at least want to be even (at least when I am out in public). Since I was unsure about how long I would be uneven for (whether I am going to have the surgery in May or wait until next winter), I didn't want to spend too much on a prosthetic. They range from ~$45 for a foam insert... to $400 for a realistic looking silicone breast. They sell bras, camisoles & swimsuits with pockets in them to hold the prosthetic. In the end, I settled for a weighted foam prosthetic (it's weighted so that it doesn't ride up in your shirt). It was pretty weird to wear at first, but I am getting used to it. If I decide to hold off on surgery, I think I will go back and get a nicer piece... but this will do for now. I've decided that she needs a name though... any suggestions (keep in mind, my grandparents read this blog, so keep it clean, will ya!)?
So anyways, between my A cup prosthetic and my slightly inflated expander, I am almost even... in fact, I would be surprised (and curious as to why they are staring) if anybody could really tell the difference. Now that I am getting used to wearing it, I feel nearly 100% comfortable and natural, which is really a great thing.
Comments:
1. susie left...
Thursday, 23 March 2006 8:05 pm
how about Patti, kind of like "paddy"--get it, like a padded bra?
Thursday, March 2, 2006
BACK TO WORK
posted Thursday, 2 March 2006
March 1 was officially my first day back at ZS Associates. Of course, I had a client meeting scheduled and didn't actually make it into the office, but technically, I was "at work". Many people commented that it was crazy to have a meeting on my first day back, but it was actually kind of nice. I didn't have to prepare the meeting materials or give the presentation -- I just sat there and listened. It was a nice welcome back too, as I was returning to work with one of the clients that I had been working with before I left. The folks at the meeting were all people who I had known and worked with and who were actively supporting me in my absense. It was nice to see everyone - I got hugs and "welcome backs" and it really felt great!
March 2, I returned to the office to find a lovely bouquet of flowers and a Whole Foods gift card from Meryl, the office manager, and a Welcome Back sign on my office door from Vanita. Folks stopped in throughout the day, making it fairly unproductive, but still... really great to be back. Thank you to everyone for making me feel so welcome!
I am planning to take back only one of the two clients that I had before I got sick, representing ~50% of the client work that I was doing a year ago. To fill my time, I will be taking on several internal projects, providing me with more flexibility and less stress, as I transition back into life at ZS.
March 1 was officially my first day back at ZS Associates. Of course, I had a client meeting scheduled and didn't actually make it into the office, but technically, I was "at work". Many people commented that it was crazy to have a meeting on my first day back, but it was actually kind of nice. I didn't have to prepare the meeting materials or give the presentation -- I just sat there and listened. It was a nice welcome back too, as I was returning to work with one of the clients that I had been working with before I left. The folks at the meeting were all people who I had known and worked with and who were actively supporting me in my absense. It was nice to see everyone - I got hugs and "welcome backs" and it really felt great!
March 2, I returned to the office to find a lovely bouquet of flowers and a Whole Foods gift card from Meryl, the office manager, and a Welcome Back sign on my office door from Vanita. Folks stopped in throughout the day, making it fairly unproductive, but still... really great to be back. Thank you to everyone for making me feel so welcome!
I am planning to take back only one of the two clients that I had before I got sick, representing ~50% of the client work that I was doing a year ago. To fill my time, I will be taking on several internal projects, providing me with more flexibility and less stress, as I transition back into life at ZS.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
LIVING BEYOND BREAST CANCER
posted Tuesday, 28 February 2006
This past weekend was the Sixth Annual National Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer, in Denver, CO. It was co-sponsored by the Young Survival Coalition (YSC) and Living Beyond Breast Cancer (LBBC). I had not planned on attending. I did not want to spend a weekend with a bunch of people with cancer. It’s just easier to move forward (or should I say ignore?) here in NJ… Being engulfed in it seemed much too overwhelming.
The YSC has an online message board that I occasionally read. While in Ithaca, I saw a posting from a young woman in PA who had just been diagnosed. For some reason, I felt compelled to email her. She responded and asked if I was going to the conference in Denver. Well gee – this gal had only been diagnosed 2 weeks ago and she was going to the conference… maybe I should go… nah – still seems too scary. After discussing it with several of my close friends, I decided to suck it up and go. Worst case – I’d spend the weekend in Denver.
I booked my flight and found a roommate (or should I say roommates) on the YSC board (if the conference wasn’t scary enough, I roomed with two complete strangers: Marcela, from LA & Andrea, from Philly… fortunately, they turned out to be very nice ladies). I packed my bags and headed out to Denver.
Jen, the woman who initially inspired me to go to the conference turned out to be on the same flight as I did. We met in the airport and immediately hit it off. I know it sounds cheesy, but sharing something like a diagnosis of breast cancer has a way of bonding people. A sort of “sisterhood”, if you will… though one where your heart breaks each time you have to welcome someone new into it. With Jen, I think we probably would have been friends regardless – she’s a fantastic gal, full of energy, friendly & funny. This was nice because we could talk about things other than just *cancer*. Her boyfriend was attending the conference with her. He’s pretty alright too. As much as I had wished that I had a partner when I began this journey, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be in that person’s shoes. I suppose it is the same for any dear friend or family member… to hear the news… and feel not only fear, but also to feel helpless from the inability to control or change the situation… to battle the uncertainty and despair of not knowing what to say or do to make things better (to be honest though… even just the “I’m thinking of you’s”, the hugs, the “I love you’s”, and the “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I am hear for you’s” really do make a difference – as do the visits, the cards, the emails). Jen, Mark and I were immediately connected and I was thankful that I was not heading off to Denver alone.
We arrived in Denver and caught the shuttle to downtown. The ride from the airport to the hotel was relatively unimpressive, but as I gazed out the window, across the plain to the mountains in the distance, I thought: “I could live here…” (sorry Mom!) The conference was held at the Adam’s Mark Hotel, which is right on the pedestrian mall in downtown Denver. Walking out of the lobby put you smack dab in the middle of the action – restaurants, stores, etc… were all within a short walk (or ride on the free “Mall Shuttle”). We grabbed lunch and then headed back to the hotel to register for the conference.
At registration, they were handing out Hawaiian leis (the cheap plastic ones), which we were supposed to wear all weekend. The colors of the leis had meaning:
• White = diagnosed within the past year
• Blue/Purple/Pink = diagnosed 2-3 years ago/4-7 years ago/etc (not sure of the actual colors/time frames here)
• Orange = metastatic (the cancer has spread beyond the breast)
• Yellow = caregiver
• Blue = health care professional
There were 700+ participants at the conference, the majority of which are breast cancer survivors. The first thing you saw when you met a new person was their lei. I could not help but cringe any time I saw an orange one. My first thoughts were of sympathy and concern for that person (metastatic cancer is not yet considered “curable”, however you can live for many years with chemo keeping the cancer in check)… but they also drifted to anxiety… what color lei would I be wearing a year from now? 5 years from now? When confronted with these thoughts, I tried to focus on the fact that these women were here this weekend – they were still living and fighting and hopefully, treatment will continue to improve.
The conference ran from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. There were 3 breakout sessions (which I will describe later), as well as several plenary sessions. There were also many “networking breaks” built into the session. The first networking session broke us out by geographic region – the girls I met from the northeast became my pals for the remainder of the conference (Jen, Suellen from NJ, Heather from MD, Pam from Boston). Some of these breaks were spent wandering the Exhibit Hall (full of tables from non-profits, clothing, jewelry, pharma companies, etc)… while some were spent “networking” at the hotel bar upstairs or enjoying the sunshine and some caffeine at Starbucks, across the street… I’m not sure why I feared meeting other women who have gone through this same battle… It was nice to feel connected and know that I am not the only one who has dealt with this at such a young age. Plus, the girls were great! I like to think that I will stay friends with several of them as this experience falls further and further into the past (of course, I don’t doubt that this experience has changed me at the core and will never truly be in the past).
The Breakout Sessions:
• Food for Thought: Practical Advice on Diet and Fitness - The nutrition part of this session was interesting, though it didn’t shed any light on my most burning nutrition question (soy is a phytoestrogen or natural estrogen and the jury is still out on whether it is ok for folks with estrogen receptor + cancers, where the tumor fed on estrogen). The fitness section of this session was pretty pointless, which didn’t really surprise me. Unfortunately, the session was so packed that we had to sit on the floor. We weren’t off to an incredible start.
• Outer Strength, Inner Peace: Using Stress Management Techniques to Enhance Your Life - I debated which session to attend for the second breakout – fertility, genetic testing or this one. Since I had been to several talks about the former, I chose stress. I chose poorly. I did get a chuckle at this session though. We had gone through the “symptoms of stress checklist” and were walking through many of them, with a show of hands to people who felt they had each symptom. “Headache” – the whole room raised their hands… “Indigestion” – again, nearly everyone had their hand up… “Back tension” – the same… “Irritability”, “Bossiness” – many were still raising their hands. We then moved into behaviors… “excessive use of alcohol” – again, I raised my hand… I was the only one. WHAT!?! Earlier, we had brainstormed on ways to relieve stress (take a walk, massage, garden, etc) and “drink alcohol” came up… but nobody raised their hand for “alcohol use is a symptom of my stress”. I then looked down at the pin that I was wearing on my nametag, which I had purchased in the Exhibit Hall – it was a pink martini, where the stem of the glass was a pink ribbon (I’m not a big fan of the “in your face” pink ribbon campaign, but this was cute and not so obvious…). So here I looked like this big boozer (which we know is not the case)… it was pretty amusing. Next, we did a “relaxation exercise”, which was frustrating – it was too difficult to concentrate/relax in a room with 70 other people… and the session was feeling a bit too hokey for me. I bailed and headed to the bar… (just kidding – I headed to the session on Fertility)
• Preserving Fertility After Breast Cancer: Options and Strategies - This was a smaller session, but clearly, a topic very important to those attending. Unfortunately, the speaker didn’t gauge the audience well. She spent the first half hour talking about ways of preserving fertility before beginning treatment. The room, however, was full of women who had already gone through treatment. That ship had already sailed. The frustrating thing is that there really isn’t much that she could have told us – nobody seems to know why some women’s ovaries shut down from the chemo, how long it takes for one’s period to resume (it varies wildly), or what can be done to kick start ovarian function. While I know that I can still be a mom, regardless (there are many children out there needing love), but I can’t help but to cheer on my ovaries daily (come on girls!) and anxiously await the return of my old “friend”…
• Finding Your Way: Dating After Breast Cancer- I remember attending a YSC dinner in early December, where I met ~30 young women who had survived breast cancer. As we went around the room and introduced ourselves, I realized that I was the only single gal in the room. It then hit me. Dating was hard enough before all of this. How am I ever going to meet someone now? How do you tell a new guy this history without him bailing for fear of “emotional baggage”… or worse… When do you tell him? It’s too hard. The irony of this all, as many of you probably know, is that shortly before Christmas, the unthinkable happened. I met somebody. I guess “met” is an inaccurate term, since I’ve known Mike for nearly 10 years… but I suddenly realized that this friend of mine was a pretty terrific guy… and that the pursuit of a deeper relationship would bring personal growth and joy to my life. The best part of it was: he already knew that I had been sick. I find myself amazed at his strength – I didn’t have a choice about whether I wanted to get cancer, but he has a choice. He chose to join me in this fight… and every day, I am thankful that he has.
• Shaping the Future: Understanding Your Breast Reconstruction Options – If you’ve been following my blog, you probably know that this session alone provided the majority of my motivation to attend the conference. Because the expander + implant route didn’t/won’t work on my left side, I am faced with a tough decision about using tissue/skin/muscle from another part of my body (typically stomach or back), in order to complete reconstruction. This is something that, frankly, terrifies me. I have given up enough this past year, I really don’t want to wind up with diminished muscle functioning for a surgery that is essentially cosmetic. There are some new techniques where they take just the fat and skin (no muscle) from your stomach or butt and move it to your chest. The difference is that since they are sparing the muscle, they must sever the blood vessels and sew them into the blood vessels in your chest. This is a much longer surgery and there is a risk of the skin flap failing (thus putting you back to square one). This session was informative, but initially frustrating – the MD announced at the beginning that we should feel free to ask questions as we went through… however, suddenly, we found ourselves more than halfway through the time slot, on page 2 of his presentation and listening to him respond to women who were asking very specific questions that pertained only to their own experience (and which, he couldn’t give a great answer to without understanding their complete history). Finally, someone commented that they’d like to hear his presentation and we got back on track. Bottom line: the “free flap” procedures, while sparing muscle, leave extremely large/visible scarring on the donor site. He has had very few complications with the lat flap (where they take muscle from your back) and it sounds like this is not as scary an option as I initially believed. I’m still not sure whether I want to do the surgery this spring or wait until next winter, but I am leaning towards the lat flap procedure…
Outside of the planned sessions, I managed to have a great time too! On Saturday night, Jen, Mark and I skipped the PJ Party at the hotel and hit a piano bar called Sing Sing, which was a blast! We got there too late to get a seat, which worked out fine, since everyone was on their feet dancing all night long… if you are ever in Denver (or Pittsburgh, where they also have one), I totally recommend it!
On Sunday, Kara (a Rutgers alum who lived in NJ until relocating to CO a few years ago) came and picked me up after the conference ended. I got to see her house, downtown Boulder and some great views from Flagstaff Mtn. I am really glad that I got out of downtown Denver to see more of the area – it was gorgeous! Plus, it was great to hang out with Kara & Stu – people who you can go for years without seeing and then spend a day with, like you are old neighbors.
On Monday, I hung out with Suellen and her friends who live in Denver. We did some shopping, including the Title 9 store, REI, Patagonia (troubles!) and had lunch… Suellen was heading back on a 5pm flight and mine wasn’t until nearly midnight, so they dropped me off at the park in front of the capitol building, where I hung out on a bench, reading and talking on the phone. While I was lying there, an SUV with tinted windows rolled up and gave me a “verbal warning” for sleeping in the park (apparently, you are only allowed to sleep in the other side of the park, which I had walked through and found to be quite scary…). So, I wasn’t sleeping, but I was lying down and I did have several shopping bags with me… kind of funny. The guy left with a stern warning “just make sure you don’t fall asleep here!” Once night fell, I found it difficult to kill time, but I did go get a manicure, check out the souvenir shops and eat a Cajun dinner before catching the shuttle back to the airport. I am definitely glad that I stayed the extra day to check out the scene.
This past weekend was the Sixth Annual National Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer, in Denver, CO. It was co-sponsored by the Young Survival Coalition (YSC) and Living Beyond Breast Cancer (LBBC). I had not planned on attending. I did not want to spend a weekend with a bunch of people with cancer. It’s just easier to move forward (or should I say ignore?) here in NJ… Being engulfed in it seemed much too overwhelming.
The YSC has an online message board that I occasionally read. While in Ithaca, I saw a posting from a young woman in PA who had just been diagnosed. For some reason, I felt compelled to email her. She responded and asked if I was going to the conference in Denver. Well gee – this gal had only been diagnosed 2 weeks ago and she was going to the conference… maybe I should go… nah – still seems too scary. After discussing it with several of my close friends, I decided to suck it up and go. Worst case – I’d spend the weekend in Denver.
I booked my flight and found a roommate (or should I say roommates) on the YSC board (if the conference wasn’t scary enough, I roomed with two complete strangers: Marcela, from LA & Andrea, from Philly… fortunately, they turned out to be very nice ladies). I packed my bags and headed out to Denver.
Jen, the woman who initially inspired me to go to the conference turned out to be on the same flight as I did. We met in the airport and immediately hit it off. I know it sounds cheesy, but sharing something like a diagnosis of breast cancer has a way of bonding people. A sort of “sisterhood”, if you will… though one where your heart breaks each time you have to welcome someone new into it. With Jen, I think we probably would have been friends regardless – she’s a fantastic gal, full of energy, friendly & funny. This was nice because we could talk about things other than just *cancer*. Her boyfriend was attending the conference with her. He’s pretty alright too. As much as I had wished that I had a partner when I began this journey, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be in that person’s shoes. I suppose it is the same for any dear friend or family member… to hear the news… and feel not only fear, but also to feel helpless from the inability to control or change the situation… to battle the uncertainty and despair of not knowing what to say or do to make things better (to be honest though… even just the “I’m thinking of you’s”, the hugs, the “I love you’s”, and the “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I am hear for you’s” really do make a difference – as do the visits, the cards, the emails). Jen, Mark and I were immediately connected and I was thankful that I was not heading off to Denver alone.
We arrived in Denver and caught the shuttle to downtown. The ride from the airport to the hotel was relatively unimpressive, but as I gazed out the window, across the plain to the mountains in the distance, I thought: “I could live here…” (sorry Mom!) The conference was held at the Adam’s Mark Hotel, which is right on the pedestrian mall in downtown Denver. Walking out of the lobby put you smack dab in the middle of the action – restaurants, stores, etc… were all within a short walk (or ride on the free “Mall Shuttle”). We grabbed lunch and then headed back to the hotel to register for the conference.
At registration, they were handing out Hawaiian leis (the cheap plastic ones), which we were supposed to wear all weekend. The colors of the leis had meaning:
• White = diagnosed within the past year
• Blue/Purple/Pink = diagnosed 2-3 years ago/4-7 years ago/etc (not sure of the actual colors/time frames here)
• Orange = metastatic (the cancer has spread beyond the breast)
• Yellow = caregiver
• Blue = health care professional
There were 700+ participants at the conference, the majority of which are breast cancer survivors. The first thing you saw when you met a new person was their lei. I could not help but cringe any time I saw an orange one. My first thoughts were of sympathy and concern for that person (metastatic cancer is not yet considered “curable”, however you can live for many years with chemo keeping the cancer in check)… but they also drifted to anxiety… what color lei would I be wearing a year from now? 5 years from now? When confronted with these thoughts, I tried to focus on the fact that these women were here this weekend – they were still living and fighting and hopefully, treatment will continue to improve.
The conference ran from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. There were 3 breakout sessions (which I will describe later), as well as several plenary sessions. There were also many “networking breaks” built into the session. The first networking session broke us out by geographic region – the girls I met from the northeast became my pals for the remainder of the conference (Jen, Suellen from NJ, Heather from MD, Pam from Boston). Some of these breaks were spent wandering the Exhibit Hall (full of tables from non-profits, clothing, jewelry, pharma companies, etc)… while some were spent “networking” at the hotel bar upstairs or enjoying the sunshine and some caffeine at Starbucks, across the street… I’m not sure why I feared meeting other women who have gone through this same battle… It was nice to feel connected and know that I am not the only one who has dealt with this at such a young age. Plus, the girls were great! I like to think that I will stay friends with several of them as this experience falls further and further into the past (of course, I don’t doubt that this experience has changed me at the core and will never truly be in the past).
The Breakout Sessions:
• Food for Thought: Practical Advice on Diet and Fitness - The nutrition part of this session was interesting, though it didn’t shed any light on my most burning nutrition question (soy is a phytoestrogen or natural estrogen and the jury is still out on whether it is ok for folks with estrogen receptor + cancers, where the tumor fed on estrogen). The fitness section of this session was pretty pointless, which didn’t really surprise me. Unfortunately, the session was so packed that we had to sit on the floor. We weren’t off to an incredible start.
• Outer Strength, Inner Peace: Using Stress Management Techniques to Enhance Your Life - I debated which session to attend for the second breakout – fertility, genetic testing or this one. Since I had been to several talks about the former, I chose stress. I chose poorly. I did get a chuckle at this session though. We had gone through the “symptoms of stress checklist” and were walking through many of them, with a show of hands to people who felt they had each symptom. “Headache” – the whole room raised their hands… “Indigestion” – again, nearly everyone had their hand up… “Back tension” – the same… “Irritability”, “Bossiness” – many were still raising their hands. We then moved into behaviors… “excessive use of alcohol” – again, I raised my hand… I was the only one. WHAT!?! Earlier, we had brainstormed on ways to relieve stress (take a walk, massage, garden, etc) and “drink alcohol” came up… but nobody raised their hand for “alcohol use is a symptom of my stress”. I then looked down at the pin that I was wearing on my nametag, which I had purchased in the Exhibit Hall – it was a pink martini, where the stem of the glass was a pink ribbon (I’m not a big fan of the “in your face” pink ribbon campaign, but this was cute and not so obvious…). So here I looked like this big boozer (which we know is not the case)… it was pretty amusing. Next, we did a “relaxation exercise”, which was frustrating – it was too difficult to concentrate/relax in a room with 70 other people… and the session was feeling a bit too hokey for me. I bailed and headed to the bar… (just kidding – I headed to the session on Fertility)
• Preserving Fertility After Breast Cancer: Options and Strategies - This was a smaller session, but clearly, a topic very important to those attending. Unfortunately, the speaker didn’t gauge the audience well. She spent the first half hour talking about ways of preserving fertility before beginning treatment. The room, however, was full of women who had already gone through treatment. That ship had already sailed. The frustrating thing is that there really isn’t much that she could have told us – nobody seems to know why some women’s ovaries shut down from the chemo, how long it takes for one’s period to resume (it varies wildly), or what can be done to kick start ovarian function. While I know that I can still be a mom, regardless (there are many children out there needing love), but I can’t help but to cheer on my ovaries daily (come on girls!) and anxiously await the return of my old “friend”…
• Finding Your Way: Dating After Breast Cancer- I remember attending a YSC dinner in early December, where I met ~30 young women who had survived breast cancer. As we went around the room and introduced ourselves, I realized that I was the only single gal in the room. It then hit me. Dating was hard enough before all of this. How am I ever going to meet someone now? How do you tell a new guy this history without him bailing for fear of “emotional baggage”… or worse… When do you tell him? It’s too hard. The irony of this all, as many of you probably know, is that shortly before Christmas, the unthinkable happened. I met somebody. I guess “met” is an inaccurate term, since I’ve known Mike for nearly 10 years… but I suddenly realized that this friend of mine was a pretty terrific guy… and that the pursuit of a deeper relationship would bring personal growth and joy to my life. The best part of it was: he already knew that I had been sick. I find myself amazed at his strength – I didn’t have a choice about whether I wanted to get cancer, but he has a choice. He chose to join me in this fight… and every day, I am thankful that he has.
• Shaping the Future: Understanding Your Breast Reconstruction Options – If you’ve been following my blog, you probably know that this session alone provided the majority of my motivation to attend the conference. Because the expander + implant route didn’t/won’t work on my left side, I am faced with a tough decision about using tissue/skin/muscle from another part of my body (typically stomach or back), in order to complete reconstruction. This is something that, frankly, terrifies me. I have given up enough this past year, I really don’t want to wind up with diminished muscle functioning for a surgery that is essentially cosmetic. There are some new techniques where they take just the fat and skin (no muscle) from your stomach or butt and move it to your chest. The difference is that since they are sparing the muscle, they must sever the blood vessels and sew them into the blood vessels in your chest. This is a much longer surgery and there is a risk of the skin flap failing (thus putting you back to square one). This session was informative, but initially frustrating – the MD announced at the beginning that we should feel free to ask questions as we went through… however, suddenly, we found ourselves more than halfway through the time slot, on page 2 of his presentation and listening to him respond to women who were asking very specific questions that pertained only to their own experience (and which, he couldn’t give a great answer to without understanding their complete history). Finally, someone commented that they’d like to hear his presentation and we got back on track. Bottom line: the “free flap” procedures, while sparing muscle, leave extremely large/visible scarring on the donor site. He has had very few complications with the lat flap (where they take muscle from your back) and it sounds like this is not as scary an option as I initially believed. I’m still not sure whether I want to do the surgery this spring or wait until next winter, but I am leaning towards the lat flap procedure…
Outside of the planned sessions, I managed to have a great time too! On Saturday night, Jen, Mark and I skipped the PJ Party at the hotel and hit a piano bar called Sing Sing, which was a blast! We got there too late to get a seat, which worked out fine, since everyone was on their feet dancing all night long… if you are ever in Denver (or Pittsburgh, where they also have one), I totally recommend it!
On Sunday, Kara (a Rutgers alum who lived in NJ until relocating to CO a few years ago) came and picked me up after the conference ended. I got to see her house, downtown Boulder and some great views from Flagstaff Mtn. I am really glad that I got out of downtown Denver to see more of the area – it was gorgeous! Plus, it was great to hang out with Kara & Stu – people who you can go for years without seeing and then spend a day with, like you are old neighbors.
On Monday, I hung out with Suellen and her friends who live in Denver. We did some shopping, including the Title 9 store, REI, Patagonia (troubles!) and had lunch… Suellen was heading back on a 5pm flight and mine wasn’t until nearly midnight, so they dropped me off at the park in front of the capitol building, where I hung out on a bench, reading and talking on the phone. While I was lying there, an SUV with tinted windows rolled up and gave me a “verbal warning” for sleeping in the park (apparently, you are only allowed to sleep in the other side of the park, which I had walked through and found to be quite scary…). So, I wasn’t sleeping, but I was lying down and I did have several shopping bags with me… kind of funny. The guy left with a stern warning “just make sure you don’t fall asleep here!” Once night fell, I found it difficult to kill time, but I did go get a manicure, check out the souvenir shops and eat a Cajun dinner before catching the shuttle back to the airport. I am definitely glad that I stayed the extra day to check out the scene.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
OH YES IT'S LADIES NIGHT...
posted Tuesday, 21 February 2006
Nancy and I had been planning a trip to "someplace warm" for the end of February. It was intended to be a celebration of the end of all my surgeries... Unfortunately, the complications I experienced in early Feb left me a bit skittish and thinking that a trip to a 3rd world country was probably not prudent at this time. So, we planned to wait for the e-savers to come out and take a spur-of-the-moment trip somewhere.
Thursday, the e-savers went out and we checked the weather report.... apparently, this weekend's weather everywhere stinks! In TX, it wsa 80 degrees on Friday and 40 degrees + raining all weekend... CA was similar.... so rather than spend money to fly somewhere with horrible weather, we figured we'd drive somewhere nearby. Of course, we hadn't considered that it was President's Day Weekend, so everything in the NE (VT, etc) was not only expensive... it was sold out.
Enter Bonny. Bonny found herself with a few days off from work and though of Mrs Duncan (mother of her best friend from high school, who owned a condo in Rehoboth Beach, DE). She rented us her beach-front condo and we loaded up the Rav 4 and took off for DE. We arrived on Sunday, did some grocery shopping and tapped into the 3 bottles of wine that we had brought. Around 7:30pm, we strolled down the boardwalk to Grotto's pizza and ordered some dinner. After a quick stop at the candy shop (for fudge), we headed back to the condo for an evening of singing, olympics, and CPR training on the blue lobster (ask Nancy for details!)
Monday was spent hitting the sales at the outlets... serious damage was done... good thing Bonny received excellent news about a new job and was able to spend without feeling badly (Nancy and I had little excuse for our lack of restraint). Monday night we had dinner out at a cute little restaurant.
Tuesday was met with another quick jaunt at the outlets before hitting the road.
Trips like this make me so thankful for my girlfriends. Growing up, I didn't have many (really only Katie & Tracy). I tended to run with the boys... playing sports, catching craw-dads and such... but over the past 10 years, I've realized that even tom-boys can have girlfriends... there are lots of girls out there who aren't "girly"... they are down to earth and totally real... and it's times like this (and the past 6 months) that I realize just how lucky I am to have my girls by my side.
Nancy and I had been planning a trip to "someplace warm" for the end of February. It was intended to be a celebration of the end of all my surgeries... Unfortunately, the complications I experienced in early Feb left me a bit skittish and thinking that a trip to a 3rd world country was probably not prudent at this time. So, we planned to wait for the e-savers to come out and take a spur-of-the-moment trip somewhere.
Thursday, the e-savers went out and we checked the weather report.... apparently, this weekend's weather everywhere stinks! In TX, it wsa 80 degrees on Friday and 40 degrees + raining all weekend... CA was similar.... so rather than spend money to fly somewhere with horrible weather, we figured we'd drive somewhere nearby. Of course, we hadn't considered that it was President's Day Weekend, so everything in the NE (VT, etc) was not only expensive... it was sold out.
Enter Bonny. Bonny found herself with a few days off from work and though of Mrs Duncan (mother of her best friend from high school, who owned a condo in Rehoboth Beach, DE). She rented us her beach-front condo and we loaded up the Rav 4 and took off for DE. We arrived on Sunday, did some grocery shopping and tapped into the 3 bottles of wine that we had brought. Around 7:30pm, we strolled down the boardwalk to Grotto's pizza and ordered some dinner. After a quick stop at the candy shop (for fudge), we headed back to the condo for an evening of singing, olympics, and CPR training on the blue lobster (ask Nancy for details!)
Monday was spent hitting the sales at the outlets... serious damage was done... good thing Bonny received excellent news about a new job and was able to spend without feeling badly (Nancy and I had little excuse for our lack of restraint). Monday night we had dinner out at a cute little restaurant.
Tuesday was met with another quick jaunt at the outlets before hitting the road.
Trips like this make me so thankful for my girlfriends. Growing up, I didn't have many (really only Katie & Tracy). I tended to run with the boys... playing sports, catching craw-dads and such... but over the past 10 years, I've realized that even tom-boys can have girlfriends... there are lots of girls out there who aren't "girly"... they are down to earth and totally real... and it's times like this (and the past 6 months) that I realize just how lucky I am to have my girls by my side.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Ithaca is GORGES
posted Friday, 17 February 2006
Things worked out really well for once, as ZS was doing interviews this week at Cornell. Lucky for me, I have a new "friend" at Cornell who I would be more than happy to spend some time with. So, my first trip to Ithaca was scheduled and I was going to do some work while I was at it.
I drove up on Friday night, after dropping Otis off at his "dad's" house... I'll miss that little boy, but he'll have lots of fun playing with Phinny! I hit a pretty decent snow just north of Binghamton, giving my new SUV it's first test. The dealer told me that people call the Rav4 the "snow killer"... I'm not sure that I really collected enough information to either confirm or deny that claim, but it's funny to think about.
On Saturday, we played poker with Mike's friends (all grad students)... as it whittled down to just a few remaining participants (including moi), a friend of Mike's realized that I was the only one with a real job and I was poised to win all of their money. His prediction was right and I walked away from the event $40 richer... boo ya.
Sunday we went out and hiked a little ways up the gorge at Cornell. It was beautiful - all frozen (for some reason, I am feeling rather un-photogenic these days... and, of course,I forgot to charge my camera, so I only wound up with mediocre photos) and it felt sooo good to be outside and acting like a normal gal. Sure, I was out of shape, but I was doing more than sitting on the couch, so that's a victory in my book.
Tuesday night, I gave a presentation to about 30 students interested in working at ZS. Again, it felt good to feel "normal" again. We interviewed 14 students on Wednesday for the Operations Research Analyst position. What a long day! I couldn't believe how tired I was! As excited as I am to get back to normal life, I think it is going to be quite a shock to actually do it! I think I may still try to go back to work on March 1, but I am definitely going to try to ease into it... after these two days recruiting at Cornell, I know that my body is still a bit worn down.
I went to the Cornell bookstore and had an interesting encounter. This young girl who was working at the bookstore commented on "how healthy my hair was"... I thanked her and she made another comment, so I volunteered the information that I had just finished chemo, so my hair had never been damaged by sun or chemicals. She told me that she could tell - she had been through chemo a few years ago - and she recognized my "victory hair" I beamed. We connected and wished each other well. What a great thought - I am victorious. All this while, I was thinking that the finish line was near.... but in reality, I've crossed the finish line... everything that is left is just the victory lap... and cleaning up after the race.
I drove up on Friday night, after dropping Otis off at his "dad's" house... I'll miss that little boy, but he'll have lots of fun playing with Phinny! I hit a pretty decent snow just north of Binghamton, giving my new SUV it's first test. The dealer told me that people call the Rav4 the "snow killer"... I'm not sure that I really collected enough information to either confirm or deny that claim, but it's funny to think about.
On Saturday, we played poker with Mike's friends (all grad students)... as it whittled down to just a few remaining participants (including moi), a friend of Mike's realized that I was the only one with a real job and I was poised to win all of their money. His prediction was right and I walked away from the event $40 richer... boo ya.
Sunday we went out and hiked a little ways up the gorge at Cornell. It was beautiful - all frozen (for some reason, I am feeling rather un-photogenic these days... and, of course,I forgot to charge my camera, so I only wound up with mediocre photos) and it felt sooo good to be outside and acting like a normal gal. Sure, I was out of shape, but I was doing more than sitting on the couch, so that's a victory in my book.
Tuesday night, I gave a presentation to about 30 students interested in working at ZS. Again, it felt good to feel "normal" again. We interviewed 14 students on Wednesday for the Operations Research Analyst position. What a long day! I couldn't believe how tired I was! As excited as I am to get back to normal life, I think it is going to be quite a shock to actually do it! I think I may still try to go back to work on March 1, but I am definitely going to try to ease into it... after these two days recruiting at Cornell, I know that my body is still a bit worn down.
I went to the Cornell bookstore and had an interesting encounter. This young girl who was working at the bookstore commented on "how healthy my hair was"... I thanked her and she made another comment, so I volunteered the information that I had just finished chemo, so my hair had never been damaged by sun or chemicals. She told me that she could tell - she had been through chemo a few years ago - and she recognized my "victory hair" I beamed. We connected and wished each other well. What a great thought - I am victorious. All this while, I was thinking that the finish line was near.... but in reality, I've crossed the finish line... everything that is left is just the victory lap... and cleaning up after the race.
Comments:
1. susie left...
Friday, 24 February 2006 2:11 pm
Ooh--this blog entry made me feel so happy! i love it linda!!!
Sunday, February 5, 2006
SUPER SUNDAY
posted Sunday, 5 February 2006
Have I mentioned that I have the best friends a girl could ask for? Well, I do.
I was kind of bumming about the latest surgery. Though I was feeling well, I wasn't really out and about. Last year, I watched the Super Bowl at Robin's & then Susie & Jaeger's... both of whom have moved away. :( I'm not a huge football fan, but I do like the company, the commercials & of course, the grid pool!
And then this email came out.....
hey all,
in light of recent events and in an attempt to be sure that none of us is excluded from superbowl festivities because of sucky infections, we're gonna bring the superbowl party to linda's crib. bring food, drink and/or a commitment to clean-up afterward. or just bring yourself, whatever you're capable of. I'm bringing chili. we could really use some appetizers and non-alcoholic beverages. If you could please "respond to all" either way to avoid gaps or overlaps. last minute responses (better than no response at all) can be accomplished by calling or texting me. we'll set up a grid with superbowl boxes for $1 or $2 a box. please, in the spirit of spontaneity, friendship, and support, consider being there for this gathering. it'll be a lot more than just another superbowl party.
peace,
mj
And that is what friendship is all about. 12 people made the party -- mike v, rowley, ari, jackson x2, rebecca, biddle, keith, blo, vlad, soda & his lady (sorry I can't remember her name). We ate like royalty (aro's homemade salsa & guac, keith's famous taco dip, mj's magical chili, rebecca's bodacious brownies, pizza, blo's ton of tater tots, vlad's brocco-delite & mango sundae surpise and much much more). People stayed to clean (Vlad even ran the vacuum cleaner) and I didn't have to lift a finger.
I didn't get lucky in the grid pool (congrats to ??, vlad, mike v, and biddle for their winnings), but I felt like a very lucky girl to be surrounded by such good friends.
(Photo to come)
Have I mentioned that I have the best friends a girl could ask for? Well, I do.
I was kind of bumming about the latest surgery. Though I was feeling well, I wasn't really out and about. Last year, I watched the Super Bowl at Robin's & then Susie & Jaeger's... both of whom have moved away. :( I'm not a huge football fan, but I do like the company, the commercials & of course, the grid pool!
And then this email came out.....
hey all,
in light of recent events and in an attempt to be sure that none of us is excluded from superbowl festivities because of sucky infections, we're gonna bring the superbowl party to linda's crib. bring food, drink and/or a commitment to clean-up afterward. or just bring yourself, whatever you're capable of. I'm bringing chili. we could really use some appetizers and non-alcoholic beverages. If you could please "respond to all" either way to avoid gaps or overlaps. last minute responses (better than no response at all) can be accomplished by calling or texting me. we'll set up a grid with superbowl boxes for $1 or $2 a box. please, in the spirit of spontaneity, friendship, and support, consider being there for this gathering. it'll be a lot more than just another superbowl party.
peace,
mj
And that is what friendship is all about. 12 people made the party -- mike v, rowley, ari, jackson x2, rebecca, biddle, keith, blo, vlad, soda & his lady (sorry I can't remember her name). We ate like royalty (aro's homemade salsa & guac, keith's famous taco dip, mj's magical chili, rebecca's bodacious brownies, pizza, blo's ton of tater tots, vlad's brocco-delite & mango sundae surpise and much much more). People stayed to clean (Vlad even ran the vacuum cleaner) and I didn't have to lift a finger.
I didn't get lucky in the grid pool (congrats to ??, vlad, mike v, and biddle for their winnings), but I felt like a very lucky girl to be surrounded by such good friends.
(Photo to come)
Friday, February 3, 2006
DID I REALLY JUST HAVE SURGERY?
posted Friday, 3 February 2006
Surgery yesterday went much better than expected. I actually woke up feeling better than I felt before the surgery... no pain... no nausea.
I arrived at Robert Wood Johnson at 7am (I had to get up at 5:30am, which is by far, the earliest I've woken up in many months). I was experiencing a bit more pain in the left side than I had been, which made me thankful that we were going in to check things out. Check-in was a breeze - I registered, got changed and climbed into bed at Pre-op Station #7. This was a much busier hospital than Princeton, but they were still very nice/friendly. The nurse got ready to start my IV, and I found myself fully reclined, with my arm hanging down over the bed, trying to find a vein to use... it isn't getting any easier... but she did a fairly good job and got a return with just a few jabs. Once I was all set, Mike was allowed to come back and wait with me until it was time for the surgery.
The anesthesiologist stopped by and I made sure to emphasize my history with anesthesia... he promised to try and get me through this without feeling sick on the other side. Sounds good to me! Another half hour or so later, he came back to take me into the OR. He gave me a beautiful paper hat to put on (which he told me was part of the new spring line for versace... but when I told him that I would keep the hat forever, he said he hadn't told me "which" Versace... Pablo Versace... it made me laugh). We got into the OR, where there were 6 or 7 people in there waiting. I slid over onto the table and prepared to be strapped down. The anesth. continued talking to me, which was a nice distraction from the folks preparing to slice me open. He gave me a shot of fast-acting valium... which definitely took the edge off (and made the room spin a little bit... not in a bad way though...) Dr Borah was running late, so we sat there for a good 10-15 minutes before they put me to sleep. Just long enough for me to:
• Find out that the anesth. was married to a woman from Belaruse, but he had never met her family -- she had applied for assylum in the US, so she can not return home
• Share stories about all the places I've travelled recently (in the past few years) - Jamaica, Cancun, Grand Canyon, etc
• Discuss the pleasantries of upstate NY - I am from Rochester, he went to undergrad at SUNY Buffalo, I went to school in Albany...
• Call the anesth a dork (he was excited to finish his last year of residency so that he could spend more time on things he enjoys... like playing chess)
• Convince him that "dork" really was a compliment in my book
• Explain the ins and outs of ultimate frisbee -- and all about Wicked
• Invite him out to play in a pickup ultimate frisbee game held on Saturdays at Buccleuch Park (which is right around the corner from the hospital)
The last thing I remember is seeing the clock -- just past 9... and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room, just before 11am. I felt groggy... but no pain... In fact, I felt remarkably well - I was wrapped in blankets (which reminded me of when Vanita had to "swaddle" her baby, Tara, in blankets, wrapping her arms in close to her body, to keep her still enough to sleep and prevent her from flailing and waking herself up), which were heavy and warm. They had even wrapped a blanket up around my head, so I was in a full "coccoon" from head to foot. The nurse came over to "check my drain".... GRRRR.... I couldn't believe that they had put another drain in! The anesthesiologist stopped by to check on me and said "maybe I'll see you out at Buccleuch!". Somebody else came by to check on me (not sure who) and I asked them what they had done. She explained that they had to remove the expander on the left (which is why the drain was needed - the human body doesn't like random voids in it and tends to fill these voids with fluid). They also "cleaned up" the right side, which had a spot that was looking like it might open up too. They did not have to remove the expander there.
By 11:30, I was eating ice chips and sitting up slightly. They moved me over into the 2nd stage post-op recovery area, where they gave me some cranberry juice and let Mike come back to see me. A nurse came by to take my vitals. She then helped me up for a quick walk (hobble) over to the ladies room (in order to go home, you have to drink & pee... according to the nurse). I passed the test and they brought me back to the next station over, where there was an armchair (as opposed to a hospital bed). I sat for a while, drinking my juice. The nurse came back and took out my IV so I could get dressed. She then gave me my discharge instructions (it always makes me laugh that they make you sign a paper that says that you are not allowed to sign any legal documents for 24 hours...) As I was leaving (at around 12:30pm), she gave me a flower, which was really sweet (even though it was Jessica T's least favorite flower in the world!). They wheeled me out and Mike took me home.
I was a little bit tired, but didn't have any pain -- I didn't even take a tylenol! I took a brief nap and by the time I woke up, mom was here. We watched tv for a while and I ate some mac & cheese. Yum. The three of us laid pretty low, but if you didn't know it, you would have been surprised that I had just had surgery that morning. Perhaps it was lingering effect of the anesthesia, but besides being a little bit tired, I felt pretty ok.
While I feel ok physically, I am a little bit disappointed with the results of the surgery... it turns out that I don't really have enough skin left on the left side to go through the "expansion". I believe that in order to do the reconstruction, I may need to have a "latissimus dorsal flap", which is a procedure where they take skin & muscle from your back and tunnel it around to the front to use for the reconstruction... sounds a bit scary, so I am not going to think too much about it until my follow-up appt next week.
Surgery yesterday went much better than expected. I actually woke up feeling better than I felt before the surgery... no pain... no nausea.
I arrived at Robert Wood Johnson at 7am (I had to get up at 5:30am, which is by far, the earliest I've woken up in many months). I was experiencing a bit more pain in the left side than I had been, which made me thankful that we were going in to check things out. Check-in was a breeze - I registered, got changed and climbed into bed at Pre-op Station #7. This was a much busier hospital than Princeton, but they were still very nice/friendly. The nurse got ready to start my IV, and I found myself fully reclined, with my arm hanging down over the bed, trying to find a vein to use... it isn't getting any easier... but she did a fairly good job and got a return with just a few jabs. Once I was all set, Mike was allowed to come back and wait with me until it was time for the surgery.
The anesthesiologist stopped by and I made sure to emphasize my history with anesthesia... he promised to try and get me through this without feeling sick on the other side. Sounds good to me! Another half hour or so later, he came back to take me into the OR. He gave me a beautiful paper hat to put on (which he told me was part of the new spring line for versace... but when I told him that I would keep the hat forever, he said he hadn't told me "which" Versace... Pablo Versace... it made me laugh). We got into the OR, where there were 6 or 7 people in there waiting. I slid over onto the table and prepared to be strapped down. The anesth. continued talking to me, which was a nice distraction from the folks preparing to slice me open. He gave me a shot of fast-acting valium... which definitely took the edge off (and made the room spin a little bit... not in a bad way though...) Dr Borah was running late, so we sat there for a good 10-15 minutes before they put me to sleep. Just long enough for me to:
• Find out that the anesth. was married to a woman from Belaruse, but he had never met her family -- she had applied for assylum in the US, so she can not return home
• Share stories about all the places I've travelled recently (in the past few years) - Jamaica, Cancun, Grand Canyon, etc
• Discuss the pleasantries of upstate NY - I am from Rochester, he went to undergrad at SUNY Buffalo, I went to school in Albany...
• Call the anesth a dork (he was excited to finish his last year of residency so that he could spend more time on things he enjoys... like playing chess)
• Convince him that "dork" really was a compliment in my book
• Explain the ins and outs of ultimate frisbee -- and all about Wicked
• Invite him out to play in a pickup ultimate frisbee game held on Saturdays at Buccleuch Park (which is right around the corner from the hospital)
The last thing I remember is seeing the clock -- just past 9... and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room, just before 11am. I felt groggy... but no pain... In fact, I felt remarkably well - I was wrapped in blankets (which reminded me of when Vanita had to "swaddle" her baby, Tara, in blankets, wrapping her arms in close to her body, to keep her still enough to sleep and prevent her from flailing and waking herself up), which were heavy and warm. They had even wrapped a blanket up around my head, so I was in a full "coccoon" from head to foot. The nurse came over to "check my drain".... GRRRR.... I couldn't believe that they had put another drain in! The anesthesiologist stopped by to check on me and said "maybe I'll see you out at Buccleuch!". Somebody else came by to check on me (not sure who) and I asked them what they had done. She explained that they had to remove the expander on the left (which is why the drain was needed - the human body doesn't like random voids in it and tends to fill these voids with fluid). They also "cleaned up" the right side, which had a spot that was looking like it might open up too. They did not have to remove the expander there.
By 11:30, I was eating ice chips and sitting up slightly. They moved me over into the 2nd stage post-op recovery area, where they gave me some cranberry juice and let Mike come back to see me. A nurse came by to take my vitals. She then helped me up for a quick walk (hobble) over to the ladies room (in order to go home, you have to drink & pee... according to the nurse). I passed the test and they brought me back to the next station over, where there was an armchair (as opposed to a hospital bed). I sat for a while, drinking my juice. The nurse came back and took out my IV so I could get dressed. She then gave me my discharge instructions (it always makes me laugh that they make you sign a paper that says that you are not allowed to sign any legal documents for 24 hours...) As I was leaving (at around 12:30pm), she gave me a flower, which was really sweet (even though it was Jessica T's least favorite flower in the world!). They wheeled me out and Mike took me home.
I was a little bit tired, but didn't have any pain -- I didn't even take a tylenol! I took a brief nap and by the time I woke up, mom was here. We watched tv for a while and I ate some mac & cheese. Yum. The three of us laid pretty low, but if you didn't know it, you would have been surprised that I had just had surgery that morning. Perhaps it was lingering effect of the anesthesia, but besides being a little bit tired, I felt pretty ok.
While I feel ok physically, I am a little bit disappointed with the results of the surgery... it turns out that I don't really have enough skin left on the left side to go through the "expansion". I believe that in order to do the reconstruction, I may need to have a "latissimus dorsal flap", which is a procedure where they take skin & muscle from your back and tunnel it around to the front to use for the reconstruction... sounds a bit scary, so I am not going to think too much about it until my follow-up appt next week.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
NEWS (NOT SO EXCITING)...
posted Tuesday, 31 January 2006
Yesterday morning, as I was eating breakfast, the incision in my left breast pulled open, leaving an open "hole" (and creating quite a "leak"... I suppose that since Abby was not visiting at the time, it counters my hypothesis of a correlation between her visits and these uncomfortable complications!) I called Dr Borah and went in to see him today.
Figuring that he would just put in a few stiches and send me on my way, I stopped first at ZS and had lunch with my project team (that I would be working with upon my planned return to work on March 1). It was a nice lunch and it was good to catch up with old teammates and meet new ones. I then headed up to New Brunswick to see Dr Borah.
He gave me the unfortunate news that I would need to go back into the OR for more surgery, as I now basically had an open wound and that would compromise my healing. Since the expander implants are a foreign body, infections are particularly dangerous and will not heal. He wanted to schedule it for tomorrow, but there were no openings until Thursday morning.
While this isn't "normal", it isn't unheard of. During the mastectomy, a number of blood vessels are severed. The only ones left behind are the ones that go through the whole length of the thin flap of skin that is left (since the tissue underneath is gone). The vessels can barely make it to the ends of the flap, making healing difficult (with an inadequate blood supply).
My surgery will be Thursday morning at 8:30 am at Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick. I realized after I left the dr's that I have no idea how to get there... guess I'll need to call tomorrow for directions. I need to be there 2 hours early, so I guess I'll be leaving home between 5 & 5:30am on Thursday... at least I'll just be sleeping all day!
I was hoping that this wouldn't involve "general anesthesia" as I've had bad experiences both times with it (In the "vomit wars", anesthesia is beating chemo 2 to 1). Dr Borah said "I didn't want to be awake for this". Oh well - it was worth a shot! It will be an outpatient procedure, so I will be home sometime Thursday pm. Mike was planning on visiting again this weekend and was able to take off from work early, so he will be here to take me for my surgery. Mom will likely come out Thursday/Friday to make mac & cheese and soft boiled eggs (comfort foods from my childhood) and just be a mom.
Keep your fingers crossed for me... and your toes...
Yesterday morning, as I was eating breakfast, the incision in my left breast pulled open, leaving an open "hole" (and creating quite a "leak"... I suppose that since Abby was not visiting at the time, it counters my hypothesis of a correlation between her visits and these uncomfortable complications!) I called Dr Borah and went in to see him today.
Figuring that he would just put in a few stiches and send me on my way, I stopped first at ZS and had lunch with my project team (that I would be working with upon my planned return to work on March 1). It was a nice lunch and it was good to catch up with old teammates and meet new ones. I then headed up to New Brunswick to see Dr Borah.
He gave me the unfortunate news that I would need to go back into the OR for more surgery, as I now basically had an open wound and that would compromise my healing. Since the expander implants are a foreign body, infections are particularly dangerous and will not heal. He wanted to schedule it for tomorrow, but there were no openings until Thursday morning.
While this isn't "normal", it isn't unheard of. During the mastectomy, a number of blood vessels are severed. The only ones left behind are the ones that go through the whole length of the thin flap of skin that is left (since the tissue underneath is gone). The vessels can barely make it to the ends of the flap, making healing difficult (with an inadequate blood supply).
My surgery will be Thursday morning at 8:30 am at Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick. I realized after I left the dr's that I have no idea how to get there... guess I'll need to call tomorrow for directions. I need to be there 2 hours early, so I guess I'll be leaving home between 5 & 5:30am on Thursday... at least I'll just be sleeping all day!
I was hoping that this wouldn't involve "general anesthesia" as I've had bad experiences both times with it (In the "vomit wars", anesthesia is beating chemo 2 to 1). Dr Borah said "I didn't want to be awake for this". Oh well - it was worth a shot! It will be an outpatient procedure, so I will be home sometime Thursday pm. Mike was planning on visiting again this weekend and was able to take off from work early, so he will be here to take me for my surgery. Mom will likely come out Thursday/Friday to make mac & cheese and soft boiled eggs (comfort foods from my childhood) and just be a mom.
Keep your fingers crossed for me... and your toes...
Monday, January 30, 2006
ALL THE GORY DETAILS
posted Monday, 30 January 2006
So here's all the gory details... for those of you who like to see the scars and know all the facts... I know some of you would rather not hear all the details, so I've listed them in a separate blog entry and you can take it or leave it!
My surgery on Jan 4 consisted of two parts: bilateral total mastectomy + reconstruction (tissue expanders).
First, Dr Dultz performed the bilateral total mastectomy. The goal here is to remove all the breast tissue from both breasts (however, we can never be sure that we've gotten it all). The breast tissue runs all the way from the collarbone, down to the edge of the ribs and from the breastbone to the muscle in the back of the armpit. As I was having immediate reconstruction, they tried to remove as little skin as possible.
Once this was complete, Dr Borah came in to place the tissue expanders. These are hollow, empty sacks, like deflated beach balls that are put behind the pec muscle. He then sewed the flaps of skin closed. The expanders have a small tube and valve on them. Once the incisions heal, the Dr will gradually inject saline into them, stretching out the skin and muscle, until I have the perfect rack (not sure what that looks like quite yet). Once that is done, they will wait a few months and I will have an "exchange surgery" to swap out the expanders for permanent saline implants. This surgery is outpatient and relatively minor, compared to this one. Several months later, he will do the nipple reconstruction and tattoo-ing (Mom - I swear that's the only tattoo I will have!)
Because the right breast had not been operated on previously, they were actually able to fill the expander with some saline, leaving a small, lumpy, unattractive breast mound. The left breast, which had already been half-way removed during my surgeries last summer, looks like a squished hamburger patty, with a lumpy, deflated beach ball in it. I have a scar on each breast, running horizontally across the breast -- 4 inches on the left side and 3 inches on the right. I feel like I look like an alien (not sure why I think aliens look this way), but I know that this is temporary and a process and I can't have overnight results. So, I'll try to be patient and see how it goes...
So here's all the gory details... for those of you who like to see the scars and know all the facts... I know some of you would rather not hear all the details, so I've listed them in a separate blog entry and you can take it or leave it!
My surgery on Jan 4 consisted of two parts: bilateral total mastectomy + reconstruction (tissue expanders).
First, Dr Dultz performed the bilateral total mastectomy. The goal here is to remove all the breast tissue from both breasts (however, we can never be sure that we've gotten it all). The breast tissue runs all the way from the collarbone, down to the edge of the ribs and from the breastbone to the muscle in the back of the armpit. As I was having immediate reconstruction, they tried to remove as little skin as possible.
Once this was complete, Dr Borah came in to place the tissue expanders. These are hollow, empty sacks, like deflated beach balls that are put behind the pec muscle. He then sewed the flaps of skin closed. The expanders have a small tube and valve on them. Once the incisions heal, the Dr will gradually inject saline into them, stretching out the skin and muscle, until I have the perfect rack (not sure what that looks like quite yet). Once that is done, they will wait a few months and I will have an "exchange surgery" to swap out the expanders for permanent saline implants. This surgery is outpatient and relatively minor, compared to this one. Several months later, he will do the nipple reconstruction and tattoo-ing (Mom - I swear that's the only tattoo I will have!)
Because the right breast had not been operated on previously, they were actually able to fill the expander with some saline, leaving a small, lumpy, unattractive breast mound. The left breast, which had already been half-way removed during my surgeries last summer, looks like a squished hamburger patty, with a lumpy, deflated beach ball in it. I have a scar on each breast, running horizontally across the breast -- 4 inches on the left side and 3 inches on the right. I feel like I look like an alien (not sure why I think aliens look this way), but I know that this is temporary and a process and I can't have overnight results. So, I'll try to be patient and see how it goes...
Sunday, January 29, 2006
NEWS (EXCITING, I SUPPOSE...)
posted Sunday, 29 January 2006
I almost forgot the biggest news of all... when I went in to have my drains pulled with Dr Dultz, she gave me the pathology reports from my mastectomies. Both breasts came back clear - no remaining cancer was found so I am officially "cancer free". There was some "fibrous tissue" in my right breast (the healthy breast), but no cancer or pre-cancerous cells.
In retrospect, my reaction to this news is kind of funny. One would think that I would rejoice and celebrate... but to me, it is just another piece of information in this whole puzzle. One would think that I would have posted it immediately to everyone and start making phone calls... but I didn't even think to tell my closest friends immediately. Perhaps my mind is just so overloaded with all the information it has had to process and it's lagging behind a bit... maybe one day, maybe a few weeks from now, I will just wake up... and my brain will have caught up with things... and I will fall to my knees, relieved and thankful that this leg of the journey really is over. For now, I just figured you all might like to know.
I almost forgot the biggest news of all... when I went in to have my drains pulled with Dr Dultz, she gave me the pathology reports from my mastectomies. Both breasts came back clear - no remaining cancer was found so I am officially "cancer free". There was some "fibrous tissue" in my right breast (the healthy breast), but no cancer or pre-cancerous cells.
In retrospect, my reaction to this news is kind of funny. One would think that I would rejoice and celebrate... but to me, it is just another piece of information in this whole puzzle. One would think that I would have posted it immediately to everyone and start making phone calls... but I didn't even think to tell my closest friends immediately. Perhaps my mind is just so overloaded with all the information it has had to process and it's lagging behind a bit... maybe one day, maybe a few weeks from now, I will just wake up... and my brain will have caught up with things... and I will fall to my knees, relieved and thankful that this leg of the journey really is over. For now, I just figured you all might like to know.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
PEACH FUZZ
posted Saturday, 28 January 2006
Ok - so there have been some requests to see what the hair looks like these days... Here you go! LC
Ok - so there have been some requests to see what the hair looks like these days... Here you go! LC
Saturday, January 21, 2006
PCG'S ROCK!
posted Saturday, 21 January 2006
Again, I under-estimated just how tough surgery would be. Chemo was way easier than I had built up in my mind... but surgery was (yet again) way tougher.
Annette warned me that it was a week before she could lift a jug of milk... Bleh! I figured I'd be up and about quicker than that. I was wrong.
When I got home from the hospital (and for the first week), I was surprised that:
• I couldn't open the sliding glass door to let Otis out into the backyard
• A glass cup filled with juice was too heavy to life -- I needed to use plastic
• I couldn't tilt the glass back to drink -- I had to use bendy straws
• I couldn't put on a button down pajama top without help
• I slept more than I was awake... however, sleep never lasted for more than a few hours before I woke in pain
• Percocet really does help... some
• I certainly couldn't lift a jug of milk!
• Surgical bras may "keep stuff all in place"... but they are not comfortable
I was blessed by the fact that I had friends here 24/7 for three weeks after I got home from the hospital. 24/7. I don't know how I would have managed without them. Whether you stopped by to visit... or stayed for a while as my "primary care-giver (PCG)", it was appreciated. Visitors helped me to forget that I had been sitting on the couch for 15, 16, 17... days in a row, without doing anything... my PCG's were amazing. They kept me hydrated, fed me, wiped down my back and arms with "spa moisture cleansing cloths" while I was unable to bathe, and plumped my pillows to create a "cocoon", enabling me to get comfortable for a few hours. They documented my medicine intake (I was taking 6 different meds for those first few days)... someone even made an Excel tool to document and plot the drainage rates from each of my drains (I love dorks!) People brought me jammies and coloring books and flowers and sudoku puzzles. They cooked me meals, cleaned my house, did my laundry, washed the dishes and walked my dog. I am so grateful for the outpouring of support that I got from my friends over the past three weeks.
I am finally up and about. I can pour the juice and even make coffee and cereal!
Special thanks to my PCG's for putting up with me and camping out at my house for a while -- your sacrifice and dedication to me will not be forgotten and means alot to me:
• Bonny
• Mike
• Nancy
• Abby
• Sara G
• Mom
And to my other friends and visitors:
• Vanita
• Annette
• Charlene & Jeremy
• Heaton
• Suzannah
• Jenny
• Gwen & Lila
• Beth & Terry
• Julie
• Catie
• Biddle & Coyne
• Susan & Brian
• Ken
• Rich
• Jess, Abby & Upma
• Everyone who sent cards, emails & called to see how I was doing
• anybody I might be forgetting (sorry!)
Again, I under-estimated just how tough surgery would be. Chemo was way easier than I had built up in my mind... but surgery was (yet again) way tougher.
Annette warned me that it was a week before she could lift a jug of milk... Bleh! I figured I'd be up and about quicker than that. I was wrong.
When I got home from the hospital (and for the first week), I was surprised that:
• I couldn't open the sliding glass door to let Otis out into the backyard
• A glass cup filled with juice was too heavy to life -- I needed to use plastic
• I couldn't tilt the glass back to drink -- I had to use bendy straws
• I couldn't put on a button down pajama top without help
• I slept more than I was awake... however, sleep never lasted for more than a few hours before I woke in pain
• Percocet really does help... some
• I certainly couldn't lift a jug of milk!
• Surgical bras may "keep stuff all in place"... but they are not comfortable
I was blessed by the fact that I had friends here 24/7 for three weeks after I got home from the hospital. 24/7. I don't know how I would have managed without them. Whether you stopped by to visit... or stayed for a while as my "primary care-giver (PCG)", it was appreciated. Visitors helped me to forget that I had been sitting on the couch for 15, 16, 17... days in a row, without doing anything... my PCG's were amazing. They kept me hydrated, fed me, wiped down my back and arms with "spa moisture cleansing cloths" while I was unable to bathe, and plumped my pillows to create a "cocoon", enabling me to get comfortable for a few hours. They documented my medicine intake (I was taking 6 different meds for those first few days)... someone even made an Excel tool to document and plot the drainage rates from each of my drains (I love dorks!) People brought me jammies and coloring books and flowers and sudoku puzzles. They cooked me meals, cleaned my house, did my laundry, washed the dishes and walked my dog. I am so grateful for the outpouring of support that I got from my friends over the past three weeks.
I am finally up and about. I can pour the juice and even make coffee and cereal!
Special thanks to my PCG's for putting up with me and camping out at my house for a while -- your sacrifice and dedication to me will not be forgotten and means alot to me:
• Bonny
• Mike
• Nancy
• Abby
• Sara G
• Mom
And to my other friends and visitors:
• Vanita
• Annette
• Charlene & Jeremy
• Heaton
• Suzannah
• Jenny
• Gwen & Lila
• Beth & Terry
• Julie
• Catie
• Biddle & Coyne
• Susan & Brian
• Ken
• Rich
• Jess, Abby & Upma
• Everyone who sent cards, emails & called to see how I was doing
• anybody I might be forgetting (sorry!)
Sunday, January 15, 2006
LEAKY DRAIN
posted Sunday, 15 January 2006
Almost every time Abby comes to visit, I start to "leak"... weird... but true! When she was here in September, we got ready to go for a run (I call it a "run", but it is better described as an embarassingly slow 1 mile "shuffle") and I noticed that there was fluid leaking from my incision... despite several attempts to close it up, my body wasn't healing right (due to the chemo) and I spent the next 4 months covering myself with gauze every day, to keep clean and protect my clothes. What a pain! At least the surgery earlier this month put an end to that problem! Anyways, Abby came back down this weekend to help me out (her other two visits were wonderful, as they found me in relatively good health, and we got to play... this visit really was more to take care of me... for which I am really thankful).
Oddly enough, on Thursday night, I began to notice some wetness in my right armpit, where the drain was inserted. I brushed it off, thinking it was sweat. Friday morning, I got up and got changed (I would say "got dressed", but at this point, I was still living 24/7 in pajamas with button down tops). Within half an hour, my armpit was soaked. Dr Borah, my plastic surgeon is in charge of my post-op care, so I called his office. He was out, so they paged the on-call dr. He told me that the drains were likely getting blocked, as blood coagulated in the tubing (gross). He instructed me to "milk" the drain to clear it out, which I did successfully. However, now the bulb at the base of the tubing wouldn't hold any vacuum (you squeeze the bulb before closing it, in order to create a vacuum, which sucks the excess lymphatic fluid out and collects it in the bulb -- without the vacuum, you basically have a worthless tube hanging out of your body, creating an opportunity for infection).... I called the dr again and he told me to just watch it for redness or increased pain and he refilled my antibiotics prescription. It was about this time that I started getting sick from the antibiotics.
By Saturday, I just couldn't deal. I called Dr Borah's line again. After waiting an hour for the oncall dr to call, the answering service called me back. It turned out that Dr Borah was out of town for the weekend. I knew that if Dr Dultz was around, she would pull the drains and end my suffering at once... but I didn't want Dr Borah to be offended... but now, I had the perfect excuse. I called her up and sure enough, she was on call. She offered to meet me in the office that afternoon to take a look.
Abby drove me up to Princeton (only my 2nd time in the car and out of the house since coming home from the hospital). Dr Dultz took me back into the exam room to take a peak. She told me that she was going to pull the right drain (the leaky one) since it wasn't doing anything. I prepared for the pain (if you remember, my first drain removal "smarted" quite a bit!). Dr Dultz looked at my grimace and told me not to worry... "Dr Borah uses a different kind of drain than she does"... sure... good story! I grit my teeth and waited. Pop. She pulled out the tube... with no pain... it was just the tube inside my armpit... no big plastic anchor! Nice. The tube had practically been pulled out itself, which was why it was leaking everywhere and not holding suction.
At this point, I thought about the fact that I hadn't showered in 10 days... and I realized that if I got Dr Dultz to pull the left drain, I'd be "zest-fully" clean by the next afternoon! My left drain had also slowed down enough that she gave me the ok and pulled that one out too (to give you a comparison, the left drain had ~2 inches of tubing inside my skin, while the right drain had less than 1/2 an inch). She asked me to take the antibiotics for one more day and then I could shower! Yay!
I choked down 4 more keflex, knowing that they were making me disgustingly ill, kept pounding gatorade to ward off dehydration and hoped for the best.
Sunday afternoon, I dragged myself upstairs and turned on the water. Stepping into the shower, I let the warm water run over my head (fortunately, I didn't have to deal with disgusting hair after 10 days of no shower!)... it felt so good. I was finally clean. A shower has never felt so good. Never.
Almost every time Abby comes to visit, I start to "leak"... weird... but true! When she was here in September, we got ready to go for a run (I call it a "run", but it is better described as an embarassingly slow 1 mile "shuffle") and I noticed that there was fluid leaking from my incision... despite several attempts to close it up, my body wasn't healing right (due to the chemo) and I spent the next 4 months covering myself with gauze every day, to keep clean and protect my clothes. What a pain! At least the surgery earlier this month put an end to that problem! Anyways, Abby came back down this weekend to help me out (her other two visits were wonderful, as they found me in relatively good health, and we got to play... this visit really was more to take care of me... for which I am really thankful).
Oddly enough, on Thursday night, I began to notice some wetness in my right armpit, where the drain was inserted. I brushed it off, thinking it was sweat. Friday morning, I got up and got changed (I would say "got dressed", but at this point, I was still living 24/7 in pajamas with button down tops). Within half an hour, my armpit was soaked. Dr Borah, my plastic surgeon is in charge of my post-op care, so I called his office. He was out, so they paged the on-call dr. He told me that the drains were likely getting blocked, as blood coagulated in the tubing (gross). He instructed me to "milk" the drain to clear it out, which I did successfully. However, now the bulb at the base of the tubing wouldn't hold any vacuum (you squeeze the bulb before closing it, in order to create a vacuum, which sucks the excess lymphatic fluid out and collects it in the bulb -- without the vacuum, you basically have a worthless tube hanging out of your body, creating an opportunity for infection).... I called the dr again and he told me to just watch it for redness or increased pain and he refilled my antibiotics prescription. It was about this time that I started getting sick from the antibiotics.
By Saturday, I just couldn't deal. I called Dr Borah's line again. After waiting an hour for the oncall dr to call, the answering service called me back. It turned out that Dr Borah was out of town for the weekend. I knew that if Dr Dultz was around, she would pull the drains and end my suffering at once... but I didn't want Dr Borah to be offended... but now, I had the perfect excuse. I called her up and sure enough, she was on call. She offered to meet me in the office that afternoon to take a look.
Abby drove me up to Princeton (only my 2nd time in the car and out of the house since coming home from the hospital). Dr Dultz took me back into the exam room to take a peak. She told me that she was going to pull the right drain (the leaky one) since it wasn't doing anything. I prepared for the pain (if you remember, my first drain removal "smarted" quite a bit!). Dr Dultz looked at my grimace and told me not to worry... "Dr Borah uses a different kind of drain than she does"... sure... good story! I grit my teeth and waited. Pop. She pulled out the tube... with no pain... it was just the tube inside my armpit... no big plastic anchor! Nice. The tube had practically been pulled out itself, which was why it was leaking everywhere and not holding suction.
At this point, I thought about the fact that I hadn't showered in 10 days... and I realized that if I got Dr Dultz to pull the left drain, I'd be "zest-fully" clean by the next afternoon! My left drain had also slowed down enough that she gave me the ok and pulled that one out too (to give you a comparison, the left drain had ~2 inches of tubing inside my skin, while the right drain had less than 1/2 an inch). She asked me to take the antibiotics for one more day and then I could shower! Yay!
I choked down 4 more keflex, knowing that they were making me disgustingly ill, kept pounding gatorade to ward off dehydration and hoped for the best.
Sunday afternoon, I dragged myself upstairs and turned on the water. Stepping into the shower, I let the warm water run over my head (fortunately, I didn't have to deal with disgusting hair after 10 days of no shower!)... it felt so good. I was finally clean. A shower has never felt so good. Never.
Saturday, January 7, 2006
I WON'T LIE....
posted Saturday, 7 January 2006
I wanted to quickly update you all and let you know that I am now back at home, resting comfortably (ok - maybe not that comfortably, but... what can you do?) According to Dr Dultz, the surgery went very well - I'm not really sure what that means, but I suppose it's a good thing, right? Mom and Dad came out Tuesday night, and took me to the hospital on Wednesday. As Nancy mentioned, the surgery lasted about 5 1/2 hours. I don't really remember much about the recovery room, until they were ready to move me to my room... and even then, I only have cloudy memories... being in the elevator, rolling into my room, where they said - look - you already have flowers here waiting for you (thanks susie & jaeger!), mom and dad finally finding me (nobody told them they were moving me to a room)... then the painful memories.... trying to help the nurses get the was of blankets out from under me (they wanted me to roll over onto my side, which seemed like a bad idea... and was proven to be a bad idea), trying to get up to go the bathroom, not being able to go to the bathroom (awesome), trying to get comfortable to sleep (easier said than done), just to have doctors and nurses waking me up every ten minutes... good times!
Thursday too was a bit of a blur. Mom and dad had gotten a flat tire on their way home from the hospital on Wed night and didn't get home until very late... therefore, didn't get to the hospital until mid-morning. My cell phone had died and I was going a little (understatement) stir-crazy sitting in the room alone. I finally figured out how to get the tv turned on... but it made me a bit nauseous, so that didn't really keep me entertained. Next, I had them turn on my phone, and I started making phone calls to the few people for whom I had memorized phone numbers - basically, that included Nancy, Jaeger and my work friends (whom I could find extensions from the front desk!). Vanita was at her desk and she offered to come over and keep me company, so finally I could relax a little bit! My folks arrived shortly thereafter, and I finally felt some of the anxiety dissipate. I had been extremely thirsty, but couldn't really reach up to the bedside table to get the glass of juice that was sitting there, and the nurses were incredibly busy so it seemed ridiculous to page them to assist me with a sip of juice. Once my visitors were there, I was well hydrated though!
When lunch arrived, I attempted to eat some jello and ice cream, but my stomach wasn't feeling great. If you'll remember, I had gotten fairly sick from the anesthesia the first time around, and once the zofran wore off, I had similar experiences this time too. As I was finally purging all the cranberry juice, jello and ice cream (I felt a lot better afterwards!), my friend Annette showed up (Annette was the woman that I met at Bob Evans, back at the beginning of this whole journey...) The box of chocolates she brought was definitely enjoyed by all my visitors (and by me... once I moved to solid foods!) My mom didn't recognize her at first because her thick, curly hair looked so fantastic! Shortly thereafter, Mike showed up for a quick visit before he headed down to the Philadelphia airport. These two visitors meant a lot to me, especially since they both drove so far to see me and I was surprised at just how comforting it was to see them.
While Annette and Mike were there, I had pushed the button on my PCA morphine machine (which was always stressful because I wanted the morphine, but I didn't want to press the button too often because I didn't want them to think I was a whimp), only to immediately feel burning in my hand where my IV was... suddenly, my hand began to swell. This did not seem right. I paged the nurse, who came in and turned off the machine, exclaiming that my IV had infiltrated and that she would be back in 10 minutes. What! I couldn't believe that I had to sit there in pain for 10 minutes, as my hand continued to swell. Gosh - looking back, I felt pretty bad for the nurses there - what a tough job and clearly, there was more work than they could easily handle. She came back and pulled out my IV... now the trick would be to get another IV started... with my fried veins (from the chemo), that would be no easy task. Another nurse was called in and the two of them worked at my arm for a while and finally got an IV started in the underside of my forearm. At this point, I had been off the morphine for over an hour, so we decided to just switch to oral percocet. Step one in getting home was accomplished.
Around 4pm, my body was finally turning it's systems back on, as I emerged triumphantly from the bathroom exclaiming "I went pee-pee in the potty!!!" The nurses all cheered for me. Ahhh... the wonder of small victories!
Later that evening, Nancy and Heather stopped by. Heather offered to stay overnight with me on Thursday, and once we had convinced the nurse that she was my sister, they had no problems with that! My dinner tray arrived and by this time, I was famished! I hadn't really eaten anything solid in close to 48 hourse, so I was ready. I took a look at my tray and realized that they brought me a liquid dinner - soup, jello & ice cream. Yuk! Mom tracked down the nurse and requested a real meal... which was easier said than done! At around 7pm, the unit secretary came in with a tray that she had scavenged from the kitchen (which was closed at the time). It was a hodge podge of food, but I didn't care. The bean salad and fruit plate hit the spot... as did the cheese quesadilla that Heather went and got from Mexican Village.
Speaking of Mexican Village... for some reason, I was adament that my parents go and eat at Mexican Village during my surgery... I gave them directions to this little shack of a restaurant, which is right near the hospital. Easily the best mexican food in the vicinity, M Village has been the site of many farewell lunches and fun group dinners, where they will provide a big tub of ice to chill the byo coronas (or other beverage of choice). In fact, as they were wheeling me down to the OR, I looked up off the gurney and repeated one last time... "please... go to Mexican Village and get something to eat". They did actually listen to me and I am fairly certain that they were glad they did!
Around 9:30, my visitors departed, except for sister Heather. She settled in to do some work, but had a problem with her computer. Responding to a call for tech support, Tina stopped by the hospital for a quick visit & to give Heather a new laptop... We even managed to secure a high speed internet connection, so Heaton was productive and working as I drifted off to sleep. It was extremely comforting to have her there. For example, when the interns came in at 5am and they pulled down my blankets and gown to check the incisions... and then left, without pulling them back up (what!?), Heather came over and helped me get situated again. My only thought is that the interns were uncomfortable in the situation, since they were close to my age (?) because I couldn't believe that they would just be that inconsiderate.
Friday morning, Dr Dultz stopped back by. She checked things out and said that I should try to go home that day, if I was feeling up to it. I ate well at breakfast and began building some strength. Mom and Dad came by again, on their way out of town. Jim and Vanita visited in the late afternoon. Vanita was my ride home. I had ordered Palak Paneer off the vegetarian menu (which was funny, since the first item on the vegetarian menu was "broth - chicken or beef"... weird...) and was fairly excited for lunch. So, we waited until after lunch to sign out and head home.
The ride home seemed to take forever. Every little bump in the road hurt. By the time I got home, I was exhausted... funny just how much surgery takes out of you. Vanita set me up on the couch and headed to Walgreens to drop off my prescriptions. After a nap, Charlene came by, to return Otis -- boy I missed that pup! It was amazing how perceptive he was, as he was extremely gentle with me.
After dinner, Bonny arrived - my nurse for the evening. I was extremely thankful for her care. She helped me bathe (though I couldn't get wet from the waste up, since I had drains hanging out of each armpit, to collect the fluid that would build up as a result of the surgery -- and I thought it was bad the first time, with one drain!). She fluffed my pillows, managed my medications and just handled me with kid gloves, in general. I was in pretty significant pain as I laid down to sleep - fearful that I had checked out of the hospital too early, she helped me relax and get comfortable. It wasn't until after Bonny left on Saturday that I realized the full extent of the work she had done while she was there. Not only did she take care of me... she mopped the floors and cleaned my bathroom - things I wouldn't have asked anybody to do, but was extremely thankful that she did them.
Sorry this entry took so long to get posted. I wrote the first two paragraphs shortly after arriving home from the hospital, but couldn't type for long, without getting sore. In fact, I couldn't really do much of anything without getting sore. I had, again, significantly under-estimated the amount of pain I would be in and the lack of strength that I would have (I couldn't even open my sliding glass door to let the dog out, much less pour myself a glass of juice). I am thankful for all the people who answered my calls for help (and especially those who went above and beyond that call to make me comfortable) in my first days after surgery. I know it is cliche, but I honestly can not imagine what I would have done without you.
All ready to go... waiting for
Just in case they try to use my "bad arm" for blood pressure or a needle (I can't do either in my left arm, due to the removal of my lymph nodes)
Pretty flowers that were waiting in my hospital room... (thanks Susie & Jaeger)
Back at home, sporting my surgical bra & drains...
I wanted to quickly update you all and let you know that I am now back at home, resting comfortably (ok - maybe not that comfortably, but... what can you do?) According to Dr Dultz, the surgery went very well - I'm not really sure what that means, but I suppose it's a good thing, right? Mom and Dad came out Tuesday night, and took me to the hospital on Wednesday. As Nancy mentioned, the surgery lasted about 5 1/2 hours. I don't really remember much about the recovery room, until they were ready to move me to my room... and even then, I only have cloudy memories... being in the elevator, rolling into my room, where they said - look - you already have flowers here waiting for you (thanks susie & jaeger!), mom and dad finally finding me (nobody told them they were moving me to a room)... then the painful memories.... trying to help the nurses get the was of blankets out from under me (they wanted me to roll over onto my side, which seemed like a bad idea... and was proven to be a bad idea), trying to get up to go the bathroom, not being able to go to the bathroom (awesome), trying to get comfortable to sleep (easier said than done), just to have doctors and nurses waking me up every ten minutes... good times!
Thursday too was a bit of a blur. Mom and dad had gotten a flat tire on their way home from the hospital on Wed night and didn't get home until very late... therefore, didn't get to the hospital until mid-morning. My cell phone had died and I was going a little (understatement) stir-crazy sitting in the room alone. I finally figured out how to get the tv turned on... but it made me a bit nauseous, so that didn't really keep me entertained. Next, I had them turn on my phone, and I started making phone calls to the few people for whom I had memorized phone numbers - basically, that included Nancy, Jaeger and my work friends (whom I could find extensions from the front desk!). Vanita was at her desk and she offered to come over and keep me company, so finally I could relax a little bit! My folks arrived shortly thereafter, and I finally felt some of the anxiety dissipate. I had been extremely thirsty, but couldn't really reach up to the bedside table to get the glass of juice that was sitting there, and the nurses were incredibly busy so it seemed ridiculous to page them to assist me with a sip of juice. Once my visitors were there, I was well hydrated though!
When lunch arrived, I attempted to eat some jello and ice cream, but my stomach wasn't feeling great. If you'll remember, I had gotten fairly sick from the anesthesia the first time around, and once the zofran wore off, I had similar experiences this time too. As I was finally purging all the cranberry juice, jello and ice cream (I felt a lot better afterwards!), my friend Annette showed up (Annette was the woman that I met at Bob Evans, back at the beginning of this whole journey...) The box of chocolates she brought was definitely enjoyed by all my visitors (and by me... once I moved to solid foods!) My mom didn't recognize her at first because her thick, curly hair looked so fantastic! Shortly thereafter, Mike showed up for a quick visit before he headed down to the Philadelphia airport. These two visitors meant a lot to me, especially since they both drove so far to see me and I was surprised at just how comforting it was to see them.
While Annette and Mike were there, I had pushed the button on my PCA morphine machine (which was always stressful because I wanted the morphine, but I didn't want to press the button too often because I didn't want them to think I was a whimp), only to immediately feel burning in my hand where my IV was... suddenly, my hand began to swell. This did not seem right. I paged the nurse, who came in and turned off the machine, exclaiming that my IV had infiltrated and that she would be back in 10 minutes. What! I couldn't believe that I had to sit there in pain for 10 minutes, as my hand continued to swell. Gosh - looking back, I felt pretty bad for the nurses there - what a tough job and clearly, there was more work than they could easily handle. She came back and pulled out my IV... now the trick would be to get another IV started... with my fried veins (from the chemo), that would be no easy task. Another nurse was called in and the two of them worked at my arm for a while and finally got an IV started in the underside of my forearm. At this point, I had been off the morphine for over an hour, so we decided to just switch to oral percocet. Step one in getting home was accomplished.
Around 4pm, my body was finally turning it's systems back on, as I emerged triumphantly from the bathroom exclaiming "I went pee-pee in the potty!!!" The nurses all cheered for me. Ahhh... the wonder of small victories!
Later that evening, Nancy and Heather stopped by. Heather offered to stay overnight with me on Thursday, and once we had convinced the nurse that she was my sister, they had no problems with that! My dinner tray arrived and by this time, I was famished! I hadn't really eaten anything solid in close to 48 hourse, so I was ready. I took a look at my tray and realized that they brought me a liquid dinner - soup, jello & ice cream. Yuk! Mom tracked down the nurse and requested a real meal... which was easier said than done! At around 7pm, the unit secretary came in with a tray that she had scavenged from the kitchen (which was closed at the time). It was a hodge podge of food, but I didn't care. The bean salad and fruit plate hit the spot... as did the cheese quesadilla that Heather went and got from Mexican Village.
Speaking of Mexican Village... for some reason, I was adament that my parents go and eat at Mexican Village during my surgery... I gave them directions to this little shack of a restaurant, which is right near the hospital. Easily the best mexican food in the vicinity, M Village has been the site of many farewell lunches and fun group dinners, where they will provide a big tub of ice to chill the byo coronas (or other beverage of choice). In fact, as they were wheeling me down to the OR, I looked up off the gurney and repeated one last time... "please... go to Mexican Village and get something to eat". They did actually listen to me and I am fairly certain that they were glad they did!
Around 9:30, my visitors departed, except for sister Heather. She settled in to do some work, but had a problem with her computer. Responding to a call for tech support, Tina stopped by the hospital for a quick visit & to give Heather a new laptop... We even managed to secure a high speed internet connection, so Heaton was productive and working as I drifted off to sleep. It was extremely comforting to have her there. For example, when the interns came in at 5am and they pulled down my blankets and gown to check the incisions... and then left, without pulling them back up (what!?), Heather came over and helped me get situated again. My only thought is that the interns were uncomfortable in the situation, since they were close to my age (?) because I couldn't believe that they would just be that inconsiderate.
Friday morning, Dr Dultz stopped back by. She checked things out and said that I should try to go home that day, if I was feeling up to it. I ate well at breakfast and began building some strength. Mom and Dad came by again, on their way out of town. Jim and Vanita visited in the late afternoon. Vanita was my ride home. I had ordered Palak Paneer off the vegetarian menu (which was funny, since the first item on the vegetarian menu was "broth - chicken or beef"... weird...) and was fairly excited for lunch. So, we waited until after lunch to sign out and head home.
The ride home seemed to take forever. Every little bump in the road hurt. By the time I got home, I was exhausted... funny just how much surgery takes out of you. Vanita set me up on the couch and headed to Walgreens to drop off my prescriptions. After a nap, Charlene came by, to return Otis -- boy I missed that pup! It was amazing how perceptive he was, as he was extremely gentle with me.
After dinner, Bonny arrived - my nurse for the evening. I was extremely thankful for her care. She helped me bathe (though I couldn't get wet from the waste up, since I had drains hanging out of each armpit, to collect the fluid that would build up as a result of the surgery -- and I thought it was bad the first time, with one drain!). She fluffed my pillows, managed my medications and just handled me with kid gloves, in general. I was in pretty significant pain as I laid down to sleep - fearful that I had checked out of the hospital too early, she helped me relax and get comfortable. It wasn't until after Bonny left on Saturday that I realized the full extent of the work she had done while she was there. Not only did she take care of me... she mopped the floors and cleaned my bathroom - things I wouldn't have asked anybody to do, but was extremely thankful that she did them.
Sorry this entry took so long to get posted. I wrote the first two paragraphs shortly after arriving home from the hospital, but couldn't type for long, without getting sore. In fact, I couldn't really do much of anything without getting sore. I had, again, significantly under-estimated the amount of pain I would be in and the lack of strength that I would have (I couldn't even open my sliding glass door to let the dog out, much less pour myself a glass of juice). I am thankful for all the people who answered my calls for help (and especially those who went above and beyond that call to make me comfortable) in my first days after surgery. I know it is cliche, but I honestly can not imagine what I would have done without you.
All ready to go... waiting for
Just in case they try to use my "bad arm" for blood pressure or a needle (I can't do either in my left arm, due to the removal of my lymph nodes)
Pretty flowers that were waiting in my hospital room... (thanks Susie & Jaeger)
Back at home, sporting my surgical bra & drains...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)