PERIOD.

posted Thursday, 31 August 2006

I know this subject makes some people uncomfortable... but frankly, I'm over that.... I GOT MY PERIOD THIS MORNING!

I have really been struggling to accept the fact that I may never be able to have biological children. The chemo is poison and it doesn't discriminate between good cells and bad cells and it really does a number on your insides. My last period was August 2005. While it was nice to not have to deal with cramps and tampons, the fact that I may not be able to experience childbirth was slowly breaking my heart. Deep down, I know I can still be a mom... but I want to experience the miracle that so many women get to experience.

It's been especially difficult as me and my friends enter our 30s... those clocks are ticking louder and louder. Babies are a common topic of conversation... who is having one... who is trying... some of my dearest friends are currently pregnant. I am so thrilled for them. At the same time, it has been difficult to separate this excitement from my own personal disappointment. I have not always been successful at that and I fear that I have not always been the most supportive friend. Please know that this is not because I don't love you or that I am not truly excited for you. I do and I am. I'm sorry that I couldn't deal with it better.

Just last night, I was talking with Mike about how I was sad and angry that I didn't think I'd ever be able to have kids. He told me that I needed to keep believing. How could he say that? How did he have so much faith when I had all but given up hope? How strange it was when I woke the next morning to find out that he was right...

I know that the damage to my ovaries could still cause problems down the line... but at least now I've got reason for renewed hope. Of course, now I have to deal with bloating, cramps & mood swings... but I guess that's a small price to pay.


BONNY MADE THIS COMMENT,
i love you menstruation!!!!!!!!!!!!!! congratulations that is amazing news!!!!!!!!!!!

ANNETTE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Congratulations!!!!! The faithful see the invisible, believe the incredible and then receive the impossible.

NANCY MADE THIS COMMENT,
We need to celebrate. Let's start now and go straight through to New Years!!!!!

KATIE MADE THIS COMMENT,
Wonderful, we will have a "Red Party" for you to celebrate your coming of age. miss you dearly

ANOTHER CHECKUP -- PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS

posted Tuesday, 15 August 2006

As you know, I go back to the oncologist every 4 months for the first few years. For some reason (ok not such a strange reason), these visits strike fear within my deepest soul. I spend days dreading the visit and then several more days, waiting for test results.

Again, I have passed. My blood tests were normal and there was nothing detectable. Next visit is December 12 (the one year anniversary of my tamoxifen therapy)... until then...