shares

I didn't share this info last August when I found out... I'm not sure why... I guess it is because I have some real mixed emotions about this and the accomplishment is somewhat overshadowed by all of the other things going on in my life.  Also, I don't like to brag or boast and so, even if I was healthy at the time, I may not have made this well known.

However, it really was a big accomplishment -- one of the biggest (if not the biggest) of my professional career -- and so I want to share it with you all (even though it is a bit delayed)

As many of you know, I work for a management consulting company (ZS Associates).  We are a privately held firm and, like many law firms, the shareholders (also sometimes called partners or principals) maintain ownership. 

In August, I was elected as a Principal at ZS and was offered shares in the company.  The fact that a panel of very senior and well-respected principals at ZS reviewed my contributions in excrutiating detail and agreed that I had earned this promotion is so rewarding and encouraging to know.  Despite the hardships and challenges I have faced, my work has been recognized as bringing significant value to my clients, to the teams that I lead, and to the firm overall.  While I may have liked to have learned this at a time when I wasn't distracted with weekly chemo and stress associated with my next scans, I am really proud of achieving this milestone (I know, it isn't right to be proud... but can't I just be a little bit proud...just for a moment?)

NYC

Every time I go to NYC I am amazed.

Amazed that... 

• the streets and stores and people just go on and on and on
• there seems to be a never-ending supply of delicious and interesting restaurants
• they can charge $18 for a cocktail and people will still buy them
• everyone is forever rushing somewhere (especially the folks waiting for the NJ transit track announcement at Penn Station!)
• you can find pretty much anything you want no matter what time it is (karaoke at 3am... sure!)... it truly is the city that never sleeps!

I had a wonderful weekend in NYC with Maura and Abby.  We had pretty good luck with our dining and entertainment...

• Eventi hotel -great service, great location, great rate!  free wine in the lobby every day at 5pm and they are dog friendly!
• Food Parc at Eventi - great quick food, lots of choices. perfect for a quick bite!
• Callalalai - supre cute store... got a new dress and necklace
• Mercadito - yummy mexican brunch.  estilo baja tacos, guac, plantains, a mimosa.  yum.
• uniqlo - great recommendation from Meredith.  picked up lots of staples (tshirts, sweaters, etc) and a great deal on a black rain coat
• Nuela - spicy tuna app was amazing.  complimentary glass of champagne was a nice touch.  Abby's scallops were delicious.  price was reasonable.
• The Standard Grill - next stop was the meatpacking district.  we found a little bar with lots of character and not much space.  enjoyed a champagne drink that was served in a crystal vase.  spent 2-3 hours here working on that!
• Cielo - so we decided that wanted to go dancing... we should've done our homework... this place was super expensive (expensive cover, expensive drinks)... which would have been fine if.  small dancefloor, strange mix of people... we stayed 15 minutes and then headed for Rayn.
• 230 fifth (aka Rayn) - we could see this rooftop bar from our hotel room, so we decided to go and check it out.  the view was pretty cool and I enjoyed the hot cider... could be worth a visit when the weather is a bit nicer!
• random karaoke bar - where else in the world can you decide to go do karaoke at 3am and easily find a place within a 5 minute cab ride?

Wait a minute... were we really only there for the weekend?  All this in one day?  I guess we were making up for years since we've had the good fortune of all being in the same place. I hope that we don't let as much time pass until the next time...  xoxo

Treatment Update (chemo break!!)

My CT scans were updated on Monday and as many of you have already heard, the results brought good news.  The spots on my liver continue to shrink and the micro-spots on my lungs continue to be stable.  What does that all mean?  Dr C wants to give my body a break from the weekly chemo and feels comfortable that the tumor is under control for the time being... enough to allow us to explore the use of a hormonal agent to try to maintain things while my body rebuilds itself. 

To give you all a sense of what this means, I've crafted a summary of "what's out?" and "what's in?" under the new treatment plan...

Out:  Chemo-induced menopause      In:  Lupron-induced menopause
Out:  Night sweats from chemo          In:  Night sweats & hot flashes
Out:  Blood thinners daily                  In:  Aromatase inhibitors daily
Out:  Avoiding bumps and bruises      In:  Lacing up my cleats again
Out:  Managing my Vitamin K intake  In:  Managing my Calcium & Vit D
Out:  Abraxane IV every week           In:  Lupron IM every 4 months
Out:  Bald head                                  In:  Chemo-curls
Out:  Oncologist visits every Wed.     In:  Me-time every Wednesday

The plan, in a nutshell:

• Taking a break from the weekly Abraxane (chemo)
• Switching to a hormonal medicine called Femara As you may remember, my tumors feed off of estrogen, so one way of treating them is to try to block the estrogen in my body.  I had been on tamoxifen for 4.5 years after my initial diagnosis and treatment (and had the recurrence while on that medicine) so I can't go back on that.  The next best option is a class of drugs called AIs or Aromatase Inhibitors.  These drugs only work in post-menopausal women (tamoxifen is the only hormonal that works in pre-menopausal women) so I'll need to take a shot to suppress my ovaries (Lupron -- had the shot yesterday).  The ovarian suppression shuts down ~97% of the estrogen in my body... the AI will block the remaining ~3% that is generated from your fat and muscle (the drugs work by blocking aromatase, which is used to create estrogen from fat and muscle).  Side effects of the Lupron & Femara include night sweats, hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain (typical menopause type symptoms), as well as fatigue, joint pain and risk of bone loss (again, related to the lack of estrogen).  For most women, the side effects are manageable, but some women have real difficulty with the severity of the side effects.  I had to stop the coumadin in order for them to give me the Lupron shot, so I am also at risk for another blood clot from my port (will have to watch that carefully).  Oh... and being an "educated consumer" paid off... my copay for Femara would have been $130 for 90 days... but I had a coupon from their website and it was only $10 (Novartis pays the rest!)...score!
• Follow up with Dr C in 6 weeks He'll do an exam and flush my port (with heparin... to keep it from clogging)
• CT scans again in 3 months If all goes well, we'll stay on the Femara... if the tumors start growing again, we'll have to go back on chemo

My body is still really worn down form the chemo, so for the time being, I plan to try to work from home on Wednesday's and continue to work a bit of a reduced schedule (funny that 40-45 hours/week is a "reduced schedule", right?)  Most of the pressure comes from within... I'll just need to make sure that I don't take too much on my plate and that I focus on staying healthy (enough time for sleep, exercise, etc)

Thanks to all for the prayers, hugs, notes and mojo... this last set of scans has been very encouraging and I am really looking forward to a break from the weekly drip!

C4YW

Mike and I attended a conference this past weekend in Orlando, FL.  It was C4YW (Conference for Young Women) sponsored by Young Survival Coalition and Living Beyond Breast Cancer.

Over 700 women joined the conference, representing nearly every state and 10 different countries.  I attended the same conference in 2006 in Denver -- only 400 women were there.  Incredible how much it has grown in those years (makes me wonder if it is growing due to better advertising... or due to the number of young women diagnosed with breast cancer??)

As the conference approached, I became a bit nervous about attending.  I knew that so much of the event was a "celebration of survivorship" and dealing with "the fear of recurrence"... "fertility after breast cancer".. "finding your new normal"... topics that really don't resonate for me... in fact, these are topics that cut like a knife, an ugly reminder of the realities of advanced breast cancer vs early stage breast cancer.  I dreaded having to wear "the orange lei".

Well, I didn't have to wear orange (they changed the color codes and it's purple now!) and there were separate breakout sessions tailored to the "mets girls".  This made it easy for us to find one another and we were like our own little sorority, slightly related to all the other women, but so much more aware of the ugliest side of the beast we call breast cancer.

We flew down to Orlando on Wednesday, first class (the tickets for 1st class were cheaper than those for coach!)  I have never flown first class before... needless to say, it was a bit of a let-down!  It was nice to board first and to have snacks served to us, but for a 1.5 hour flight, it wasn't really worth the hype. 

Aunt Joan, Hugh and Mary Beth (Mike's family) picked us up from the airport and we met up with Uncle Bud to have a lovely dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (a very cool soup/salad bar place... Nancy, you would have loved it!)  While all too short, we had a lovely visit with the Krater's. 

Thursday, we headed out early to spend the day at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure.  We had a beautiful day for it and we enjoyed the park very much.  The new Harry Potter ride was worth the 1 hour wait and the "Express Pass" purchase (extra fee to skip the line) was worth every penny!  We rode nearly every ride (even the kiddie rides), including Dr Doom Fearfall (never thought I would ride that!  I felt like one of the girls on "the bachelor" trying to overcome my fears and "take a risk"!), The Hulk Coaster (3x!) and pretty much every other ride that was open!  Afterwards, we had dinner at Bob Marley's along CityWalk and then headed back to the hotel.  A quick dip in the hotel's hot tub (much needed after the tiring day at Universal) and I was ready to crash by 8:30pm. 

The conference ran Friday - Sunday.  While some of the sessions were better than others, overall it was worth the trip.  I wish I had the time and energy to help them run that conference... there were so many things that could have been done better... but then again, I have pretty high standards!  We met some really wonderful women, a few supportive men and we learned a few things while we were at it.  The sessions included:

• Living with Mets: Understanding Trauma and Managing Your Stress Responses (Rating: D-)
• Care for the Caregiver: Metastatic Breast Cancer (Mike)
• Metastatic Breast Cancer: Treatment Update (Linda, Rating: A)
• Care for the Caregiver: Men Only (Mike)
• End-of-Life Issues: Creating a Legacy in Letters (Linda, Rating: B+)
• Healthy Living: Food and Fitness (Mike)
• Healthy Living: Food and Fitness (Linda, Rating B)
• Plenary Session 1: Medical Update (Mike & Linda, Rating A)
• Plenary Session 2: Self Image (Mike & Linda, Rating B)
• Plenary Session 3: Nurturing the Spirit (Mike & Linda, Rating A)

The sessions are supposed to be up on C4YW -- if you are interested, you can listen to the pod cast (there were also many other breakout sessions).  I was really glad that Mike came along with me.  It made me feel really supported and it gave him a chance to learn a little bit more and connect with a few others in similar situations.  While they had a few "care for the caregiver" sessions, it became obvious that there really isn't much available out there for "men who love women with breast cancer"... and I suspect they could benefit from some way of connecting... even if it is just to sit next to each other and drink a beer (men don't always like to talk about their feelings, but it has got to be nice to know that there is someone else out there who knows what it is like to have a wife dealing with this). 

Mike, Uncle Bud, Linda, Hugh, Mary Beth (missing: Aunt Joan)

Dr Doom Fearfall

Mike in Hogsmeade (just before we drank Butter Beer)

Mike gearing up for a ride on SpiderMan

Toon Town

Watching for the space shuttle launch from the top of "Me Ship, the Olive"

C4YW group shot

C4YW - attending the plenary session