posted Monday, 29 May 2006
What better way to spend Memorial Day weekend? I drove up to Ithaca on Thursday night, taking a four day weekend, which I desperately needed. My dear friend, Katie, who lives in Rochester, was going to come down on Friday to spend the day with me. Mike was working, so this was quite perfect.
I met up with Katie, Tim, Bridget & Emma for lunch at the Ithaca Bakery and then we went over to spend the afternoon at the Sciencenter, where we got to see baby snakes hatching and play on a giant swing... despite the drizzle, we had a blast! Dinner at the ABC Cafe was yummy, with lots of veggie options. Tim, Katie and I split a bottle of wine, which tasted so good that we decided to stop for another bottle on the way home. Since Mike was moving on Saturday and his entire apartment was packed, we were smart enough to think to buy a cheap corkscrew. Well done! We were not, however, smart enough to realize that he had absolutely no glasses to pour the wine into. So it was either: pour the wine into the empty beer bottles (from the boys) or swig it straight from the bottle. The answer was obvious.
So, we spent the evening watching Sound of Music on the big screen (Mike has a projection tv, which I, at first, questioned the practicality of... but over time, have come to love...), sitting on a mattress on the floor, swigging wine straight from the bottle.
Speaking of the Sound of Music... there is lots of fun on the internet...
Sound of Music Ringtones - who wouldn't want their ringtone set to 'the lonely goatherd'?
Sound of Music Lyrics - so you can sing along like a pro
Sound of Music Drinking Game - if you feel like misbehaving (not that I would condone this)
Sound of Music Trivia - to see just how much you know
Emma & Bridget playing at the Sciencenter
More fun at the Sciencenter & hanging out at the docks at the farmer's market
Otis apparently does not want his picture taken...
I don't understand why because he is darn photogenic... how cute is he?
Tim & Emma... tired and ready to go home...
I have confidence...
What would this day be like, I wonder
What will my future be, I wonder...
It could be so exciting
To be out in the world to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh what's the matter with me
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I never dared
Now here I am facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
Captain with seven children...
What so fearsome about that
Oh I must stop these doubts all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I'll show them...I'll show me...so...
Let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children, heaven bless them
They will look up to me and mind me
With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up, wake up!
It tells me all I trust I leave my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone...
I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides which you see I have confidence in me...
Comments:
MOM MADE THIS COMMENT,
Looks like you had a great time with Katie and her family. Who wrote the poem?
MANDY MILLER MADE THIS COMMENT,
What a WONDERFUL poem! Thank you for sharing it... for some reason today I needed a reminder to 'live for the moment' and this was just the kick in the pants I needed. Thanks!!! -Mandy
LINDA CASILL MADE THIS COMMENT,
The poem is the song that Maria sings as she heads off on the bus to Captain Von Trappe's house with her guitar... Mom, Mandy - I order both of you to go watch the Sound of Music! You are too rusty!
Monday, May 29, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Race for the CURE
posted Sunday, 14 May 2006
The outpouring of support that I experienced last year when I decided to participate in the NJ Race for the Cure was truly amazing -- I am long long overdue in thanking you.
Through your generosity, my team - "Ain't Nothin Gonna Break My Stride" raised over $6k! That translates into funding over 600 mammograms for uninsured women! Thank you thank you thank you!
In 2005, the NJ race itself was cancelled, due to 7 days of heavy rains. Many members of my team joined me for breakfast that morning to celebrate anyways.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to walk in my first race, crossing the river to participate in the Philadelphia Race for the Cure. With over 45k people turning out, including over 5k breast cancer survivors, the event was unbelievable.
Imagine wading through the crowd and then climbing the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum where the "survivors" are gathered... searching for your friend among the thousands already gathered there... and finally seeing her... with her beautiful bald head, smiling and waving back at you...
Imagine standing on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum... and looking out over the streets below to see thousands upon thousands of people who got up at the crack of dawn to come out and support this cause....
Imagine getting up at 6am - cabbing it across the city in the cold, gray morning (fingers crossed that it doesn't rain) - walking the 5k course among the masses... seeing the families & friends banding together to support loved ones in treatment or to honor the memory of loved ones who fought the good fight... trying not to cry... thanks Abs for going with me and sharing this experience...
I want to thank all those who joined me last fall and this spring for the Race, either by joining my team or by contributing to the cause, including:
Abby Schock
Abigail Thomas + friends
Aja Nichols
Ali Akbar
Alicia Dunne
Andrew Loughrey
Arthur & Norma Larosee
bert kolaski
Brandon Silverman
Bonny Hodges
Brian Boger
Cristal Chan
Daniel Kirshner
Dean Kameros
Deborah Schein
Debra & Bill Casill
Donna Bell
Dylan Klein-Denk
Elizabeth Thompson on behalf of Founder's Section Women's Ultimate
Elizabeth Thompson
Eric Schlesinger
Eugene Atwood
Glenn Sabin
Howard Deutsch
Irene Wong on behalf of TRUDGE
James Adelizzi
James Casill
Jeff Gold
Jeffrey Chung
Jen Freeman
Jen Maupin
Jennifer Cohen
Jessica Jarvis
Joseph Chapman
Julie Gabrielli
Kaori Yamada
Karin Hunziker
Katherine Turnamian
Kathryn Mousaw
Kathy Ambrose
Kathy Houser
Kevin Conover
Kristen Geary
Kristine Norgren
Laura Begert
Laura Konieczny
Lauren Hlavaty
Lynne Simson
mark wachter
Mary , Charlie Ferretti
Marye Casill
Matt Natale
Maura Flight
Meryl Klein
Michael MacDougal
Michael Jaeger
Michael Vogel
Mihaela Ugarcovici
Mike Schlamp
Nancy Kijowski
Nancy Scheraga
Patricia Casill
Peter & Meg Hale
Prasanna Sridharan
Pratap Khedkar
Rasika Dhamakar
Renee Grabelle
Rich Sanda
Robin Grapkowski
Ronda Wells
Sara Gifford
Sarah Koegel
sarah jarvis
Sherrie Barone
Stacy Sarvis
Steve Lahet
Steven Traub
Susan Drummond
Susan Pearson
Tara Konzelmann
Tate Allen
Terry Gifford
Tim Shalizi
Tina Schlesinger
Tracy Herman
TYCO Matching Gift
William Jakobowski
William Coyle
William P. Zupko
The outpouring of support that I experienced last year when I decided to participate in the NJ Race for the Cure was truly amazing -- I am long long overdue in thanking you.
Through your generosity, my team - "Ain't Nothin Gonna Break My Stride" raised over $6k! That translates into funding over 600 mammograms for uninsured women! Thank you thank you thank you!
In 2005, the NJ race itself was cancelled, due to 7 days of heavy rains. Many members of my team joined me for breakfast that morning to celebrate anyways.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to walk in my first race, crossing the river to participate in the Philadelphia Race for the Cure. With over 45k people turning out, including over 5k breast cancer survivors, the event was unbelievable.
Imagine wading through the crowd and then climbing the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum where the "survivors" are gathered... searching for your friend among the thousands already gathered there... and finally seeing her... with her beautiful bald head, smiling and waving back at you...
Imagine standing on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum... and looking out over the streets below to see thousands upon thousands of people who got up at the crack of dawn to come out and support this cause....
Imagine getting up at 6am - cabbing it across the city in the cold, gray morning (fingers crossed that it doesn't rain) - walking the 5k course among the masses... seeing the families & friends banding together to support loved ones in treatment or to honor the memory of loved ones who fought the good fight... trying not to cry... thanks Abs for going with me and sharing this experience...
I want to thank all those who joined me last fall and this spring for the Race, either by joining my team or by contributing to the cause, including:
Abby Schock
Abigail Thomas + friends
Aja Nichols
Ali Akbar
Alicia Dunne
Andrew Loughrey
Arthur & Norma Larosee
bert kolaski
Brandon Silverman
Bonny Hodges
Brian Boger
Cristal Chan
Daniel Kirshner
Dean Kameros
Deborah Schein
Debra & Bill Casill
Donna Bell
Dylan Klein-Denk
Elizabeth Thompson on behalf of Founder's Section Women's Ultimate
Elizabeth Thompson
Eric Schlesinger
Eugene Atwood
Glenn Sabin
Howard Deutsch
Irene Wong on behalf of TRUDGE
James Adelizzi
James Casill
Jeff Gold
Jeffrey Chung
Jen Freeman
Jen Maupin
Jennifer Cohen
Jessica Jarvis
Joseph Chapman
Julie Gabrielli
Kaori Yamada
Karin Hunziker
Katherine Turnamian
Kathryn Mousaw
Kathy Ambrose
Kathy Houser
Kevin Conover
Kristen Geary
Kristine Norgren
Laura Begert
Laura Konieczny
Lauren Hlavaty
Lynne Simson
mark wachter
Mary , Charlie Ferretti
Marye Casill
Matt Natale
Maura Flight
Meryl Klein
Michael MacDougal
Michael Jaeger
Michael Vogel
Mihaela Ugarcovici
Mike Schlamp
Nancy Kijowski
Nancy Scheraga
Patricia Casill
Peter & Meg Hale
Prasanna Sridharan
Pratap Khedkar
Rasika Dhamakar
Renee Grabelle
Rich Sanda
Robin Grapkowski
Ronda Wells
Sara Gifford
Sarah Koegel
sarah jarvis
Sherrie Barone
Stacy Sarvis
Steve Lahet
Steven Traub
Susan Drummond
Susan Pearson
Tara Konzelmann
Tate Allen
Terry Gifford
Tim Shalizi
Tina Schlesinger
Tracy Herman
TYCO Matching Gift
William Jakobowski
William Coyle
William P. Zupko
Monday, May 1, 2006
stolen choices
posted Monday, 1 May 2006
I typically like to keep my blogs focused on the positive - those who love me and the strength that I have derived from their love. Your friendship and support is what has gotten me through this journey in one piece. I am now done with treatment, cancer-free, back at work... one might even suggest "back to normal". The battle may be over, but I am starting to realize that the war may never end. Cancer will be a part of who I am for the rest of my life. And sometimes that really sucks.
I went in for my annual appointment with my gynecologist today (don't worry, I will spare you the details). Girls, I'm sure you'll all agree that this is never a fun trip. Little did I know just how difficult this trip would now be for me.
First, this is where it all started. I can remember sitting in this very waiting room, unsure of what this lump was... waiting for hours after my visit with the dr so that they could squeeze me in for an ultrasound... and so the journey began...
While I was there, I also had to go in for a pelvic ultrasound, screening my ovaries for ovarian cancer (due to my BRCA 1+ status, I am at high risk for ovarian cancer and need screening every six months). They call me back and I change into the gown. He begins with an external ultrasound, lubing up my belly with gel and firing up the machine. As I lay there, my head to the side so that I can watch on the monitor, I am suddenly struck by just how messed up this scene is. It's just like they show on tv... but instead of smiling... crying... and seeing my first glance of my unborn child.... I am looking at my shrunken ovaries... making sure there are no signs of cancer. Tears that rarely surface find their way to the edge and trickle down my face. There is noplace to turn, without being bombarded: framed ultrasounds on the walls, an advertisement to purchase a video of your baby's first ultrasound, the happy, expecting women in the waiting room... this place is a young cancer survivor's worst nightmare.
I finish the ultrasound early (half an hour before my dr appt) and head out to the parking lot to release. Mike, who to this point has not seen me cry (despite becoming one of the closest friends in my life... during one of the most trying times of my life), receives my desperate phone call. He is actually on his way out of town (after visiting for the weekend) and offers to take a detour on his way home to spend the afternoon with me (my dr is over an hour north of my house, so not totally out of the way... but really not on the way either).
After a 20 minute break from the madness, I dry my eyes and head back into the waiting room. Heck, I've been through so much this past year... what's one more trial? They call my name and I head back with the nurse. Weight and then into the room for blood pressure. She kindly tells me how they have all been thinking about me so much over the past year. The tech who did my initial ultrasound has asked how I am doing... and again, I am broken. Thank goodness for the drug reps who leave boxes of tissues for the docs... whether they influence prescribing, I don't know... but they did come in handy.
I know that most of my blog rings forth with sounds of bravery and triumph. I haven't written in a very long time because I could not bring my self to think about this event... though I could not just skip over it either. Only time will tell if my ovaries were tough enough to withstand the poison my body was doused with. This definitely stands as the most emotionally challenging hurdle this journey has placed in my way. I know that the outcome does not define whether or not I will have a family. There are plenty of children in the world in need of love. I just wish that this choice was one that I was allowed to make myself.
I went in for my annual appointment with my gynecologist today (don't worry, I will spare you the details). Girls, I'm sure you'll all agree that this is never a fun trip. Little did I know just how difficult this trip would now be for me.
First, this is where it all started. I can remember sitting in this very waiting room, unsure of what this lump was... waiting for hours after my visit with the dr so that they could squeeze me in for an ultrasound... and so the journey began...
While I was there, I also had to go in for a pelvic ultrasound, screening my ovaries for ovarian cancer (due to my BRCA 1+ status, I am at high risk for ovarian cancer and need screening every six months). They call me back and I change into the gown. He begins with an external ultrasound, lubing up my belly with gel and firing up the machine. As I lay there, my head to the side so that I can watch on the monitor, I am suddenly struck by just how messed up this scene is. It's just like they show on tv... but instead of smiling... crying... and seeing my first glance of my unborn child.... I am looking at my shrunken ovaries... making sure there are no signs of cancer. Tears that rarely surface find their way to the edge and trickle down my face. There is noplace to turn, without being bombarded: framed ultrasounds on the walls, an advertisement to purchase a video of your baby's first ultrasound, the happy, expecting women in the waiting room... this place is a young cancer survivor's worst nightmare.
I finish the ultrasound early (half an hour before my dr appt) and head out to the parking lot to release. Mike, who to this point has not seen me cry (despite becoming one of the closest friends in my life... during one of the most trying times of my life), receives my desperate phone call. He is actually on his way out of town (after visiting for the weekend) and offers to take a detour on his way home to spend the afternoon with me (my dr is over an hour north of my house, so not totally out of the way... but really not on the way either).
After a 20 minute break from the madness, I dry my eyes and head back into the waiting room. Heck, I've been through so much this past year... what's one more trial? They call my name and I head back with the nurse. Weight and then into the room for blood pressure. She kindly tells me how they have all been thinking about me so much over the past year. The tech who did my initial ultrasound has asked how I am doing... and again, I am broken. Thank goodness for the drug reps who leave boxes of tissues for the docs... whether they influence prescribing, I don't know... but they did come in handy.
I know that most of my blog rings forth with sounds of bravery and triumph. I haven't written in a very long time because I could not bring my self to think about this event... though I could not just skip over it either. Only time will tell if my ovaries were tough enough to withstand the poison my body was doused with. This definitely stands as the most emotionally challenging hurdle this journey has placed in my way. I know that the outcome does not define whether or not I will have a family. There are plenty of children in the world in need of love. I just wish that this choice was one that I was allowed to make myself.
Comments:
1. Katie left...
Monday, 5 June 2006 10:37 am
Thank you for being honest and sharing this experience on your blog. This is real and this is part of it. Pain is part of this journey; hearing you acknowledge your sadness and anger is good to hear, a relief to hear. It doesn't make you less brave or not optimistic, it makes you real, and even more lovable. What is that saying...a well behaved woman never changed history...or something like that. (Also, your curls cause you to be more lovable as well)
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