posted Saturday, 22 December 2007
Ok, it's really no surprise that I said yes, right? But that didn't mean that Mike wasn't going to invest the necessary time to make sure every detail was perfect.
From the hours invested in documenting their history together in a beautiful scrapbook... to the conversation with my dad - to tell him how much he loved her and how he wants to make her happy - and to ask for his blessing (not permission, for after all, I'm over 30 so permission seems silly)... to the accelerated timing to allow us to tell our families in person over the holidays...
On December 22, 2007, on an empty, beautiful winter beach on Long Island (Robert Moses State Park), Mike asked me to marry him. I, of course, said YES. After 9 years of friendship and 2 years of friendship and love, it was the obvious next step.
About Us...
Mike and Linda met in 1996 at Rensselaer, where Linda was half-way through her Bachelor's degree and Mike had just moved to pursue his PhD (after receiving his BS from Caltech). They both played ultimate frisbee on the college team, Trudge, which is how they first met.
Mike will tell you that he has been smitten with Linda since the winter of 1996. Linda probably wouldn't admit to the same, but her scrapbooks and college memorabilia suggest otherwise. It's probably a good thing that Mike was so shy though - both had many life lessons still to learn before they'd be ready to commit to another completely.
They drifted in and out of each other's lives, connecting each year at "frisbee thanksgiving". There was always a spark between them - in fact, the winter of 2002, they almost wound up together, but the timing still just wasn't quite right. In fact, Linda played the "f" card (let's just be friends), which quickly squelched their flirtatious email exchanges.
Linda got sick in 2005. At "frisbee thanksgiving" that year, Mike organized a fundraiser in Linda's honor, raising close to $1000 for Komen. Needless to say, Linda was incredibly touched. That night, the two stayed up talking into the wee hours of the morning - discussing our fears, disappointments, relationships and dreams. The conversation flowed so easily and honestly, neither one wanted it to end (though Linda, just finishing four months of chemo, was exhausted!) They left Troy that weekend with a newly revived connection (Mike was so distracted by his thoughts, he got on Rt 90 going the wrong direction -- adding 30 minutes to his 3 hour drive back to Ithaca!)
Once again, the two traded emails and eventually decided that Mike would visit Linda in NJ. Just before the visit, Linda once again got cold feet and tried to cancel. She knew she really liked this friendship with Vogel, but she also suspected that he was interested in more than just a friendship -- and she was unsure whether that was what she wanted. She decided to have Mike visit and they spent a friendly weekend playing disc golf, watching movies and talking about life. She drew a fairly obvious line that this was to be a platonic relationship and Mike didn't push the issue. On Sunday morning, Mike prepared to leave, but when he went to start his car, it wouldn't start! Being a Sunday, there was nobody available to fix it, so it looked like Mike would have to stay another night (convenient!). That night, deciding fate doesn't give you many second chances, Mike shared with Linda the feelings he had been keeping bottled up inside. Linda couldn't deny the connection they had, but also was unsure of whether she was in the right place to allow someone to love her (she had been hurt, plus, she was still trying to force herself to cry over her stupid illness... who knew what other kinds of emotional baggage she was storing up?). But Mike was patient. They left things undefined and Mike headed back to Ithaca.
Their email exchanges grew and they continued their conversations on the phone for hours on end. The holidays approached and Mike surprised himself by telling his mother about this wonderful woman he had met. The day before New Year's, Mike was back in Ithaca and Linda was in NJ. They were trading text messages at 8pm. Cornell was deserted and Mike wasn't really making much progress with his research (how could he when he was on the phone with Linda 24-7?). They decided that they were both being ridiculous. Mike got in his car and made the four hour drive to NJ. When he walked through the door at midnight, any lingering doubt in Linda's mind disappeared... and they never looked back.
To follow our story: http://mikeandlindavogel.blogspot.com/
WHATEVER YOU CALL ME, DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A QUITTER. I will fight. I celebrate life. I can not predict the course of my cancer. I will live each day for what it is and give thanks that I got to show up. And marvel at the beauty in it all. Live in the light, not in the fear. Breathe in. Breathe out. It truly is all good.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Lucky surgery #8: 12/12 at 12 noon?
posted Wednesday, 12 December 2007
Whenever I tell someone that I'm having surgery, they ask "surely, this must be the last one?" I never quite know how to react to that question. If I go in thinking "this is the last one and I am DONE", then I open myself up for heart-renching disappointment if I wind up needing yet another. So instead, I keep my sights set short... "this is one step closer to being done" and I leave it at that.
On Dec 12, I was back in with Dr Singer to try to adjust the symmetry in his new creation. If it was just a question of how things looked, perhaps I would have just let it go... but it was uncomfortable - I couldn't wear a bra (the elastic or worse yet, underwire, would cut into me because the left side and right side were off-centered by ~1 inch).
So Dr Singer was going to go in, put in a couple rows of heavy sutures underneath the left side to lift it up and possibly swap out the implant for a slightly smaller one (which he did).
He wound up doing more work in there than he initially expected and I woke up with one of my favorite surprises: a drain in my left armpit. Awesome.
But I nearly cried when two days later I saw the results. While it will never be perfectly symmetrical (who is anyways?), I no longer looked deformed and lopsided. This was my first view of something that was highly resemblant of a woman. While I often look back and question my decisions to pursue reconstructive surgery, it makes the past two years seem worth it.
Was this the last one? Only time will tell (we need to see how this heals and there is still the question of nipple reconstruction). But I'm ok with that.
Whenever I tell someone that I'm having surgery, they ask "surely, this must be the last one?" I never quite know how to react to that question. If I go in thinking "this is the last one and I am DONE", then I open myself up for heart-renching disappointment if I wind up needing yet another. So instead, I keep my sights set short... "this is one step closer to being done" and I leave it at that.
On Dec 12, I was back in with Dr Singer to try to adjust the symmetry in his new creation. If it was just a question of how things looked, perhaps I would have just let it go... but it was uncomfortable - I couldn't wear a bra (the elastic or worse yet, underwire, would cut into me because the left side and right side were off-centered by ~1 inch).
So Dr Singer was going to go in, put in a couple rows of heavy sutures underneath the left side to lift it up and possibly swap out the implant for a slightly smaller one (which he did).
He wound up doing more work in there than he initially expected and I woke up with one of my favorite surprises: a drain in my left armpit. Awesome.
But I nearly cried when two days later I saw the results. While it will never be perfectly symmetrical (who is anyways?), I no longer looked deformed and lopsided. This was my first view of something that was highly resemblant of a woman. While I often look back and question my decisions to pursue reconstructive surgery, it makes the past two years seem worth it.
Was this the last one? Only time will tell (we need to see how this heals and there is still the question of nipple reconstruction). But I'm ok with that.
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